Incivility in the Workplace

Half-way through my career as a government manager I met Dr W. Edwards Deming and found the work done by Dr Tom Gordon ("LeaderEffectiveness Training"). Deming, in championing the benefits of continuous improvement based on sound statistical data, always trumpeted that we need to "drive fear out of the workplace." Gordon opened my eyes about the folly of using coercive force as a management tool. Instead, they both argued that the role of a leader was to improve things and unleash the growth of the people a leader was privileged to lead. Thirty years later, I still hear Deming's teaching to drive out fear and Gordon's observation that when leaders use coercion to get the job done they cut off needed information that workers possess that can make their job better and when it's "my way or the highway" leaders are then stuck with having to constantly check on the work that is force upon workers rather than buying them into the process.

And then, let's just face the fact that workplace incivility is bullying!

Fast forward: This year's January-February issue of the "Harvard Business Review" takes up this issue again in Christine Porath's and Christine Pearson's article, "The Price of Incivility." 

"Rudeness at work is rampant, and it’s on the rise. Over the past 14 years we’ve polled thousands of workers about how they’re treated on the job, and 98% have reported experiencing uncivil behavior. In 2011 half said they were treated rudely at least once a week—up from a quarter in 1998.

"The costs chip away at the bottom line. Nearly everybody who experiences workplace incivility responds in a negative way, in some cases overtly retaliating. Employees are less creative when they feel disrespected, and many get fed up and leave. About half deliberately decrease their effort or lower the quality of their work. And incivility damages customer relationships. Our research shows that people are less likely to buy from a company with an employee they perceive as rude, whether the rudeness is directed at them or at other employees. Witnessing just a single unpleasant interaction leads customers to generalize about other employees, the organization, and even the brand... We know two things for certain: Incivility is expensive, and few organizations recognize or take action to curtail it."

The point they are making is not only is incivility wrong, it costs the bottom line of a business which does not support civility from all its workers -- including bosses! While many managers say incivility is wrong, not all recognize its tangible costs. Through a poll of 800 managers and employees in 17 industries, Porath and Pearson found this effect on workers:

• Lost work time by worrying about the incident -- 80%
• Declined organizational commitment -- 78%
• Declined work performance -- 66%
• Lost work time avoiding the offender -- 63%
• Decreased their work effort -- 48%
• Decreased time spent at work -- 47%
• Took their frustration out on customers -- 25% 
• Decreased their work quality -- 38%
• Left their job -- 12%

[To read the entire article along with recommendations for organizations, see "The Price of Incivility"]

What does this have to do with spirituality? Everything. Incivility disrespects the human person and is not something that should be practiced or tolerated at home or at work. Period. It is a form of bullying and bullies need to be contained, restrained and dealt with.

After all, is not the practice of civility necessary in a world trying to become more peaceful and more respectful of the dignity each one of us possess?

Thinking About the War on Drugs

The world is often looked at in terms of good or evil. When it comes to actions we don't like or approve of, it always ends up being a sin or a crime. And, of course, these behaviors need need to be prevented (read: "punished") in order to reduce or prevent their occurrence.

However, when we think of  something as a disease, then we don't want those infected to be punished, we want the disease prevented or cured. (Throughout the ages, however, there has been a link between disease and sin. Remember the blind man Jesus healed? The authorities of his day wanted to know if the blind man, or someone in his family, had sinned.)

Our nation's history is not much different when it comes to alcohol and other drugs. What is considered sin soon became an institutionalized crime. And, therefore, becomes the need to punish those who transgress. Only recently have we started to consider alcoholism as a disease rather than a sin. So, why not other addictions? When we take a measured look at the problem of addiction, we might be surprised that heredity is more in action here than a person's choice.

In his new book, Clean: Overcoming Addiction and Ending America’s Greatest Tragedy, David Scheff delves into the problem of addiction. He comes out of the pain of being a parent with an addicted child that has died.

