Reflections On Another Great Men's Retreat

What in the world is God up to?  This is a question many of us ask after having experienced the "One Year To Live" weekend -- a Christian men's retreat sponsored by (would you believe it?) Lutherans!  If my denomination (Episcopals) or any other so-called "mainstream" Christian denomination sponsored this weekend I would be equally amazed.  But there is no doubt about what is going on -- IT IS OF GOD!

This past weekend I went on as a staff member to another retreat (my sixth) and heard this from a man who was in my small group,

"Before the retreat I would have said that I had been a Christian for forty years.  But after this retreat I realized I had spent those forty years sitting on the couch.  Now it's time to get up and go!"

We all need a spiritual tuneup from time to time -- otherwise we would remain "sitting on the couch" -- a spectator to the Jesus journey. There is a great similarity between our spiritual and our physical lives.  If we spend our life literally "sitting on the couch" we will some be visited by some people we quickly wish were not in our lives -- "Mr. Fat, Mr. Cholesterol, Mr. Stress, and Mr. Coronary Artery Disease!"

The same thing will happens to us if we just sit by and watch the practice of Christianity and not DO IT as Jesus would.  When we become a spiritual spectator rather than practitioner, we too, will visited by some unwelcome spiritual "visitors" who will not help us get to where we want to go in our spiritual life. 

In the absence of some kind of regular spiritual practice (like physical excercise), life will somewhat less than what it could be.  Jesus said he wanted us to have an "abundant life;" not just an ordinary, dull, and sedentary life.

What I again saw this weekend is not only God working powerfully among us and throughout our whole bodies, but I also how God sometimes breaks us open to teach us a deep spiritual lesson (and how God puts us back together again as well).  I guess I would call this the "humpty-dumpty" effect.  While all the king's horses and all the king's men couldn't put Humpty together again -- God does! 

For most of our lives, we men protect our selves at all costs (otherwise wouldn't we share our feelings more?).  And that protection of our hearts (our feelings) at all costs leads to tremendous damage to our most important relationships: wife, children, and friends. We have trouble connecting with them, telling them how much we love them -- telling our children we are proud of them and blessing them!

So, sometimes God uses us to show others our vulnerability.  I was in a hospital emergency room three years ago when Sabine was diagnosed with cancer.  It was then after weeks of ER runs and not knowing what was happening to her that I finally gave it up.  God broke me open; knocked me to my knees, as I finally admitted that I was no longer in control, that I deeply needed God -- that God was now in charge. I was no longer (nor did I want to be) the "captain of  my soul, the master of my fate."

It was a tremendously painful experience for me as I called one of my closest friends on the phone and sobbingly cried out, "I can't do it anymore.  I need help! Come down to the hospital!" And my friend and his wife came to my rescue.  God knew I needed help and I needed to be broken open before I realized it; before I willingly practiced what had been preaching -- "Let go and let God."  And from that "breaking open" also came God's repair and strengthening and the realization that I needed some strong, supportive and Godly men in my life.

Most of us realize this at one time or another in their lives.  I have come to realize that it is not my job to fix those men.  I can invite men to the weekend retreat, but it the next step is between them and their God).

Like the that wonderful hymn, "Amazing Grace," I know that "I once was blind, but now I see -- was lost but now am found."  It is a big step for a man to confess this.  For most of us it is a life-long process of seeing and finding.  And it is an open heart that leads us to do both.

Another powerful "fruit" of this weekend was to see a man stand up and ask to be baptized.  Over the three days, God opened and moved in this man's heart -- and on the last day of the retreat he was mightily baptized with his new-found brothers-in-Christ standing around him and agreeing to sponsor him.  I have come learn that few Christians today have ever seen an adult baptism!  Perhaps that is why it was so powerful!

So, again, have seen blessings, men touched by God, men moved by God to be better husbands, fathers and friends.  I have come to see that this is powerful spiritual work.  And as a priest and pastor, I will have to say that I have seen God most clearly during these weekends.

A lot of men ask me about the "agenda."  We don't publish or talk about the agenda because we want the weekend to special for each man.  Each one of us who have been through the retreat came because of one fact -- he trusted the man who asked him.  So I ask you, by trust, to come.  The reality is that you either trust me or not.  I pray that you do.

But I will give you more.  I will give you a guarantee that this men's retreat is the best, most Spirit-filled that you have ever attended or I will see that you get your money back! No questions asked! 

The next Wisconsin retreat is September 16-18 at the Mackenzie Center just north of Poynette.  You can find more information at: http://www.lutheranmeninmission.org/events/oytl.html. Mark it down on your calendar today.

God bless you -- and keep moving forward -- spiritually as well as physically!

Surviving an Emotional "Double-Tap"

I just finished my 5th men’s retreat in Chetek, WI (just north of Eau Claire). It was cold outside, but great on the inside -- with “burning hearts” we made another incredible journey deep into our lives and deep into the life of God.


