[The following is a talk I gave to the 15 graduates of the 3-month Restorative Justice Program at Columbia Correctional Institution in Portage on Monday, November 30, 2009. The program director is a good friend of mine, the Rev. Jerry Hancock, a former asst. attorney general for Wisconsin.]
Restorative Justice Graduation
Columbia Correctional Institution
Portage, WI
Two weeks ago I spent a weekend with 60 other men. It was a retreat called “One Year to Live.”
If you had no end to your life, -- you were going to live forever, what would you want to do if money was no object? How about 10 years? Five years left? What would be on your list?
How about if you only had ONE year to live – what would you want to accomplish if money was no barrier? How about if you only had a month to live? What would you choose to do with the 30 days you have left?
During the course of this weekend, we discussed our families of origin, what went on in those families when we were growing up. We talked about our dreams -- as well as the things we were ashamed of.
But most of all, we developed a mission statement for the rest of our lives.
As you might imagine, during the course of those intimate discussions, in small groups of six men (in which we all pledged confidentiality), we not only had deep knowledge of one another (much deeper than many of us had ever experienced with another man) but we also developed a deep bond with each another during those 44 intense hours. I am sure we will all remain in contact with one another and will do so for many years to come.
We were strangers when we got into our small groups -- but brothers when we left 44 hours later.
Now I got to thinking about the times in my life when I bonded deeply with other men – growing up in high school sports was probably the first, then graduating from Marine Corps Boot Camp and those with whom I served. And another: the partners I had worked and shared danger with during my years as a police officer.
All these events in my life had not only a shared experience with other men, but also a challenge, a threat – fear and danger. Any of these times in my life could have resulted in me, or someone near to me, shedding blood.
But all these were socially-accepted ways for me to challenge myself, overcome my fears, achieve, serve and protect others and have a sense of purpose in my life. They contributed to the man you see standing before you today.
Things could have been a lot different for me… The time when the Marine helicopter in which I was riding lost power and crashed, high speed chases, gunshots that missed me.
Or when, at age 20, I waited outside the apartment of a man, knife in my belt, after I came home from overseas. A man whom I knew was sleeping with my first wife. Thankfully, he never showed up that night
How my life would have been different if I had shot that teenager who swung a club at my head in that dark alley so many years ago after a foot chase…
How everything could have turned out differently. But even then -- had I been crippled by that helicopter accident, gone to prison for killing that man, or shot that teenager, could I not have decided to get through that? To choose to emotionally live instead of dying? To find light in my darkness?
William Shakespeare knew the power of men who bond together for a good cause when he wrote the play, “Henry V.”
One part of the play is about the great English victory at Agincourt in France -- a battle which pitted King Henry’s army of 6,000 men against a French army of 36,000. Henry was outnumbered six to one.
Henry and his army went France in order to re-claim English land taken during the 100 Years War. He was met by the French army on October 25, 1415 on a field near Agincourt.
The two armies lined up across a freshly plowed field. During the week there had been heavy rainfall. Henry’s men had the effective longbow which could pierce armor and his archers were protected from knights on horseback by sharp poles angled into the ground. Most of the English soldiers expected to die that day – out numbered six to one and facing heavily armored French knights on horseback. But not Henry, he had a vision that he shared with his men that they would remember this day in the years to come.
Shakespeare’s Henry speaks to his men just before the start of the battle. The scene begins with his cousin, the Duke of Westmoreland, lamenting the situation, wishing they had more men. The day of the battle fell on the day which commemorates St. Crispian.
Westmoreland begins: “O that we now had here but one ten thousand of those men in England that do no work to-day!”
Then the King appears…
“What's he that wishes so?
My cousin Westmoreland? No, my fair cousin;
If we are mark'd to die, we are enow
To do our country loss; and if to live,
The fewer men, the greater share of honour…
He goes on…
“This day is call'd the feast of Crispian.
He that outlives this day, and comes safe home,
Will stand a tip-toe when this day is nam'd,
And rouse him at the name of Crispian.
“He that shall live this day, and see old age,
Will yearly on the vigil feast his neighbours,
And say 'To-morrow is Saint Crispian.'
Then will he strip his sleeve and show his scars,
And say 'These wounds I had on Crispian's day.'
“Old men forget; yet all shall be forgot,
But he'll remember, with advantages,
What feats he did that day.
“Then shall our names,
Familiar in his mouth as household words-
Harry the King, Bedford and Exeter,
Warwick and Talbot, Salisbury and Gloucester-
Be in their flowing cups freshly rememb'red.
“This story shall the good man teach his son;
And Crispin Crispian shall ne'er go by,
From this day to the ending of the world,
But we in it shall be remembered-
“We few, we happy few, we band of brothers;
For he to-day that sheds his blood with me
Shall be my brother…”
As heavily armored French knights approached the English lines, they were met with loud battle cry from the English and a hail of their arrows. Unexpectedly, their horses became mired in the muddy field. And the English, on foot, with the king leading them, attacked.
Ten thousand French soldiers, including many of their nation’s nobility, fell that day. The English suffered the loss of only a few hundred.
Maybe King Henry did say something to them about brotherhood, maybe it was the fact that his men could see him in the center of their battle line, leading the charge on foot. Whatever the reason, the English prevailed. They won the day!
