Reflections On Another Great Men's Retreat

What in the world is God up to?  This is a question many of us ask after having experienced the "One Year To Live" weekend -- a Christian men's retreat sponsored by (would you believe it?) Lutherans!  If my denomination (Episcopals) or any other so-called "mainstream" Christian denomination sponsored this weekend I would be equally amazed.  But there is no doubt about what is going on -- IT IS OF GOD!

This past weekend I went on as a staff member to another retreat (my sixth) and heard this from a man who was in my small group,

"Before the retreat I would have said that I had been a Christian for forty years.  But after this retreat I realized I had spent those forty years sitting on the couch.  Now it's time to get up and go!"

We all need a spiritual tuneup from time to time -- otherwise we would remain "sitting on the couch" -- a spectator to the Jesus journey. There is a great similarity between our spiritual and our physical lives.  If we spend our life literally "sitting on the couch" we will some be visited by some people we quickly wish were not in our lives -- "Mr. Fat, Mr. Cholesterol, Mr. Stress, and Mr. Coronary Artery Disease!"

The same thing will happens to us if we just sit by and watch the practice of Christianity and not DO IT as Jesus would.  When we become a spiritual spectator rather than practitioner, we too, will visited by some unwelcome spiritual "visitors" who will not help us get to where we want to go in our spiritual life. 

In the absence of some kind of regular spiritual practice (like physical excercise), life will somewhat less than what it could be.  Jesus said he wanted us to have an "abundant life;" not just an ordinary, dull, and sedentary life.

What I again saw this weekend is not only God working powerfully among us and throughout our whole bodies, but I also how God sometimes breaks us open to teach us a deep spiritual lesson (and how God puts us back together again as well).  I guess I would call this the "humpty-dumpty" effect.  While all the king's horses and all the king's men couldn't put Humpty together again -- God does! 

For most of our lives, we men protect our selves at all costs (otherwise wouldn't we share our feelings more?).  And that protection of our hearts (our feelings) at all costs leads to tremendous damage to our most important relationships: wife, children, and friends. We have trouble connecting with them, telling them how much we love them -- telling our children we are proud of them and blessing them!

So, sometimes God uses us to show others our vulnerability.  I was in a hospital emergency room three years ago when Sabine was diagnosed with cancer.  It was then after weeks of ER runs and not knowing what was happening to her that I finally gave it up.  God broke me open; knocked me to my knees, as I finally admitted that I was no longer in control, that I deeply needed God -- that God was now in charge. I was no longer (nor did I want to be) the "captain of  my soul, the master of my fate."

It was a tremendously painful experience for me as I called one of my closest friends on the phone and sobbingly cried out, "I can't do it anymore.  I need help! Come down to the hospital!" And my friend and his wife came to my rescue.  God knew I needed help and I needed to be broken open before I realized it; before I willingly practiced what had been preaching -- "Let go and let God."  And from that "breaking open" also came God's repair and strengthening and the realization that I needed some strong, supportive and Godly men in my life.

Most of us realize this at one time or another in their lives.  I have come to realize that it is not my job to fix those men.  I can invite men to the weekend retreat, but it the next step is between them and their God).

Like the that wonderful hymn, "Amazing Grace," I know that "I once was blind, but now I see -- was lost but now am found."  It is a big step for a man to confess this.  For most of us it is a life-long process of seeing and finding.  And it is an open heart that leads us to do both.

Another powerful "fruit" of this weekend was to see a man stand up and ask to be baptized.  Over the three days, God opened and moved in this man's heart -- and on the last day of the retreat he was mightily baptized with his new-found brothers-in-Christ standing around him and agreeing to sponsor him.  I have come learn that few Christians today have ever seen an adult baptism!  Perhaps that is why it was so powerful!

So, again, have seen blessings, men touched by God, men moved by God to be better husbands, fathers and friends.  I have come to see that this is powerful spiritual work.  And as a priest and pastor, I will have to say that I have seen God most clearly during these weekends.

A lot of men ask me about the "agenda."  We don't publish or talk about the agenda because we want the weekend to special for each man.  Each one of us who have been through the retreat came because of one fact -- he trusted the man who asked him.  So I ask you, by trust, to come.  The reality is that you either trust me or not.  I pray that you do.

But I will give you more.  I will give you a guarantee that this men's retreat is the best, most Spirit-filled that you have ever attended or I will see that you get your money back! No questions asked! 