Those of you who have being reading this blog know how committed I am to this all-volunteer men’s retreat called, “One Year to Live.” The first time I attended this retreat it helped change my life and, I think it’s fair to say, made me a better husband and father.

But now, looking back, it did even more for me. This retreat-experience and the men whom I befriended and befriended me (yes, I can say whom I love and who love me!) help save my life. Why do I say this?

Last summer after thinking that we had control of my wife’s cancer, it came raging back. Within a few weeks of that, one of my sons committed suicide in California. I was a cop for over thirty years. One thing we learned in combat shooting was something called the “double tap.” This came about after some research surrounding the “effectiveness” of shootings. Frequently, an assailant would not be put down with one shot from a handgun – research showed you needed two, and you needed to fire them sequentially within a few seconds of time. This became the “double tap” in combat shooting.

This summer, I got hit by an emotional “double tap” and I went down. My dear wife was a major player in my recovery even though she is fighting an incurable cancer along with my surviving children. But she couldn’t do it alone. She was fighting this cancer. So when I got back home for the memorial service, and after my children had returned home, I needed something else, I needed my brothers in Christ. And they stepped up to the plate. They visited me, they prayed for me and after a few months I was able to fully function again. I was slowly getting on my feet – I was moving from casualty to survivor.

As a cop, I was lucky (blessed) none of the bullets that were fired at me hit me. For that I am deeply thankful. But then there were the emotional hits I took: the multiple fatality traffic accidents and being a member of the police underwater recovery unit and recovering those bodies in the lakes of Minneapolis. For the adults I recovered, I could always “re-frame” the situation as the person had a chance to live into adulthood. But for the children. The children were something else. Having a number of young children in my own home made this an entirely different situation for me. I remember one child I recovered one bright afternoon in Cedar Lake who had fallen out of a boat. And there he was, hands-together as if in prayer, sitting on the bottom of the lake. It took a year of Clinical Pastoral Education at age 56 to work through the grief I had suppressed over the years I was a police officer. And it was love that did it, not more information in my head.

So this morning, after an intense weekend, all this has come back to me again – it’s the love – the love I see absent in so many men today. Generally, men are alone and lonely. Sure, those of us who are blessed by marriage have our wives (and God bless them or we wouldn’t have made it this far).

But as much as I love and need and respect and cherish my wife, I know today that I also need men in my life. And today, more than ever, I cherish these “no-bullshit,” highly-accountable relationships that I have been able to develop. And this has happened primarily through these retreats.

Tired as I am this morning, I look back again to this weekend and the absolute out-pouring of God’s Spirit I saw this weekend -- just as it has in each and every weekend I have attended! As I awoke this morning, I sensed God was giving me a word of scripture. Words that I need to hear and to try and understand. Words of passionate love that God is so desperately trying to say to those people, those new Christ-followers in that small church at Ephesus:

I pray that you, being rooted and established in love, may have power… to grasp how wide and long and high and deep is the love of Christ. (Chapter 3, v. 17-18).
I am over seventy years in age and it has taken this long to really understand (grasp) that power and how wide and long and high and deep it is. It is a protective power that in the worst of life’s tragedies (those “double-taps” in life) we can survive -- and not only survive, but to live, and grow, and thrive.

Thanks be to God!

+ + + + + + + + + + + +

If you are interested, the next local One Year to Live retreats are:

The Mackenzie Center (near Poynette)

     March 25-27, 2011
     September 16-18, 2011
         (the cost is usually under $200)

For more info and One Year Live Retreats see:
http://www.lutheranmeninmission.org/events/oytl.html

An Open Letter to Christian Men

The Forge

FORGE: to shape, make something; to invent; to come up with an idea; to move steadily ahead. A forge is a workplace where metal is worked by heating and hammering. Many of us are also familiar with the proverb, “Iron sharpens iron, just like one man sharpens another” (Prov 27:17).

How is it we men are to sharpen one another except by entering into a forge – there to be fired, shaped and molded into that which we desire?  To be the men of iron God created us to be and to be a sharp “sword of the Spirit, which is the word of God” (Eph 6:16)?

Brothers, tell me how this is possible unless we specifically submit ourselves to God and train for this? We all know the difficulty of solitary training and the fact that we train best in a group or team; a community of men seeking to be “sharp” for God, strong, men of integrity and men after God’s own heart! The Bible often describes the Jesus-life as running and finishing a great race (1 Cor 9:24, Gal 2:2, 2 Tim 4:7, and Heb 12:1). Many of us know that we cannot compete unless we train according to plan. And the greater the race, the more intensity and length of our training.