In Mick Sussman's review of Scheff's book in the New York Times (April 19, 2013), he writes: “Clean is intended as an objective, if still impassioned, examination of the research on prevention and treatment — a guide for those affected by addiction but also a manifesto aimed at clinical professionals and policy makers.

"Sheff’s premise is that 'addiction isn’t a criminal problem, but a health problem,' and that the rigor of medicine is the antidote to the irrational responses, familial and social, that addiction tends to set off... The war on drugs, he says bluntly, 'has failed.' After 40 years and an 'unconscionable' expense that he estimates at a trillion dollars, there are 20 million addicts in America (including alcoholics), and 'more drugs, more kinds of drugs, and more toxic drugs used at younger ages.'"

One must ask, why is this health and behavioral problem not the number one focus of our research and collective knowledge? Drug addiction is defined as that which causes alterations to the brain that result in cognitive deficits and other symptoms. (See American Society of Addiction Medicine.) Is it a choice, or not? We have other health problems that do not undergo such moral scrutiny. We have other health problems that involve some level of choice: obesity, heart disease, and diabetes, for example. Why not the addiction to alcohol and other drugs?

Sheff goes on to tell us that addiction has a substantial genetic component, and when mental illness and poverty come into the mix, the probability of addiction increases and becomes more behavioral in nature. Eighty percent of adolescents in our society try drugs but only about 10 percent of them become addicted. Neuroscience corroborates our intuition that impulsivity in adolescents develops faster than their inhibitions develop. This means that adolescent drug users may actually stunt their emotional growth and make them even more prone to lifelong addictions. And let's not forget about alcohol -- one of our society's "legal" drugs of choice and all the havoc that raises in our society. 

Addiction medicine, moreover, is a relatively new if not exact science. So far, most all treatment programs have very low rates of success -- even in the most expensive clinics. Even a claim of 30 percent effectiveness may actually be greatly inflated. Scheff reminds us, "The persistent possibility of relapse is the 'hallmark of addiction' resulting in addiction being a chronic disease requiring life-long vigilance."

As a smart people, shouldn't we be further along in how we go about treating addictions and have far better treatment outcomes? For reviewer Sussman, Scheff's "forbearance and clearheadedness could serve as an example for America as it confronts its drug problem... a subject for which sensible advice is in short supply."

I hope these findings will help us do more than "hate the sin, but love the sinner" approaches when it comes to addiction. Instead, we should direct the power of our faith tradition toward right thinking, research, healing and prevention.

As a father who has, like Scheef, experienced addiction in his family and suicide, I welcome a saner approach to addiction and an end to our "war on drugs." We deserve better.

Mind-boggling Diversity

"We come from God and return to God, and in the 'interim' we live in the presence of God--even when we do not know or acknowledge it. We are created in the image of God (the entire universe reflects God's glory, each and every creature and thing in its particular, concrete, unique way). Creation is a panoply of mind-boggling diversity, a myriad of outrageously extravagant species and individuals who all together make up the body of God.... Each creature praises God by simply being itself, by being fully alive."  Sallie McFague

Sallie McFague (1933- ) is a Christian theologian best known for her analysis of how metaphor lies at the heart of how we may speak about God. She connects science and theology for me as she reminds us we all live in God's presence and that the universe in which we live and love and have our being is a reflection of God.

Yes, "creation IS a panoply of mind-boggling diversity, a myriad of outrageously extravagant species and individuals" and we, together, make up God's body. When we look for differences between us we fail to see our similarities and the fact that we all are a important and necessary part of God's body. 

There may be difference in the color of our skin, the tribe we identify with, the god(s) we worship, or the goods we possess. But deep down our genomes tell us who we are -- we are one. We breathe the same air, drink the same water, and are substantially connected to one another physiologically as well as socially.

Years ago, during my time with the police we sought to improve and strengthen the quality of our operation by hiring a very diverse number of men and women because we believed, as we all should, that "diversity is our strength." 

We should always remember this and celebrate the mind-boggling diversity of the extravagant, unique, God-created world in which we live!

