If you have been following my blogs you will find quite a few of them addressing men and their spirituality. I don’t know who first said it, but it seems to be true – “Left on their own, the effect of a spiritual encounter for most men lasts less than 24 hours.” ( Now I don’t know if this applies to women or not, I can only speak for myself and what I have seen with my male friends).
I know that I have to work to keep the spiritual “fire” aglow and I have found that a group of like-minded men is the way to keep that fire burning. I can quickly fall back into my old patterns and old self without brothers in Christ around me. Thankfully, God has kept working on me, while I keep wanting to be the old comfortable person I once was and not the new creation to which God constantly invites me to become.
What all this boils down to is discipline, doesn’t it? Am we disciplined enough to grow into the man God created us to be? Will I be a disciple (of someone or some thing) which is, of course, closely related to the word “discipline”? Will we be content with being our old selves? (For me, the self I was before I said “yes” to God? And, looking back, the old self that caused a lot of pain and unhappiness to myself and others?).
Now the choice really is up to you and me. Looking back on our lives, the things we are most proud of, were they not all accomplished through discipline? (It was for me, my tour with the Marines, my time at the university, being a husband and father, and in my professional work. In each of these instances, I experienced early success and then had to do a “half-time” check -- which involved a brutal self-assessment of my unhappiness with my present self).
A self-assessment which asks us, “Are we being true to the values we claim are important to us? Are we being the best husband and father to our children that we could be? If we lead or direct other people, do we use fear and coercion to get the job done or do we use modeling, service, and fair play as the basis of our leadership? Looking back on over fifty years of my adult life I know the times I have stumbled/fallen/sinned and while it may have taken me a while to adjust my life and re-establish relationships with the people whom I loved, I finally think I have gotten closer to aligning my core values with my actions. Yet, I know I am not perfect, but I struggle in God’s direction and I hope my loved ones can see that progress.
And that comes to the importance of taking a time out – going into the locker room, so to say, of our life during a half-time break and asking ourselves these three questions about our IDENTITY, MISSION and ACTION:
1. OUR IDENTITY: WHO are we?
2. OUR MISSION IN LIFE: Why do we EXIST?
3. OUR ACTIONS IN LIFE: How do we DO this (act on our MISSION)?
This “half-time” or “life assessment” process is important for every man (and woman, too). It is the basis of who we are and what we will do in this life. While each one of us may have really screwed up royally in the past, we can make a new start – we are human beings – human beings have the ability to change; to transform and created new and better lives for themselves. That is the process of being the person God created you and I to be.
Don’t give it up! Become a disciplined person on fire for God. You cannot do this alone – you need to find other men who are willing to share their values, mistakes, shame, and hope for a better tomorrow; men who are willing to share their mission in life -- and be real about it. And you need to pray for strength and clarity.
When you find a group of others willing to go deep, to be accountable (and confidential), just remember one ground rule – “no bullshit!” We are good at being as unreal as are independent and unaccountable . God works best in community. Find yours. Through it all remember just that one spiritual maxim – “No Bullshit.” When we practice honesty with ourselves, we will quickly find God in our lives and in our hearts.
Monday, June 28, 2010
Thursday, June 24, 2010
Spirituality of Denominations
Being an Episcopalian (Anglican) is not an easy task today. Anglicans from the Global South (most of Asia and Africa) are at odds with most of us in the North and West of this long-standing global communion which headquarters rest in Canterbury in the United Kingdom. I am often asked why I am Anglican and not some other kind of Christian. Being an Anglican (“Episcopalian” in America) was not only my family’s denominational choice, but also the conscious decision I made as an adult.
The first of many factors for me were the matters of tradition and authority. As I understood the early church, tradition was important was an important part of the Christian faith along with the writings of the leaders of the Church during the first four centuries. That narrows me down somewhat to being either Anglican, Roman Catholic or Orthodox. I have to admit that I have always been a lover of formal liturgy and I would be uncomfortable worshipping every Sunday in a non-liturgical church. For example, while I admire the simplicity of the Quakers and Unitarians, along with the praise music found in many non-denominational churches today, it would be difficult for me to worship in that way on a regular basis.
I love to worship God through song and even dance. This could easily put me into a Vineyard or one of the Pentecostal churches.