Some of us have been on the “One Year to Live” men’s retreat, others of us have had experience in “Promise Keepers” or in a strong men’s bible study group. We know we are best when we come together in community. By these experiences, many of us know now what is possible – we know our potential and we also know we are not there yet! And we won’t get there, we won’t grow unless we submit ourselves to be further formed, conformed, and eventually transformed into a greater likeness of Christ. And we also know how easy it is to quit!

Many of us are no longer satisfied in our Christ-walk to be simply admirers or believers in Jesus – we want to be his disciple. And we know deep in our “heart of hearts” that we cannot do it alone – we need God’s grace and blessing and we need to honesty of being in deep relationship with and accountable to other men.

We cannot do this with our wives or dearest friends. We cannot even do it in church on Sunday. It takes special training where “iron” sharpens “iron.” If we are truly serious about being a Jesus-disciple and standing up for God we will have to DO something about it and stick to it. To do this, we are going to have to go to a forge.

A forge is where iron is made and formed – it’s noisy, hot and sweaty; but things get done there. It is where a sharpened edge is put on an iron sword. The forge is where men help other men imitate Jesus and closely follow him. It is a place where strong discipleship is formed, sharpened, and practiced.

I think men should have a place called The Forge.  They should meet there weekly. But I understand that each one of us have work and family commitments. So I am suggesting that we begin with a monthly get-together at The Forge; a place where we can have a fellowship meal together, share our struggles, support and give healing to one another; a place where transformation is not only encouraged, but expected.

I am looking for a “few Godly men” who will sign on to get together once a month for “forging and sharpening;” a place and time where we can improve our lives as fathers, husbands, workers, neighbors, and friends. When we improve one sector of our lives, the others have a better chance of improving as well.  Remember, the things we do today to become more Christ-like can make an eternal difference in us, our families and our relationships!

Men, are you in?  Will you consider being part of The Forge?

Another "One Year to Live" Retreat

How could it possibly be that each OYTL Men’s Retreat ("One Year To Live") I have attended gets better and better?

One reason might be that it fell on the Feast of Pentecost this past weekend and God’s Holy Spirit fell mightily on all of us!

Or that we had men throughout the country who have attended OYTL retreats serving as “prayer warriors” – praying a number of times each day the retreat was in session.

Or maybe it was because we had broke the "denominational barrier" with a significant number of men attending who were not Lutherans!

But whatever it was, IT WAS!  And what WAS was powerful!

No man who opened his heart to this weekend could walk away from it doubting his faith or the power of God to transform a man’s life!

Throughout the weekend, the gifts of the Spirit were truly, visibly, and audibly present: “The utterance of wisdom… and (words of) knowledge… faith… gifts of healing…working of miracles…prophecy… discernment… various kinds of tongues…” and, undeniably, the greatest of all gifts of the Spirit – LOVE – lovingkindness pouring out upon us and the overwhelming sense and full understanding of God’s love for each and every one of us! (1Cor 12).

While I cannot disclose the specific nature of this retreat because it would take away from the experience, I can talk about what happened (again) to me. By going on retreat I get away from the frantic nature and “busyness” of my daily life and have a chance to slow down… reflect on my life… how's it working for me?  and what I need to do to make mid-course corrections.  Then by opening my heart, getting away from "competition and comparing" and letting God speak to me in his various ways my life is changed for the better (maybe slowly, but increasingly better).

Through these retreats, I have come to understand God's mission for me in this life and that I am a “work in progress” -- not a perfect work, but a seeking-to-improve work.  I have also been shown that I need to be more active in helping other men improve their lives and that is why the OYTL retreats have been so moving for me.
Here is my present Mission developed (again) at the retreat this past weekend:

I AM David, my name in Hebrew means “Beloved of God.”
I am a man, loving husband of Sabine, father, grandfather, brother and friend.


I EXIST to SERVE God with integrity as a DISCIPLE of Jesus Christ.


I DO THIS BY:


       Being a SERVANT LEADER.


       Working for JUSTICE, PEACE and LOVE in my sphere of influence.


       Seeking the face of Jesus in every person I know and meet.


       Not tolerating "bullshit" or passivity.

The next men’s “One Year to Live” retreat will be held again at the MacKenzie Center near Poynette, Wisconsin. The dates are September 17-19, 2010. God-willing, I will be there as a member of the staff team.

If you know me – and trust me – you will hear what I am saying and sign up for this retreat.  It will give you the opportunity to change your life for the better – this I guarantee!

Hope to see you in September!

Talking to Men

The One Year to Live Retreat

November 13-15, 2009

Camp Edwards

East Troy, Wisconsin

We know that the first disciples of Jesus were mostly a rag-tag group of fishermen, but they were also good sailors – men who were used to storms, high seas, and the constant danger of their boats being swamped. The church has often been described in nautical terms – a great ship with full sails, steady hands on her rudder, and keeping the true course. I like that action image.