Thinking About Bishops

A 13^th century Christian, Richard of Chichester, was a tireless student of theology. He was constant in devotion to God and his life was filled with unselfish service to others. Although he was born to a prosperous family, he was orphaned at an early age and soon left impoverished by a negligent guardian. He entered Oxford unable to afford even a gown or a fire in winter. Nevertheless, he did very well in his studies and was eventually able to go on to further study at the University of Paris and at Bologna.

Richard returned to England as a small-town parson. His fame as a counselor and preacher soon spread far and wide. Against the wishes of King Henry III, Richard was consecrated Bishop of Chichester. In response, the king denied him access to the cathedral, so Richard spent two years wandering barefoot through his diocese, living very simply on the charity of his flock.

When the quarrel with the king was finally settled and Richard was given access to the cathedral and bishop's residence, he lived there almost as a beggar, wearing a hair shirt, fasting often, and sleeping on the floor. Nevertheless, he was an efficient administrator and a stern disciplinarian when the occasion called for it. He entertained the poor, however, lavishly and ultimately willed his episcopal estate to the poor, to hospitals, and to widows and orphans.

The words of hymn 654 in The Hymnal 1982 are attributed to him, “Day by day, dear Lord, of thee three things I pray: to see thee more clearly, love thee more dearly, follow thee more nearly, day by day.”  (From "Holy Men, Holy Women.")

Another example is Aidan of Lindisfarne in the 7th century. He was a bishop and steadfast defender of Celtic Christian practices. King Oswald of Northumbria once gave him a horse and a cart for his journeys after learning he usually traveled on foot. Soon after, Aidan met a beggar and gave him both the horse and cart. This upset the king, yet Aidan was able to convince him that this was the correct thing for a Christian to do.

In the tradition of Christian Orthodoxy, the bishop is to be both servant to his people, father to his flock, and is to represents Christ in the midst of his diocese. Therefore, he must be compassionate, humble, kindhearted and available to his people. He must be humble, lest he fall into the trap of seeing this sacred office as his divine right to lord over those under him.

Orthodoxy does not have Lord bishops [prince prelates as bishops], but monks who are consecrated to serve as pastors and fathers to their people. The western medieval imagery of Lord bishops has never had a place in Orthodoxy, and their best bishops have been men of holiness, humility and simplicity. (For more see Monkrock.)

With the recent election of the Cardinal Jorge Mario Bergoglio of Buenos Aires of head of the Roman Catholic Church and his taking of the name "Francis" (after the 13th century saint by that name) I have heard and read that many of my Catholic friends have an expectation that this pope will be more of a servant leader to the Church. This of course will not be easy. But there are some strong signs that Francis intends to be different. For example, after his election the word "bishop" crossed his lips more than "pope" or "pontiff" and he referred to himself first as the bishop of Rome and to the former pope not as a retired pope but emeritus bishop. And there was something genuine about the way he referred to our journey of faith as one that we take together in love and trust. When he asked for help from those assembled that day in Rome, he asked for help from those assembled, bowed his head, and received prayer from those assembled. (For more click here.)

I have a personal story about a humble religious leader that goes back to my days on the International Peace Council in the 90s. It was when I participated in a peace march in Cambodia and met and walked with the man who was the leader of Cambodian Buddhism, the late Maha Ghosananda. To me, this man was almost Christ-like in his humility, love and forgiveness to the Khmer Rouge who had exterminated his family in their reign of genocide. One evening, he even offered me his bed and would have gladly slept on the floor of the temple in which we were staying. He literally exuded love, patience and humility.

There is a strong tradition within the Christian Church and most of the enduring religions of the world to try to raise up humble and servant leaders. Frequently they fail. Yet when a true servant leader emerges, it is truly like the breath of God!

Wouldn't it be nice (and even edifying) if our religious leaders acted more like servants than princes?

Loving an Addict

John O'Donohue (1956-2008)

Who among us doesn't have a loved one, close friend or family member that is an addict?

