“The
Notebook,” starring James Garner/Ryan Gosling was released a decade ago (2004).
It was based on Nicholas Sparks’ popular book of the same name. For me, it was
the year after Sabine retired and we were thinking of down-sizing and finding a
smaller parish to serve.
I
remember reading the book and then seeing the movie; a nice, intense, passionate
love story. At the time, I am sure I identified it as a "chick flick" (you
know, the movies guys go to with their women in order to demonstrate their love).
Okay, a nice flick, time to move on," I thought at the time..
Now,
a decade later, and after much loss and grief in my own life (Sabine’s cancer
diagnosis, our son’s suicide) it took on new meaning when I stumbled into the movie last
weekend as we surfed for an afternoon movie. Although the film was
halfway over we decided to sit back and watch it.
Wham!
How different I found this story and how it impacted me now a decade later. No
longer a "chick flick" but a story that could be my story. The man in the story
reminisced his life with his now disabled wife; their crazy, wildly-in-love
early days were just like ours! Now she no longer recognizes her children -- or
him. Dementia has captured her.
The
man's adult children beg him to leave her and come home, "Dad, she doesn't know
you or us anymore, so please, come home!" But he won't. He stays in the nursing
home where she now resides. Each day he reads from a notebook he has kept through
the years which is the story of their life together. But she only knows it as a
nice story about a couple in love. She doesn't know the story is their story,
who he is, or the love he still has for her.
Then there was the poignant
candlelight dinner scene when some of her memories of him returned. It was a
special evening supported by the nursing home staff; reminiscing and dancing to
old tunes. No longer strangers. Now she remembers – now she doesn’t. Suddenly,
"Who are you? Help!" she cries out.
Then
the ending. He wakes up during the night, steals past the nursing staff into her
room, He carefully and quietly lies on the bed with her, holding her hand. In
the morning, the staff finds the two of them, together in bed, joined in
death.
I sat
there, frozen, with tears streaming down my face remembering our “crazy,
wildly-in-love years,” raising children and spoiling grandchildren, Now growing
old together. There is a deep and lasting message: none of us knows the end which awaits us -- only that one day there will be
one.
Yes,
my friends, this is the life God has given us. The only one we will ever have. And, yet, still full of blessing, cherished
memories, and an ability each of us has to love in a way that “passes all
understanding.”
For many of us, our
children are entering middle age -- a "half-time" for them. A time when they,
too, will reflect on the first half of their life and decide if they are going
to make any changes in their "game plan."
Many of us are in our fourth quarter. It
doesn't matter what the score is. There is no scoreboard. It's only about how we
play the rest of the game-time we have been given. Still time for life, love,
joy, and relationship. Use it. What exists for us in the last quarter is the
opportunity to get it right and play it right. It's never too late to be a
person of integrity, honesty, and faith.
Sitting there on the couch with Sabine, watching this story of passionate love
and bone-numbing loss, I deeply sensed God. I know God through Christ will keep
his promise in Matthew's Gospel, "I am with you always, to the end of
the age." The promise is good and true. It's really all I need.
