The Spirituality of Men

If you have been following my blogs you will find quite a few of them addressing men and their spirituality. I don’t know who first said it, but it seems to be true – “Left on their own, the effect of a spiritual encounter for most men lasts less than 24 hours.” ( Now I don’t know if this applies to women or not, I can only speak for myself and what I have seen with my male friends).


I know that I have to work to keep the spiritual “fire” aglow and I have found that a group of like-minded men is the way to keep that fire burning. I can quickly fall back into my old patterns and old self without brothers in Christ around me. Thankfully, God has kept working on me, while I keep wanting to be the old comfortable person I once was and not the new creation to which God constantly invites me to become.

What all this boils down to is discipline, doesn’t it? Am we disciplined enough to grow into the man God created us to be? Will I be a disciple (of someone or some thing) which is, of course, closely related to the word “discipline”? Will we be content with being our old selves? (For me, the self I was before I said “yes” to God? And, looking back, the old self that caused a lot of pain and unhappiness to myself and others?).

Now the choice really is up to you and me. Looking back on our lives, the things we are most proud of, were they not all accomplished through discipline? (It was for me, my tour with the Marines, my time at the university, being a husband and father, and in my professional work. In each of these instances, I experienced early success and then had to do a “half-time” check -- which involved a brutal self-assessment of my unhappiness with my present self).

A self-assessment which asks us, “Are we being true to the values we claim are important to us? Are we being the best husband and father to our children that we could be? If we lead or direct other people, do we use fear and coercion to get the job done or do we use modeling, service, and fair play as the basis of our leadership? Looking back on over fifty years of my adult life I know the times I have stumbled/fallen/sinned and while it may have taken me a while to adjust my life and re-establish relationships with the people whom I loved, I finally think I have gotten closer to aligning my core values with my actions. Yet, I know I am not perfect, but I struggle in God’s direction and I hope my loved ones can see that progress.

And that comes to the importance of taking a time out – going into the locker room, so to say, of our life during a half-time break and asking ourselves these three questions about our IDENTITY, MISSION and ACTION:

1. OUR IDENTITY: WHO are we?

2. OUR MISSION IN LIFE: Why do we EXIST?

3. OUR ACTIONS IN LIFE: How do we DO this (act on our MISSION)?

This “half-time” or “life assessment” process is important for every man (and woman, too). It is the basis of who we are and what we will do in this life. While each one of us may have really screwed up royally in the past, we can make a new start – we are human beings – human beings have the ability to change; to transform and created new and better lives for themselves. That is the process of being the person God created you and I to be.

Don’t give it up! Become a disciplined person on fire for God. You cannot do this alone – you need to find other men who are willing to share their values, mistakes, shame, and hope for a better tomorrow; men who are willing to share their mission in life -- and be real about it. And you need to pray for strength and clarity.

When you find a group of others willing to go deep, to be accountable (and confidential), just remember one ground rule – “no bullshit!” We are good at being as unreal as are independent and unaccountable . God works best in community. Find yours. Through it all remember just that one spiritual maxim – “No Bullshit.” When we practice honesty with ourselves, we will quickly find God in our lives and in our hearts.