The next Wisconsin retreat is September 16-18 at the Mackenzie Center just north of Poynette.  You can find more information at: http://www.lutheranmeninmission.org/events/oytl.html. Mark it down on your calendar today.

God bless you -- and keep moving forward -- spiritually as well as physically!

Another Awesome Men's Retreat

Staff preparation the day before the retreat begins.

FALL OYTL


MACKENZIE CENTER, POYNETTE, WI

I just wrapped up my 4th One Year to Live (OYTL) retreat – one as a participant and three as a staff member. All I can say (again) is WOW! This past retreat I was especially blessed by having two of my sons attend along with my brother-in-law. While it is necessary to maintain confidentiality in the retreat process, the output of it can discussed and should be! And the output I see is men changed for the better – men finding authenticity and integrity in their lives in being the man God created them to be.

We men often approach life as a battle between work and family. We are torn between the two great obligations of our lives. Around age forty we come to the perceived mid-point of our lives – half-time. It is a time of reflection and making an analysis, so far, of our life-game. How has the first half been played? What is the scorecard for family? For work? If we are behind in our life-game we need to go into our half-time with a plan. If we continue the same game plan we did for the first half and we have fallen behind, unless we change our game plan for the next half we will end up losing the one game in our life that counts.

Thankfully, the OYTL not only attracts young men to the retreat but also men who are in the second half and will be willing to share their offensive and defensive plans and techniques that put them into the winner category with younger men. Modern life is not easy. Hell, it’s damn difficult! We all know that. But unless we check on how we are doing in both of those two important life categories, the chance is that the mistakes which occurred during the first half of our life will continue being made into our second half. At OYTL, men can coach one another to a more successful second half – each man’s “A” game!

If I was to identify the characteristics of an OYTL retreat it would be these:

Christ-centered.

Biblically-based.

Spiritually gifted.

Redemptive.

Lay-led.

Christ-centered. OYTL connects men to the life and teachings of Jesus of Nazareth and the strong, manly characteristics he exercised. Jesus was a strong man, not the wimpy guy we once met in Sunday school! (Marcus Borg said that in his book, Meeting Jesus Again for the First Time)! We think we know who Jesus is but each one of us needs to meet him again as an adult. Jesus was a man who knew who he was, why he existed, and what he needed to do.

Biblically-based. Everything we do during the retreat is in the Bible. The retreat is designed for both committed Christian men and those seeking a deeper faith. This is a powerful God-experience few retreats provide. If a man comes with an open heart, we can almost guarantee it!

Spiritually gifted. All those spiritual gifts Paul identifies in his first letter to the Corinthians are welcomed and encouraged.

“To one there is given through the Spirit the message of wisdom, to another the message of knowledge by means of the same Spirit, to another faith by the same Spirit, to another gifts of healing by that one Spirit, to another miraculous powers, to another prophecy, to another distinguishing between spirits, to another speaking in different kinds of tongues, and to still another the interpretation of tongues” (12:7-10)

When Jesus departed this life he said he would send us a “Helper.” This Helper is the Third Person of the Trinity -- The Holy Spirit. Jesus said this Helper/Spirit would enable us to do even greater things than he did (John 14:12). During this weekend, men encounter the Spirit, are healed, sent out, and given wisdom and strength in their lives. They become better husbands, fathers and friends – the “new creations” Paul preached (2 Corinthians 5;17, Galatians 6:15)

Redemptive. As a result of the Spirit’s mighty presence and work during this weekend and following it, men’s lives are raised up and redeemed. Change is no longer hoped for, prayed for, but felt and experienced! Men are saved from the sin that has dominated their lives up until this time. The women in these men’s lives know it.

Lay-led. The retreats are led not by clergy, theologians, or other professionals but by men who have experienced Jesus in their lives and wish to share him. Every staff member has been a participant on an OYTL weekend. Those men who are called to help others come back as staff members then serve on another retreat in a learning capacity. One their third retreat they can be assigned as a group leader. Thus, the OYTL weekends are led by men who first came as a participant. Therefore, no man asks another man to do anything he, himself, has not done and will be willing to do again.

Men, the OYTL retreats are a gift to us from God; a gift to help us stand up as godly men and be trusted, authentic, friends, husbands, fathers and brothers.

I can think of no better experience for men in today’s society than this retreat and then engaging in one of the follow-up groups.