But then I would have another problem, how could I live without the Eucharist on a regular basis? I know my love for the Lord’s Supper reflects the historical and traditional side of my faith. I have always tended to center my worship life in the Eucharist. Without regular reception of this sacrament, my faith life would seem empty.
I love the history of the early church and its doctrines, most which come well before the time of the Reformation. This attraction makes me, of course, Trinitarian, biblically-centered, and theologically orthodox. I do not struggle with the literal truth of the virgin birth of Jesus, his miracles, or resurrection. I believe essentially what the Church as a whole has believed at all times and places down through the ages. I am not perplexed by mystery, nor confused by miracles.
But I also have found that I have to worship in a church that respects my reason and a church that is willing to be informed by God’s continuing work in creation -- through science, medicine, philosophy, sociology and other modes learning in the world. I cannot leave my brain outside the church while I worship inside. My faith must be reasonable and compatible with the intelligence God gave me.
Now what kind of Christian would a person be who rejects central authority, love church history and liturgy (including incense!); who loves joyful worship, and values human reason? I would have to say that that person would be an Anglican; a church that has a tradition of staying together even when disagreements are present:
A church with deep catholic (universal) and historical roots.
A church deeply influenced and formed by the Reformation as well as the Age of Reason.
A church in which there is depth and breadth and does not force belief. (It is more important for newcomers first to belong, then, later, to come to believe as we do).
An historic church, yet not unable to change.
We once believed in one, unbroken Church, yet we changed and embraced the theology of the Reformers in the 16th century. We once believed only men could be members of the clergy; we now have women in all three historic orders of the church where they serve as deacons, priests and bishops (but not everywhere throughout our Communion. We once believed that a sinner had to go through a priest in order to be forgiven; we now believe this is between a believer and God.
So things we once thought important to faith, have now changed. We simply believe that if we are true and faithful to God, we, as a community of faith, will eventually find the truth.
Therefore, we are a church on a journey. During my years, I have often found out that some things are not quite so "black and white" as they first seemed to me – and if I seek to be the love that Jesus taught (patient and understanding), I have a good chance of finding the truth he taught. In the meantime, I try to live with questions that, for the present time, I may not have answers.
This is why I am an Anglican and I encourage you to go through the same spiritual process – why are you who you say you are with regard to your faith? Even as we do this we must remember one universal truth – we are all one in Christ!
And that means for those of us who call ourselves Christian -- that we are first followers of Jesus and, secondly, members of a particular Christian denomination!
The first of many factors for me were the matters of tradition and authority. As I understood the early church, tradition was important was an important part of the Christian faith along with the writings of the leaders of the Church during the first four centuries. That narrows me down somewhat to being either Anglican, Roman Catholic or Orthodox. I have to admit that I have always been a lover of formal liturgy and I would be uncomfortable worshipping every Sunday in a non-liturgical church. For example, while I admire the simplicity of the Quakers and Unitarians, along with the praise music found in many non-denominational churches today, it would be difficult for me to worship in that way on a regular basis.
I love to worship God through song and even dance. This could easily put me into a Vineyard or one of the Pentecostal churches.
But then I would have another problem, how could I live without the Eucharist on a regular basis? I know my love for the Lord’s Supper reflects the historical and traditional side of my faith. I have always tended to center my worship life in the Eucharist. Without regular reception of this sacrament, my faith life would seem empty.
I love the history of the early church and its doctrines, most which come well before the time of the Reformation. This attraction makes me, of course, Trinitarian, biblically-centered, and theologically orthodox. I do not struggle with the literal truth of the virgin birth of Jesus, his miracles, or resurrection. I believe essentially what the Church as a whole has believed at all times and places down through the ages. I am not perplexed by mystery, nor confused by miracles.
But I also have found that I have to worship in a church that respects my reason and a church that is willing to be informed by God’s continuing work in creation -- through science, medicine, philosophy, sociology and other modes learning in the world. I cannot leave my brain outside the church while I worship inside. My faith must be reasonable and compatible with the intelligence God gave me.
Now what kind of Christian would a person be who rejects central authority, love church history and liturgy (including incense!); who loves joyful worship, and values human reason? I would have to say that that person would be an Anglican; a church that has a tradition of staying together even when disagreements are present:
A church with deep catholic (universal) and historical roots.
A church deeply influenced and formed by the Reformation as well as the Age of Reason.
