The origins of a “restoration cruise” began last fall after Matthew’s death. Sadly, we came together in Blue Mounds for a memorial service. We all were touched by the need to connect; the realization that life is too short, too precious and that we have amazing people in our family. Almost as one, we felt we must now try and connect our lives.
Three years earlier we had found ourselves together at Allison’s funeral. It also had a profound impact on us. These two tragedies were two seeds planted in the soil of our family. These experiences could drive us further apart in our pain or, perhaps, we thought, they could bring us closer together. It took the latter course. And now we all know that these two events were to bring about the loved and restoration we all experience today.
I sensed that two spiritual “words” were given to us last fall during Matthew’s memorial. They were “reconciliation” and “restoration.” From them we came to understand that the suffering, loss and grief we experienced as a family would be healed. That our family could, in fact, grow from these tragedies.
Relationships were in need of reconciliation. Years had been lost that needed restoration. And now, this past year, relationships were built. We began communicating with each other and being supportive – we could feel the love that began to flow from this. It was the healing balm that was needed to get through the grief we all were experiencing. And from reconciliation came restoration. Yes, the years that were lost were now being restored!
The hat design contest captured this theme of restoration and reconciliation: “Couper Restoration Cruise, Linking Hearts, 2011.”
On Sunday morning, as the weekend wound down, we assembled on top of one of the two boats we rented for the weekend. We shared our thoughts of the weekend journey – those things for which we were thankful. I heard you rejoice in this “unity among our diversity” and the tremendously fulfilling experience of being friends with one another. Acknowledging we are alike, but different, and that’s okay. Carrying on the tradition we started last fall, we joined hands in a circle before our evening meal – a “circle of love” -- which linked hands and hearts with thanksgiving and celebration. Each one of us are now at different points in our life’s journey; different stages of life, career, and spirituality.
Many of us have different faith and belief systems, yet there was an intentional practice of hospitality and love. This was very important and something that is being intentionally practiced in the family. It is a good thing!
Over the weekend, we shared meal preparation, stories, and laughter. We fished, kayaked, and jumped again and again off the top deck of the boats and into the river… it was joyful, cleansing, and refreshing. The river became both vehicle and metaphor. Five of you experienced your early years on a Mississippi houseboat – this was both a memory and a willingness to share that experience with other family members. So the cruise became a time to look back and a time to move forward – this time together with the incorporation of new family members.
I didn’t want to get maudlin when my turn came to speak on that Sunday morning, but I did. My heart was so full, so linked! I was so thankful and yet I wanted also to remember Allison and Matthew; how I loved them and still feel their loss. Almost a year has now passed since Matthew died. I also realize that I am chronologically approaching the end of my journey. I have made mistakes. We all have made some. Yet I feel we all are committed to making forward progress – to grow. I am proud of this family. And I deeply love each one of you!
As I said, that weekend enables me to die a happy man! (I am serious!) I am blessed to be your father, father-in-law, grandfather, and great-grandfather. I am thankful I have lived long enough to participate in that weekend. My longevity has enabled me to remember the good things in life so that my tears of sadness are usually mixed with laughter and fond remembrances. That Sunday morning, I looked around me. There was my family, and the woman who made all this possible. Sabine, never let me give up; assuring me over the years that what I was hoping, dreaming, and praying for would one day be possible.
Again, I want to thank all of you for being there. For those of you who couldn’t make it, you were included, thought of, remembered and loved. Thank you, all of you. You have blessed me with something I could never have imagined as being possible. It was a great weekend. A miracle. God does show up in our lives when we ask. And when God shows up it is truly awesome!
Dear David, thank you for sharing this profound experience and planting seeds of hope among various and sundry of your readers... reconciliation IS possible, and love never, ever ends.
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