Being in relationship with a loved one who is an addict is not an easy path. In fact, it is a long and often disappointing journey involving disappointment, failure, guilt, shame, anger, and frequently enabling behavior on our part. Addiction free time is often short and not long lasting. We quickly learn that the recovery journey is like watching a series of shipwrecks from the shore. We become tired of being the rescue boat and simply want relief. That is why after a number of years, family and loved ones simply have to disengage from this tragic dance. Being one of  those who has had the experience of loving an addict, I can attest to all those experiences and feelings.

During Lent, my church community read John O'Donohue's book, Anam Cara (which means "soul friend). I was greatly impressed by O'Donohue's writing and this led me to one of his other books, To Bless the Space Between Us: A Book of Blessings. In this treasure trough, I found a blessing for an addict that touched my heart and spoke strongly to me.

For in dealing with an addict we often feel totally hopeless, even impotent. This leads us sometimes to throw our hands into the air and say, "All I can do now is to pray!" as if prayer and blessing were the last step rather than the first and most important step we can take when dealing with a loved one who is an addict. Let this prayer-blessing enfold the addict in your life.

FOR AN ADDICT

On its way through the innocent night,
The moth is ambushed by the light,
Becomes glued to a window 
Where a candle burns; its whole self, 

Its dreams of flight and all desire 
Trapped in one glazed gaze;

Now nothing else can satisfy
But the deadly beauty of the flame.

When you lose the feel 
For all other belonging
And what is truly near 
Becomes distant and ghostly,
And you are visited

And claimed by a simplicity
Sinister in its singularity,

No longer yourself, your mind

And will owned and steered

From elsewhere now,

You would sacrifice anything

To dance once more to the haunted

Music with your fatal beloved

Who owns the eyes to your heart.

These words of blessings cannot

Reach, even as echos,

To the shore of where you are.
Yet, may they work without you
To soften some slight line through

To the white cave where

Your soul is captive.

May some glimmer

Of outside light reach your eyes
To help you recognize how

You have fallen for a vampire.

May you crash hard and soon
Onto real ground again
Where this fundamentalist

Shell might start to crack
for you to hear

Again your own echo.

That your lost lonesome heart 
Might learn to cry out
For the true intimacy

Of love that waits

To take you home

To where you are known

And seen and where

Your life is treasured
Beyond every frontier
Of despair you have crossed.

May this blessing help you in your journey as it has in mine.

Once More: The Finding of Happiness

Yet another book about finding happiness has been released. Such is our human quest. But how many of us really find it?

So what is the key? Well, it goes like this... If you are looking for happiness you might as well forget it. Our consumerist models of happiness simply don't work (What does happen to those multi-millionaire lottery winners?).

Sorry, but happiness is not found by acquiring large amounts of anything (including big-time money).

Now here's a clue: We don’t find happiness by trying to fulfill our desires—we find it when we stop looking for it and start focusing on others, going outside our selves, serving others.

Jesus was right, by letting go, we find; by giving, we receive.

Now you know what to do.

A Nightmare

Who among us has not had a nightmare (or at least a terrifying thought) about hitting a pedestrian with our automobile? 

That nightmare recently happened to a clergyman who was a bishop in my town. The stunning fact is that I not only knew the man but also the woman who was killed -- a mother of three, who was out jogging on Sunday afternoon last week. I hired her a number of years ago as a police officer. 

The bishop was the way to a church activity that afternoon. After striking her, he fled the scene of the accident. He was, nevertheless, apprehended by police a short time later. An accident? I am sure. But the problem with accidents is that if you leave the scene, or are intoxicated, you compound the severity. In this case, the bishop had a blood alcohol reading of .128 -- the legal limit in our state is .08. He is now charged with three felonies and, if convicted, could spend years in prison. In the meantime, a woman is dead and there is grief all around.