A church in which there is depth and breadth and does not force belief. (It is more important for newcomers first to belong, then, later, to come to believe as we do).
An historic church, yet not unable to change.
We once believed in one, unbroken Church, yet we changed and embraced the theology of the Reformers in the 16th century. We once believed only men could be members of the clergy; we now have women in all three historic orders of the church where they serve as deacons, priests and bishops (but not everywhere throughout our Communion. We once believed that a sinner had to go through a priest in order to be forgiven; we now believe this is between a believer and God.
So things we once thought important to faith, have now changed. We simply believe that if we are true and faithful to God, we, as a community of faith, will eventually find the truth.
Therefore, we are a church on a journey. During my years, I have often found out that some things are not quite so "black and white" as they first seemed to me – and if I seek to be the love that Jesus taught (patient and understanding), I have a good chance of finding the truth he taught. In the meantime, I try to live with questions that, for the present time, I may not have answers.
This is why I am an Anglican and I encourage you to go through the same spiritual process – why are you who you say you are with regard to your faith? Even as we do this we must remember one universal truth – we are all one in Christ!
And that means for those of us who call ourselves Christian -- that we are first followers of Jesus and, secondly, members of a particular Christian denomination!
Thursday, June 10, 2010
Barn Dance -- The Spirituality of Family
What are the spiritual possibilities of family? Today’s families are complex social groups – no longer is there a “norm” for what constitutes “family.” In fact, what’s that saying? – The only thing normal today is the setting on your clothes dryer!
When I grew up, a so-called “normal family” was mom and dad and 2.5 kids. I never knew another child whose parents were divorced. The operating values of those families were “duty and responsibility.” Not so today. Today’s operating values, I would suggest, are “happiness and fulfillment.”
Now I am not writing this piece to complain. We cannot and should not go back to the 1950s or 60s. But what we can do is to try and better understand where we once were, where we are now and how we can proceed into the future with integrity.
In the family in which I grew up, I was the oldest and had a younger sister. There was no divorce in my family memory – and no major apparent issues. “Issues” simply were not discussed.
But when I set out from home in the late 1950s, I seemed to enter a different world. I married young when I was in the Marines (it lasted 7 years and we had three children together). My next marriage found me with three children from my first marriage, plus three more. It lasted for 15 years. The third time I seemed to get it right. My wife and I have been married for nearly 30 years and we have three grown children whom we adopted.
Now that’s a complex family! Nine children ranging from 50 years of age to 26. Eleven grandchildren. Two ex-wives. Eleven grand-children and a range of relationships not only between me and my adult children but also between those children who share the same father, but not the same mother. Nevertheless, happiness and fulfillment were, and continue to be, important to me while I feel some shame about former marriages that, no doubt, come from my growing up being taught family is about duty and responsibility – NOT about happiness and fulfillment. Yet, I can say that I recognize the problems to which I have contributed and take responsibility for them.
As I said, this is a complex family with complex relationships. The only way I can explain my family is through a metaphor – the metaphor of a large barn dance. Everyone in the community is invited to the dance. Some show up more frequently than others. There is a lot of talking – as the years have passed more participants are engaged in the talking and more are testing out the fun of dancing together. In the early years, few came to the dance, now more are engaged and there is a standing invitation to come to the dance.
Over the years, I have found that I cannot participate in every dance, nor can I be responsible for everyone’s happiness and fulfillment. I have apologized to my children that I was not always the best father. In the early years, I invested a lot of my time and energy into my career thinking that a good father is first of all a good provider. I did what I thought was bests and now I must realize that some of the decisions I made (like divorce or spending too much time at the office) was harmful to my older children.
I know I was a young father and not always emotionally available. Thankfully, I grew older and I think I finally leaned how to be a good husband and father. I continued to work on my emotional/spiritual life. In short, I have tried to learn some new dances.
All this, of course, has not been easy on my large and extended family. We have suffered the loss of a grand-daughter… my wife has an incurable blood cancer… my youngest daughter, an army officer, is now stationed in Afghanistan, and a number of us have struggled with alcohol and other drug abuse. In our journey together, we have experienced personal tragedies, life-struggles, losses and divorces along with many joys. I tend also to include in my family those who were once married to my children and are now custodial parents of my grandchildren.
This summer, some of my children have organized a “barn dance” at our farm. I sense we all are trying to continue to grow our relationships… to forgive one another… and now dancing is becoming easier.