But today the church-boat is in danger of being swamped! This is happening because it is unbalanced. It is unbalance is because the men of the church are essentially AWOL – absent without leave.

Every Sunday, there are 13 million more women in church than men; and during midweek activities the unbalance is even worse: men are only 20 to 30 percent in attendance. The fact is that today most men don’t go to church.

But the men are not AWOL because they have ceased to believe for it is reported that more than 90 percent of them believe God and over 80 percent call themselves Christian. The problem is that men don’t think that attending church has anything to do with God.

Now I want you to understand that my comments here are not intended to put down women; for women are doing an outstanding job in carrying our faith traditions forward. Now we men need to do our share. This isn’t about women’s participation, but about men’s absence.

Take my friend, Joe, for example. Joe sees church simply as a place where women hang out. So when his wife asks him to come to church with her, Joe would just as soon be caught having his hair done at an upscale beauty salon, or wearing pink underwear, than being seen in a church. Church, to Joe, is what women do. Deep down Joe thinks church is boring, irrelevant, hypocritical, and out to grab his money.

Joe knows faith in God is important. So that’s why he makes sure his children go to Sunday school and, during the summer, sends them to church camp, and makes sure they attend confirmation. Joe supports his wife’s involvement in church. As he sees it, church is simply at odds with him being a man. “Real men” don’t go to church.

But God created us in two genders – male and female. God didn’t create just one – but rather two to complement one another – two to balance things out. When just one gender is dominant in the church, we don’t have a fully effective church! The church wasn’t balanced when women couldn’t fully participate, and, again, isn’t balanced today.

So what can be done about it? How can we men step up? Is it the job our wives to nag us to church and order to get us to sit (begrudgingly) for an hour alongside them on Sunday morning or for our wives to nag us to church? Of course not!

It’s our job to talk to men like Joe about his life and whether or not he would be interested in improving it. I am not talking about conversion or evangelism here because the Joes already believe in God and Jesus. The problem with them is not their belief, but their practice.

Many of the Joes we know may be having trouble balancing work and family, they’re drinking too much, have other addictions, are struggling with pornography, or have girlfriends on the side. Their spiritual lives are in shambles -- filled with self-doubt or shame about the inauthentic or dishonest life they are living. Who is going to help them live the life they deep-down really need and want? This is the job for a Godly man.

The men of the Bible were imperfect, often broken, men who sought after God. And when they did most of them risked everything because they knew in their hearts it was the right thing to do. They spoke their minds and stepped on the toes of hypocrites. They were community leaders who fought for justice. They were God’s “tough guys” who were dangerous, but good. Unfortunately, many of these kinds of men are staying home today.

Now this is not new. Historically, the church has tended to get out of balance from time to time. And when that would happen, God would raise up a Martin Luther, John Wesley, Charles Finney, or Billy Sunday to call the church back into balance. The great revivals of the past always transformed large numbers of men.

Thankfully, we have such a revival going on today. It’s called the “One Year to Live Retreat” (OYTL). I just came back from one -- a 44-hour encounter with other Christian men. A true adventure – it wasn’t boring or irrelevant – and it certainly wasn’t hypocritical, as we put ourselves on the line for what we believe. You should try it. I will put myself on the line for you and guarantee that you will come out of that weekend a better man and your wife will know it.

I totally, fully, and completely recommend this weekend if you are serious about renewing your life. At my little church we now have a core group of five other men who went through the retreat with me. Things will change in our community because of us.

The retreat-encounter (and I do call it that) is sponsored by Lutheran Men in Mission, a group from the Evangelical Lutheran Church of America. The retreat consists of a weekend in which men take time to look into their lives, make assessments, and then do something about it. One leader calls it, “Bible Study Meets Indiana Jones!” As a former Marine, I call it “Boot Camp with the Holy Spirit as drill instructor."

We all know men in their 20s, 30s and 40s who are yearning for a spiritual life. Men who are desperate to get their lives back on track. The OYTL Retreat is a new program and offers an opportunity to do that; to be adventurous and courageous while at the same time spiritual, genuine, loving, and vulnerable. The time you spend on this retreat will help you be a better husband, father, and friend to our wives, children, and other men. Men are lonely today. Most have only their wife as their best friend. That is good, but they also need other men in their life -- brothers, authentic men, who can support, encourage and bless them along life's journey.

The next retreat (and, by the way, I’m going!) is April 16-18 at Camp Kataki in Louisville, Nebraska. Let me know if you want to go with me. You can find out more about the OYTL Retreat this program on Facebook – query “Lutheran Men in Mission.”

Dream with me for a moment. What would it be like if your church was balanced? Not just men taking up space, but strong, earthy, godly men who were truly alive in Christ? Can you even imagine what that would be like? What it would feel like? Imagine what your church could accomplish. It could sail a mighty sea with a full sail having steady hands on the rudder which will always keep it on course. Sail on!