For more information about OYTL retreats see: http://www.lutheranmeninmission.org/events/oytl.html

Local retreats at the Mackenzie Center, Poynette, WI

March 25-27, 2011 and September 15-18, 2011

Other OYTL Retreats

Colorado: July 21-24 Denver Men’s Ministry Conference and Get-Together for all OYTL graduates. (There will be a OYTL retreat in the Denver area either before or after the conference).

South Carolina: Leesville, Camp Kinard, November 5-7, 2010

Filled with Awe: Coming out of the Omaha Men's Retreat

This is my second "One Year to Live" (OYTL) Retreat which has been developed by Lyman Coleman for Lutheran Men in Mission


. My first retreat was last November and you can read all about it at an earlier blog (November 16, 2009, "Talking to Men").

I am really passionate about this retreat for men. If you have talked with me recently you know. I went to Omaha with my good friend, Pastor Rob Nelson. We are so on fire for this spiritual experience for men that we committed to go to Omaha to learn how to be a team leader. It was our second experience with the rerreat and I think we both went up a notch or two spiritually! The word I have is "awe." And it comes from the New Testament. Those who followed Jesus were constantly filled with awe. In Luke's Gospel we read:

"Jesus said to the paralyzed man, 'I tell you, get up, take your mat and go home.' Immediately he stood up in front of them, took what he had been lying on and went home praising God. Everyone was amazed and gave praise to God. They were filled with awe and said, 'We have seen remarkable things today.'" (5:24-26).

Many of us men are paralyzed. We are paralyzed by a false sense of masculinity, the need to control and dominate, and the fear of being emotional and people finding out who we are behind our masks. What I again experienced at the retreat was not only release from the various paralysis and fear in my life (like my fear of Sabine dying) but also the same thing going on with the men assigned to my small group. Jesus was a man. He was not a pansie! Let's not forget that.

I can't give you the details of the retreat because it would detract from the total experience. But I can tell you that I would be prepared to personally refund your tuition if you didn't think it was a one of the best experiences you have ever had in your life. You can hold me to it!

Now... what do you need to know? You need to know that if you decide to attend you need to commit to being at the retreat from 5:30 Friday afternoon to 3 p.m. on Sunday. The rest is based on your trust of me and whether or not you think I would steer you or any other man wrong.

You can see a video of some men who were at a recent OYTL Retreat in Colorado at: http://www.youtube.com/user/EwersArchitecture?feature=mhw4#p/a/f/0/wbKfEa3JF3c and an application blank for the May 21-23 Retreat at the McKenzie Center near Poynette, WI can be downloaded at this site: http://lutheranmeninmission.org/events/oytl.html.

Now let me talk straight to you men: Unless you take time to slow down, go on a retreat and reflect on your life you will never find the peace and happiness you desire. You can work extra hours, make lots of money and have lots of toys to play with, but you will never find happiness in things and stuff. You may even think the woman in your life is happy until one day she walks out on you and the fight for your kids begins!

You may be half-way through life's game. If you are, you need to take a break -- like a halftime in a football game and see what plays are working for you and which ones aren't. Half-time is a time to change your game in order to get what you really want out of life. And I can tell you this from my own experience as a hard working cop and then pastor -- I have never met a man who on his deathbed wished he spent more time at the office or at work. What do you think that man really wanted out of life? When you think about having one year to live the really important stuff floats to the top of your bucket list.

If you bring your "A Game" to this retreat, I can guarantee you will get an "A Game" out of the remaining years of your life -- that is, if you have a year. I pray you do, because your wife and your children will see the difference and you will know the peace and happiness you have struggled to get but seem to be thwarted from achieving.

Talking to Men

The One Year to Live Retreat

November 13-15, 2009

Camp Edwards

East Troy, Wisconsin

We know that the first disciples of Jesus were mostly a rag-tag group of fishermen, but they were also good sailors – men who were used to storms, high seas, and the constant danger of their boats being swamped. The church has often been described in nautical terms – a great ship with full sails, steady hands on her rudder, and keeping the true course. I like that action image.

But today the church-boat is in danger of being swamped! This is happening because it is unbalanced. It is unbalance is because the men of the church are essentially AWOL – absent without leave.

Every Sunday, there are 13 million more women in church than men; and during midweek activities the unbalance is even worse: men are only 20 to 30 percent in attendance. The fact is that today most men don’t go to church.

But the men are not AWOL because they have ceased to believe for it is reported that more than 90 percent of them believe God and over 80 percent call themselves Christian. The problem is that men don’t think that attending church has anything to do with God.