But the bottom line for all of us (and the spirituality of all relationships) is love – how to give it and how to receive it. How will we put aside our childhood family expectations? We, like our families, are not perfect. But my continuing prayer throughout the years has been for restoration and renewal – “it ain’t over ‘till it’s over!”
After all, ife is too precious and short to waste on anger and resentment when healing is possible. Life starts out slow. Remember your summers as a youth? They seemed to last forever. Now, as we grow older, it all speeds up. What was once a summer is now a decade! Therefore, it’s a terrible waste of our life not to enjoy it – not to dance!
It is in this process of “doing family” that God can be sought and found. The true spirituality of family is being able to see the face of God in one another; being able to put aside the regrets, pain, loss, and grief of our childhood and no longer let it dictate our future. What was was and cannot be undone – and that can be okay!
I pray that you, too, will be able to enter into and enjoy your family’s “barn dance” – after all, it is the only dance in town.
Blessings to each one of you!
When I grew up, a so-called “normal family” was mom and dad and 2.5 kids. I never knew another child whose parents were divorced. The operating values of those families were “duty and responsibility.” Not so today. Today’s operating values, I would suggest, are “happiness and fulfillment.”
Now I am not writing this piece to complain. We cannot and should not go back to the 1950s or 60s. But what we can do is to try and better understand where we once were, where we are now and how we can proceed into the future with integrity.
In the family in which I grew up, I was the oldest and had a younger sister. There was no divorce in my family memory – and no major apparent issues. “Issues” simply were not discussed.
But when I set out from home in the late 1950s, I seemed to enter a different world. I married young when I was in the Marines (it lasted 7 years and we had three children together). My next marriage found me with three children from my first marriage, plus three more. It lasted for 15 years. The third time I seemed to get it right. My wife and I have been married for nearly 30 years and we have three grown children whom we adopted.
Now that’s a complex family! Nine children ranging from 50 years of age to 26. Eleven grandchildren. Two ex-wives. Eleven grand-children and a range of relationships not only between me and my adult children but also between those children who share the same father, but not the same mother. Nevertheless, happiness and fulfillment were, and continue to be, important to me while I feel some shame about former marriages that, no doubt, come from my growing up being taught family is about duty and responsibility – NOT about happiness and fulfillment. Yet, I can say that I recognize the problems to which I have contributed and take responsibility for them.
As I said, this is a complex family with complex relationships. The only way I can explain my family is through a metaphor – the metaphor of a large barn dance. Everyone in the community is invited to the dance. Some show up more frequently than others. There is a lot of talking – as the years have passed more participants are engaged in the talking and more are testing out the fun of dancing together. In the early years, few came to the dance, now more are engaged and there is a standing invitation to come to the dance.
Over the years, I have found that I cannot participate in every dance, nor can I be responsible for everyone’s happiness and fulfillment. I have apologized to my children that I was not always the best father. In the early years, I invested a lot of my time and energy into my career thinking that a good father is first of all a good provider. I did what I thought was bests and now I must realize that some of the decisions I made (like divorce or spending too much time at the office) was harmful to my older children.
I know I was a young father and not always emotionally available. Thankfully, I grew older and I think I finally leaned how to be a good husband and father. I continued to work on my emotional/spiritual life. In short, I have tried to learn some new dances.
All this, of course, has not been easy on my large and extended family. We have suffered the loss of a grand-daughter… my wife has an incurable blood cancer… my youngest daughter, an army officer, is now stationed in Afghanistan, and a number of us have struggled with alcohol and other drug abuse. In our journey together, we have experienced personal tragedies, life-struggles, losses and divorces along with many joys. I tend also to include in my family those who were once married to my children and are now custodial parents of my grandchildren.
This summer, some of my children have organized a “barn dance” at our farm. I sense we all are trying to continue to grow our relationships… to forgive one another… and now dancing is becoming easier.
But the bottom line for all of us (and the spirituality of all relationships) is love – how to give it and how to receive it. How will we put aside our childhood family expectations? We, like our families, are not perfect. But my continuing prayer throughout the years has been for restoration and renewal – “it ain’t over ‘till it’s over!”
After all, ife is too precious and short to waste on anger and resentment when healing is possible. Life starts out slow. Remember your summers as a youth? They seemed to last forever. Now, as we grow older, it all speeds up. What was once a summer is now a decade! Therefore, it’s a terrible waste of our life not to enjoy it – not to dance!