The bishop is well-respected and presides over 145 congregations as leader of the South-Central Synod of the Wisconsin Evangelical Lutheran Church in America (ELCA). A statement was issued from the bishop's office: "We're holding the family of the woman who was killed in our prayers and we are really asking that God would be with them and provide them comfort in their grief and all those who have been impacted"  Click Here for the News Article

How do we make sense of this horrible tragedy? I have to say it has shaken me. Could it have been prevented? In my experience, it is easy for those who have powerful and prestigious positions to find themselves secretly in trouble with personal addictions, abusing power, sexual misconduct, or financial misdeeds. Prevention is difficult but not impossible. Often friends and loved ones around powerful and prestigious people often know of their often self-destructive behavior but are unable to act for a variety of reasons.

This is often occurs because as a person’s personal power and prestige increase, accountability for their behavior seems to decrease. Can anyone of us hold powerful people we may love and admire without coming under their wrath?

I think this is where moral character (and a working spirituality) come into play. In business, government, and the church, few people can speak truth to power. And that is an unfortunate situation in our society -- especially in the church.

I have a different take on all this. I believe it is not only the responsibility of  a leader to strive for health and wellness, but also those who work with that leader. I know, this is shaky ground, but bear with me!

It is a danger for any one of us who hold power over others not to have a soul friend with whom we can (and will) be accountable to for our behavior -- both at home and at work. By this I mean another person who can ask critical spiritual and wellness questions and be given a truthful answer. Let me suggest a few:

1. Tell me about your current health and wellness -- your exercise program, and especially how you handle stress in your job and with your family?

2. Tell me about your primary relationships -- the quality of the time you spend with your spouse, children, and closest friends? Tell me honestly, what is it like to be in a loving relationship with you?

3. What are your personal improvement goals? Name three of them. How are you doing in pursuing and achieving them?

4. What role does alcohol (including prescription drugs) play in your life. How much and how often do you use them? Have any of your friends or your spouse voiced concern about your use of alcohol or other drugs? If they have, what are you doing about it?

5. What are the temptations in your life and how do you handle them?

6. How do you handle disappointment and conflict at work and at home? How have you handled losses in your life?

7. What is your religious and/or spiritual life like? Do you truly practice what you say you believe?

Remember, these are suggestions -- a good place to start. While it is difficult for an employee, or even a board or commission, to have this kind of relationship with a leader, it is vitally important that leaders take the initiative to have this kind of relationship with someone. It is what I call a "mutual accountability;" that is, two people who can give each other a pledge of confidentiality, total honesty, and deep openness and then do this important protective interpersonal work.

It isn't easy. And I don't know if the bishop involved in this tragedy last week had such a relationship. But being in government and the church for over half a century now, I will venture to say that he did not.

My prayers go out everyone who has been so horribly impacted by this event. I also pray that those who hold powerful and prestigious positions of authority in our society are able to work through the above questions with a trusted person.

Not to do so is risky business for all of us.

++++++++++++++

Just after posting this, the following article appeared the following day on the front page of the New York Times and is one of my major points. The first sentence reads as follows:

"After a series of scandals involving high-ranking officers, the American military for the first time will require generals and admirals to be evaluated by their peers and the people they command on qualities including personal character."

This is something I required from the leaders in my organization (police) over 30 years ago. Since that time, it has also a practice that many organizational consultants have recommended be adopted by both government and business -- not only peer evaluation but also that of subordinates.

CLICK HERE for the Article

Postscript: It was in November of 2011 that the bishop's wife died after a battle with cancer.

Still I Rise!

Her poem, “Still I Rise” (1978) has been one of Maya Angelou’s best-loved and most influential poems. In it, Angelou talks about resilience and dignity of the human spirit. It is an uplifting piece that will hopefully cause those of us who hear it to remember why it is "we rise!"

"You may write me down in history

With your bitter, twisted lies,

You may trod me in the very dirt

But still, like dust, I'll rise..."

Why a Spiritual Practice?

