Peeling Hairy Onions

I continue to be moved by the men’s retreat I went on last week with the Lutheran Men in Mission. It was a place for men to come together and talk about what most men don’t or won’t talk about – their interior life – their feelings. I think we men have some “big hairy objects” inside us that get us into deep trouble -- like grief, shame, fear and anger.

I like to think of these hairy objects as being multi-layed – sort of like hairy onions. You do some work on them, peel off a layer or two and think you are home free, then, “bam!” Here it comes and hits you right between the eyes – sometimes you see it coming and other times it’s a blind side “sucker punch.”

I did some hairy onion-peeling last week. It felt good. I discussed the weekend with a friend of mine after I had gotten home. He was a new friend, a fellow pastor, and I was talking to him about my journey. As many of you know, it was almost three years ago when my granddaughter, Allison, was killed in a single-car auto accident in St. Paul. Believe me, I did a lot of grieving during and after that. Now, almost three years later, as I was telling my friend about Allison’s death, choking tears came up. Not just the teary eyes, but deep grief tears. That hairy onion had more layers than I ever imagined it had. And I knew I had some more grieving to do, and some more processing.

The same thing can happen to us with regard to other hairy onions called shame, fear, and anger. We work on them, we peel off a layer or two, we move forward only to find it trips us up again. And so we go down inside again. We NAME it. We CLAIM it as ours (no one else’s). And, by peeling off another layer, we TAME it and get it under control again so we can move forward.

After all, that’s the spiritual/emotional journey and it is a lifetime of work. What we feel, we can name. What we name, we can claim. What we claim, can now be more tamed. This spiritual/emotional work is a process. Just doing it once is usually never enough. And avoidance never works for long. Instead, we must spiritually/emotionally monitor ourselves for those feelings which can trip us up (even “sucker punch” us). Untamed, they have the ability to knock us down and even out.

As a Christian, I know that God is with me in these deep interior journeys. I don’t do this alone but always covered with prayer.

Another hairy onion of mine is Sabine’s cancer. It never got to anger, but fear was always there and still is – the fear of losing her. When I tell the story of her diagnosis nearly two years ago, I often find myself in a state of choking fear. I know I need to peel off more layers from that hairy onion!

While we are saved by grace alone, forgiven of our sins (as we forgive those of others), there still is work for all of us to do in processing our spiritual/emotional landscapes.

Last weekend reminded me of the power of “naming-claiming-taming” and asking God for the healing that must happen if we are to permanently rid ourselves of those interior “onions.” Unfortunately, what doesn’t work is what most of us choose to do -- to stuff our feelings.

I hope and pray you will be able to get those scary feelings out and exposed to the light of God in Christ. It is work you and your family will be glad you did.