It is in this process of “doing family” that God can be sought and found. The true spirituality of family is being able to see the face of God in one another; being able to put aside the regrets, pain, loss, and grief of our childhood and no longer let it dictate our future. What was was and cannot be undone – and that can be okay!
I pray that you, too, will be able to enter into and enjoy your family’s “barn dance” – after all, it is the only dance in town.
Blessings to each one of you!
Wednesday, June 2, 2010
A Letter to Young Men
[A number of years ago, I sent a similar letter to my youngest son who was about to graduate from high school. Upon reading this letter again, I am posting for all boys who are in the process of becoming men.]
So far I have had an interesting and fulfilling life. Reflecting on this, I think it's a result of some things I have held on to that have always been important to me. Some of them I learned early in life… others only recently… some with great difficulty.
1. Life-Long Learning. High school graduation is just the start of becoming knowledgeable. Be a life-long learner. Find fun and pleasure in learning things. Some things can be self-taught, but for others we need wise teachers. You will never be too old to learn. And not to continually learn in today’s society is to fall behind.
2. Work. Enjoy work and be happy there. If you can’t find fulfillment and happiness in your job, find one in which you can. Match your passion with your vocation. It's a lot easier that way. Work, while essential to living a happy and fulfilled life, can be both a blessing and a curse. It is a blessing because all the material things you need in life is a direct result of work, the negative side of this is that work can take over your life and ruin it and your family relationships. Work needs always to be kept in balance with your relationships. My father taught me three things about work: get there early, don't complain, and every job is a job worth doing well. What he didn’t tell me was that success at work usually means a sacrifice for the family.
3. Friends. I never realized until I was much older that a man is lucky in his life if he can count the number of his friends on one hand; that is, five real friends is a great achievement! It is always better to have friends rather than acquaintances. But friendship takes a lot of time and work. A friend is a person with whom you can trust and rely on. And that takes time. And you must be, in turn, a person who is reliable and trustworthy. My father always told me that you are only as good as your word. So be cautious with your words and your promises. Do what you say you are going to do -- and let your word always be your bond.
4. Family. If you choose to be married and raise a family, pick a partner who is first and foremost your best friend. Love is always about respect, mutuality and teamwork, not about dominance. Sex is always best when it is with a person whom you love and respect and to whom you have made a life-long commitment. When considering marriage, make sure you and your partner work well together as a team; that you share the same hopes and dreams, and that you have the highest respect for one another -- that's what sustains love through the years. I have found out that it is not enough for a woman to love you, she must also respect you. Gaining her respect is your job, not hers.
5. Health. Life is a lot easier if you begin to take care of your health at an early age. This we know about health, if we smoke, abuse alcohol and other drugs, drive recklessly, and treat others as objects, it will significantly shorten both the quality and duration of our life. Develop a life-long practice of eating well, getting enough sleep, and exercising. You also need to get an annual physical examination and take care of your teeth (and don’t forget about seat belts and sunblock).
6. Problems. Everyone has problems. Life is a series of problems. You cannot go through life without having some big ones. The test regarding problems is how we approach and handle them. My advice to you is to consider the problems you encounter as challenges -- 20 percent of any problem you encounter is the problem itself, and 80 percent it is how you respond to it. When confronting a problem, or other adversity, face it head on. Be honest with yourself, seek advice, consider your alternatives, choose the best one, keep the whole thing in perspective, and you will overcome it. After overcoming any problem or adversity, you will quickly find out that the farther down life’s road you go, the smaller the trouble related to it will seem.
7. Spirituality. God may not be big in your life right now. You are growing into a man and most men think they are in charge. My relationship with God through Jesus Christ has helped me live a better life. I can remember when God was in my life and when God was not. I now have chosen God. It is easy to forget God during your busy years of early manhood But there is a "big picture" out there -- and we are not the center. Two important truths exist: There is a God. And we are not him. Learn to know God, honor God and pray. Live a life of integrity. You'll be amazed how much easier and worthwhile your life will be.
I know that regardless of what anyone says, you will make your own decisions – some of them will be not the best and you will suffer like we all did, but as you go on into manhood -- learn from your mistakes.