Now I want you to understand that my comments here are not intended to put down women; for women are doing an outstanding job in carrying our faith traditions forward. Now we men need to do our share. This isn’t about women’s participation, but about men’s absence.

Take my friend, Joe, for example. Joe sees church simply as a place where women hang out. So when his wife asks him to come to church with her, Joe would just as soon be caught having his hair done at an upscale beauty salon, or wearing pink underwear, than being seen in a church. Church, to Joe, is what women do. Deep down Joe thinks church is boring, irrelevant, hypocritical, and out to grab his money.

Joe knows faith in God is important. So that’s why he makes sure his children go to Sunday school and, during the summer, sends them to church camp, and makes sure they attend confirmation. Joe supports his wife’s involvement in church. As he sees it, church is simply at odds with him being a man. “Real men” don’t go to church.

But God created us in two genders – male and female. God didn’t create just one – but rather two to complement one another – two to balance things out. When just one gender is dominant in the church, we don’t have a fully effective church! The church wasn’t balanced when women couldn’t fully participate, and, again, isn’t balanced today.

So what can be done about it? How can we men step up? Is it the job our wives to nag us to church and order to get us to sit (begrudgingly) for an hour alongside them on Sunday morning or for our wives to nag us to church? Of course not!

It’s our job to talk to men like Joe about his life and whether or not he would be interested in improving it. I am not talking about conversion or evangelism here because the Joes already believe in God and Jesus. The problem with them is not their belief, but their practice.

Many of the Joes we know may be having trouble balancing work and family, they’re drinking too much, have other addictions, are struggling with pornography, or have girlfriends on the side. Their spiritual lives are in shambles -- filled with self-doubt or shame about the inauthentic or dishonest life they are living. Who is going to help them live the life they deep-down really need and want? This is the job for a Godly man.

The men of the Bible were imperfect, often broken, men who sought after God. And when they did most of them risked everything because they knew in their hearts it was the right thing to do. They spoke their minds and stepped on the toes of hypocrites. They were community leaders who fought for justice. They were God’s “tough guys” who were dangerous, but good. Unfortunately, many of these kinds of men are staying home today.

Now this is not new. Historically, the church has tended to get out of balance from time to time. And when that would happen, God would raise up a Martin Luther, John Wesley, Charles Finney, or Billy Sunday to call the church back into balance. The great revivals of the past always transformed large numbers of men.

Thankfully, we have such a revival going on today. It’s called the “One Year to Live Retreat” (OYTL). I just came back from one -- a 44-hour encounter with other Christian men. A true adventure – it wasn’t boring or irrelevant – and it certainly wasn’t hypocritical, as we put ourselves on the line for what we believe. You should try it. I will put myself on the line for you and guarantee that you will come out of that weekend a better man and your wife will know it.

I totally, fully, and completely recommend this weekend if you are serious about renewing your life. At my little church we now have a core group of five other men who went through the retreat with me. Things will change in our community because of us.

The retreat-encounter (and I do call it that) is sponsored by Lutheran Men in Mission, a group from the Evangelical Lutheran Church of America. The retreat consists of a weekend in which men take time to look into their lives, make assessments, and then do something about it. One leader calls it, “Bible Study Meets Indiana Jones!” As a former Marine, I call it “Boot Camp with the Holy Spirit as drill instructor."

We all know men in their 20s, 30s and 40s who are yearning for a spiritual life. Men who are desperate to get their lives back on track. The OYTL Retreat is a new program and offers an opportunity to do that; to be adventurous and courageous while at the same time spiritual, genuine, loving, and vulnerable. The time you spend on this retreat will help you be a better husband, father, and friend to our wives, children, and other men. Men are lonely today. Most have only their wife as their best friend. That is good, but they also need other men in their life -- brothers, authentic men, who can support, encourage and bless them along life's journey.

The next retreat (and, by the way, I’m going!) is April 16-18 at Camp Kataki in Louisville, Nebraska. Let me know if you want to go with me. You can find out more about the OYTL Retreat this program on Facebook – query “Lutheran Men in Mission.”

Dream with me for a moment. What would it be like if your church was balanced? Not just men taking up space, but strong, earthy, godly men who were truly alive in Christ? Can you even imagine what that would be like? What it would feel like? Imagine what your church could accomplish. It could sail a mighty sea with a full sail having steady hands on the rudder which will always keep it on course. Sail on!