From time to time, someone will ask me, “Why should I have a spiritual practice?” My first response may be a little startling, but I usually tell them that the reason is that it will help us when we die.

Being at the side of many who have died over the years has given me this insight. The more unprepared we are, the more unresolved issues we have in our life, the more difficult is our dying. 

Preparing for our death will also help us to live better lives as we journey on life's path. And aa spiritual practice puts us in touch with the Other, the Creator, the unseen spiritual world. In doing so, we begin the important work in our lives to live outside of ourselves and to control our egos and to realize that life is not all about us.

Now you can disregard any belief in things unseen. But in doing so, I believe we miss the mystery and blessings of a life spiritually connected with others and the universe itself. (Why do those electrons do what they do? And why can’t science explain everything?)

The other piece of living a more spiritual life is that I believe our lives will become better simply by trying to live better – more peacefully, less consuming, and with more compassion. This helps us to be a better friend and person.

For me personally, it goes back to the 1980s during my time in government. It was the time many companies were losing market-share and looked for a way out. For many of them (like the automobile industry) it was to focus on continuous improvement and long-term, total customer satisfaction. Isn’t that a good spiritual practice as well – “O holy One, help me to improve continuously”?

How does one begin? We begin by crafting a more compassionate, purposeful, less frenetic life step by step.

What is the one thing you can do today and continue to practice to make that happen?

Breaking a Taboo

            A TABOO is a practice or topic of conversation that is prohibited or restricted by custom. And the particular taboo I am talking about today is the open discussion of death and end-of-life issues with our loved ones. Avoiding this important discussion will not forestall the inevitability of our death. If there is one truth in this life it is this: each one of us one day will die and we shall know neither the day nor the hour when it will happen.

Because so many of us are reluctant to address or talk about this truth makes it a taboo. And the way to neutralize a taboo is to bring it into the light – into our conversations.

            Here’s some information we need to know. At the turn of the last century, the average life expectancy of Americans was 48 years. Half of all children died before reaching twelve years of age, and most people died at home; a home, by the way, where several generations often lived together. Back then, it was perfectly normal for people of all ages to witness the death of family members and friends.

             In 1910, 75 percent of Americans died at home.  By the end of that century, the number of deaths at home had declined to 25 percent. 

             Today, with the intervention of advanced medical technology, most people die in hospitals or other healthcare institutions – not at home. And instead of dying suddenly as in the past, most of us will suffer today from lingering, chronic illnesses that often linger on months before our death. Simply said, death is not familiar to us. We just don’t know what to do when we, or our loved ones, are faced with it. We avoid the conversation. But we need to have it.

           
         Making the film, “Consider the Conversation, was highly personal on the part of the producers. They both had recently lost loved ones and struggled to make sense of it. Their goals in making this documentary film were fairly simple, but far from easy:

·         Change the commonly held American attitude that considers death as a failed medical event rather than a  normal life-process rich in opportunity for human growth.

·         Inspire a conversation between patients, their loved ones and medical practitioners.

·         Encourage a change in behavior by encouraging medical professionals, healthcare organizations, and clergy to take the lead in encouraging this important conversation.

           The film aligns beautifully with the advance care planning (which includes entering into a conversation with our loved ones about their end-of-life wishes, documenting them and taking action to ensure they’re honored).

            The film is not particularly “religious;” it does not provide any particular answer to the questions; instead, it encourages us to think about and answer some very specific questions.

·         When it is your time to die—where would you like to be, and with whom?

·         Why do you think so many people say they want to die at home?

·         If your goal is to die at home, have you thought about what resources would be necessary to achieve that goal?

·         If you would rather die in a place other than home, where would you like to be?

·         How do you feel about depending on others at the end of your life?

·         If you had a terminally ill loved one, would you feel comfortable caring for him or her in your home?

For more information, visit their website.

And a good idea would be to order the DVD, get your friends and family together for a viewing and then begin this necessary conversation.

I pray that you will have the courage and strength to enter into this important conversation with your loved ones.