While you may have had a father that was absent – either physically or emotionally, or a father who did not live up to your expectations, that does not have to rule your life. Those of us who have come from a family without a father or a father who was abusive, we can break the cycle. We can be the men God created us to be:
“Created in the God’s image,
Wild without being cruel,
Angry without being violent,
Sexual without being coercive,
Spiritual without being unsexed and able to truly love."
(Anonymous)
Young man, I bless you on your journey.
So far I have had an interesting and fulfilling life. Reflecting on this, I think it's a result of some things I have held on to that have always been important to me. Some of them I learned early in life… others only recently… some with great difficulty.
1. Life-Long Learning. High school graduation is just the start of becoming knowledgeable. Be a life-long learner. Find fun and pleasure in learning things. Some things can be self-taught, but for others we need wise teachers. You will never be too old to learn. And not to continually learn in today’s society is to fall behind.
2. Work. Enjoy work and be happy there. If you can’t find fulfillment and happiness in your job, find one in which you can. Match your passion with your vocation. It's a lot easier that way. Work, while essential to living a happy and fulfilled life, can be both a blessing and a curse. It is a blessing because all the material things you need in life is a direct result of work, the negative side of this is that work can take over your life and ruin it and your family relationships. Work needs always to be kept in balance with your relationships. My father taught me three things about work: get there early, don't complain, and every job is a job worth doing well. What he didn’t tell me was that success at work usually means a sacrifice for the family.
3. Friends. I never realized until I was much older that a man is lucky in his life if he can count the number of his friends on one hand; that is, five real friends is a great achievement! It is always better to have friends rather than acquaintances. But friendship takes a lot of time and work. A friend is a person with whom you can trust and rely on. And that takes time. And you must be, in turn, a person who is reliable and trustworthy. My father always told me that you are only as good as your word. So be cautious with your words and your promises. Do what you say you are going to do -- and let your word always be your bond.
4. Family. If you choose to be married and raise a family, pick a partner who is first and foremost your best friend. Love is always about respect, mutuality and teamwork, not about dominance. Sex is always best when it is with a person whom you love and respect and to whom you have made a life-long commitment. When considering marriage, make sure you and your partner work well together as a team; that you share the same hopes and dreams, and that you have the highest respect for one another -- that's what sustains love through the years. I have found out that it is not enough for a woman to love you, she must also respect you. Gaining her respect is your job, not hers.
5. Health. Life is a lot easier if you begin to take care of your health at an early age. This we know about health, if we smoke, abuse alcohol and other drugs, drive recklessly, and treat others as objects, it will significantly shorten both the quality and duration of our life. Develop a life-long practice of eating well, getting enough sleep, and exercising. You also need to get an annual physical examination and take care of your teeth (and don’t forget about seat belts and sunblock).
6. Problems. Everyone has problems. Life is a series of problems. You cannot go through life without having some big ones. The test regarding problems is how we approach and handle them. My advice to you is to consider the problems you encounter as challenges -- 20 percent of any problem you encounter is the problem itself, and 80 percent it is how you respond to it. When confronting a problem, or other adversity, face it head on. Be honest with yourself, seek advice, consider your alternatives, choose the best one, keep the whole thing in perspective, and you will overcome it. After overcoming any problem or adversity, you will quickly find out that the farther down life’s road you go, the smaller the trouble related to it will seem.
7. Spirituality. God may not be big in your life right now. You are growing into a man and most men think they are in charge. My relationship with God through Jesus Christ has helped me live a better life. I can remember when God was in my life and when God was not. I now have chosen God. It is easy to forget God during your busy years of early manhood But there is a "big picture" out there -- and we are not the center. Two important truths exist: There is a God. And we are not him. Learn to know God, honor God and pray. Live a life of integrity. You'll be amazed how much easier and worthwhile your life will be.
I know that regardless of what anyone says, you will make your own decisions – some of them will be not the best and you will suffer like we all did, but as you go on into manhood -- learn from your mistakes.
While you may have had a father that was absent – either physically or emotionally, or a father who did not live up to your expectations, that does not have to rule your life. Those of us who have come from a family without a father or a father who was abusive, we can break the cycle. We can be the men God created us to be:
“Created in the God’s image,
Wild without being cruel,
Angry without being violent,
Sexual without being coercive,
Spiritual without being unsexed and able to truly love."
(Anonymous)
Young man, I bless you on your journey.
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