Talking to Men

The One Year to Live Retreat

November 13-15, 2009

Camp Edwards

East Troy, Wisconsin

We know that the first disciples of Jesus were mostly a rag-tag group of fishermen, but they were also good sailors – men who were used to storms, high seas, and the constant danger of their boats being swamped. The church has often been described in nautical terms – a great ship with full sails, steady hands on her rudder, and keeping the true course. I like that action image.

But today the church-boat is in danger of being swamped! This is happening because it is unbalanced. It is unbalance is because the men of the church are essentially AWOL – absent without leave.

Every Sunday, there are 13 million more women in church than men; and during midweek activities the unbalance is even worse: men are only 20 to 30 percent in attendance. The fact is that today most men don’t go to church.

But the men are not AWOL because they have ceased to believe for it is reported that more than 90 percent of them believe God and over 80 percent call themselves Christian. The problem is that men don’t think that attending church has anything to do with God.

Now I want you to understand that my comments here are not intended to put down women; for women are doing an outstanding job in carrying our faith traditions forward. Now we men need to do our share. This isn’t about women’s participation, but about men’s absence.

Take my friend, Joe, for example. Joe sees church simply as a place where women hang out. So when his wife asks him to come to church with her, Joe would just as soon be caught having his hair done at an upscale beauty salon, or wearing pink underwear, than being seen in a church. Church, to Joe, is what women do. Deep down Joe thinks church is boring, irrelevant, hypocritical, and out to grab his money.

Joe knows faith in God is important. So that’s why he makes sure his children go to Sunday school and, during the summer, sends them to church camp, and makes sure they attend confirmation. Joe supports his wife’s involvement in church. As he sees it, church is simply at odds with him being a man. “Real men” don’t go to church.

But God created us in two genders – male and female. God didn’t create just one – but rather two to complement one another – two to balance things out. When just one gender is dominant in the church, we don’t have a fully effective church! The church wasn’t balanced when women couldn’t fully participate, and, again, isn’t balanced today.

So what can be done about it? How can we men step up? Is it the job our wives to nag us to church and order to get us to sit (begrudgingly) for an hour alongside them on Sunday morning or for our wives to nag us to church? Of course not!

It’s our job to talk to men like Joe about his life and whether or not he would be interested in improving it. I am not talking about conversion or evangelism here because the Joes already believe in God and Jesus. The problem with them is not their belief, but their practice.

Many of the Joes we know may be having trouble balancing work and family, they’re drinking too much, have other addictions, are struggling with pornography, or have girlfriends on the side. Their spiritual lives are in shambles -- filled with self-doubt or shame about the inauthentic or dishonest life they are living. Who is going to help them live the life they deep-down really need and want? This is the job for a Godly man.

The men of the Bible were imperfect, often broken, men who sought after God. And when they did most of them risked everything because they knew in their hearts it was the right thing to do. They spoke their minds and stepped on the toes of hypocrites. They were community leaders who fought for justice. They were God’s “tough guys” who were dangerous, but good. Unfortunately, many of these kinds of men are staying home today.

Now this is not new. Historically, the church has tended to get out of balance from time to time. And when that would happen, God would raise up a Martin Luther, John Wesley, Charles Finney, or Billy Sunday to call the church back into balance. The great revivals of the past always transformed large numbers of men.

Thankfully, we have such a revival going on today. It’s called the “One Year to Live Retreat” (OYTL). I just came back from one -- a 44-hour encounter with other Christian men. A true adventure – it wasn’t boring or irrelevant – and it certainly wasn’t hypocritical, as we put ourselves on the line for what we believe. You should try it. I will put myself on the line for you and guarantee that you will come out of that weekend a better man and your wife will know it.

I totally, fully, and completely recommend this weekend if you are serious about renewing your life. At my little church we now have a core group of five other men who went through the retreat with me. Things will change in our community because of us.

The retreat-encounter (and I do call it that) is sponsored by Lutheran Men in Mission, a group from the Evangelical Lutheran Church of America. The retreat consists of a weekend in which men take time to look into their lives, make assessments, and then do something about it. One leader calls it, “Bible Study Meets Indiana Jones!” As a former Marine, I call it “Boot Camp with the Holy Spirit as drill instructor."

We all know men in their 20s, 30s and 40s who are yearning for a spiritual life. Men who are desperate to get their lives back on track. The OYTL Retreat is a new program and offers an opportunity to do that; to be adventurous and courageous while at the same time spiritual, genuine, loving, and vulnerable. The time you spend on this retreat will help you be a better husband, father, and friend to our wives, children, and other men. Men are lonely today. Most have only their wife as their best friend. That is good, but they also need other men in their life -- brothers, authentic men, who can support, encourage and bless them along life's journey.

The next retreat (and, by the way, I’m going!) is April 16-18 at Camp Kataki in Louisville, Nebraska. Let me know if you want to go with me. You can find out more about the OYTL Retreat this program on Facebook – query “Lutheran Men in Mission.”

Dream with me for a moment. What would it be like if your church was balanced? Not just men taking up space, but strong, earthy, godly men who were truly alive in Christ? Can you even imagine what that would be like? What it would feel like? Imagine what your church could accomplish. It could sail a mighty sea with a full sail having steady hands on the rudder which will always keep it on course. Sail on!