The English had a difficult mission and they knew it: they pledged to follow their king and, if they were to going to die, they would die with HONOR.
I remember my days in the Marines, my nights as a police officer – that weekend earlier this month… Honor, duty, service.
“We few, we happy few, we band of brothers; for he today that sheds his blood with me shall be my brother…”
The willingness to shed blood for one another is an indication of BONDING, of being a brother with another man through thick and thin -- but for a noble cause.
Now back to that weekend retreat I attended earlier this month. Three QUESTIONS went into building that mission statement I spoke of earlier.
The answers to those questions are the things we would commit ourselves to -- to give our word of honor – to keep the promises we made to our wives and children. The answers to these questions we carried home and shared with them.
WHO AM I?
WHY DO I EXIST?
WHAT AM I GOING TO DO WITH THE REST OF MY LIFE?
I will share with you in a moment what I said.
But now, I would like to ask you to think deeply about these three questions:
-- WHO ARE YOU?
-- WHY DO YOU EXIST?
-- WHAT ARE YOU GOING TO DO WITH THE REST OF YOUR LIFE?
Brothers, unless we know WHO we are we will forever be lost and will struggle through life. Many of us come from a sacred religious tradition in which we believe we are children of a father-God who deeply loves us… If we realize that, we will know who we are…
If we don’t know WHY we exist, we will always be a prisoner, we will be in chains for every bad idea that comes along. Without knowing why we exist will never be able to resist the temptations and addictions of this world… Instead, temptations and addictions will be our master and we their slave.
And if we don’t know WHAT we are going to do with the rest of our life; that is; a LIFE PLAN (a pledge to go forward no matter what has happened beforehand in our life) we will be adrift in life, pummeled by it’s waves, torn asunder by it’s winds, because we have no RUDDER – no DIRECTION.
Now I am going to ask you to sit here for a moment -- in silence -- and think about those three questions again:
--WHO ARE YOU?
--WHY DO YOU EXIST?
--WHAT ARE YOU NOW GOING TO DO WITH THE REST OF YOUR LIFE?
Brothers, I said I would share with you my mission statement. I urge you to continue to think about writing down the things that went into your head as I did a few weeks ago. Write it down and share it with your friends. Make a commitment, a pledge to follow it on your HONOR, and paste it on wall for all to see.
I told you that I would share with you my mission statement. Here it is:
WHO AM I?
I am David – my name means “Beloved of God.”
WHY DO I EXIST?
I exist to serve others and lead with integrity.
WHAT AM I GOING TO DO WITH THE REST OF MY LIFE?
I am going to live my life consistent with my chosen faith -- as a loving and faithful husband, caring father, grandfather, brother and friend; to always be a man of my word -- to keep my promises.
I am going to witness to my faith.
I am going to share what I have with others.
I am going to continue to read, study, and learn the rest of my life.
And now, as I come towards the end of my life, I will prepare for, and show others,
how to die and live into the New Life I was promised at my baptism.
NOW it’s up to you. I challenge you to write down YOUR mission statement, share it with your friends, develop it, fine tune it, and then…
ON YOUR HONOR AS A MAN,
DO IT! LIVE IT!
Thank you, and congratulations to each and every one of you on your graduation from this program. I am honored to share this day with you.
Restorative Justice Graduation
Columbia Correctional Institution
Portage, WI
Two weeks ago I spent a weekend with 60 other men. It was a retreat called “One Year to Live.”
If you had no end to your life, -- you were going to live forever, what would you want to do if money was no object? How about 10 years? Five years left? What would be on your list?
How about if you only had ONE year to live – what would you want to accomplish if money was no barrier? How about if you only had a month to live? What would you choose to do with the 30 days you have left?
During the course of this weekend, we discussed our families of origin, what went on in those families when we were growing up. We talked about our dreams -- as well as the things we were ashamed of.
But most of all, we developed a mission statement for the rest of our lives.
As you might imagine, during the course of those intimate discussions, in small groups of six men (in which we all pledged confidentiality), we not only had deep knowledge of one another (much deeper than many of us had ever experienced with another man) but we also developed a deep bond with each another during those 44 intense hours. I am sure we will all remain in contact with one another and will do so for many years to come.
We were strangers when we got into our small groups -- but brothers when we left 44 hours later.
Now I got to thinking about the times in my life when I bonded deeply with other men – growing up in high school sports was probably the first, then graduating from Marine Corps Boot Camp and those with whom I served. And another: the partners I had worked and shared danger with during my years as a police officer.
All these events in my life had not only a shared experience with other men, but also a challenge, a threat – fear and danger. Any of these times in my life could have resulted in me, or someone near to me, shedding blood.
But all these were socially-accepted ways for me to challenge myself, overcome my fears, achieve, serve and protect others and have a sense of purpose in my life. They contributed to the man you see standing before you today.
Things could have been a lot different for me… The time when the Marine helicopter in which I was riding lost power and crashed, high speed chases, gunshots that missed me.
Or when, at age 20, I waited outside the apartment of a man, knife in my belt, after I came home from overseas. A man whom I knew was sleeping with my first wife. Thankfully, he never showed up that night
How my life would have been different if I had shot that teenager who swung a club at my head in that dark alley so many years ago after a foot chase…
How everything could have turned out differently. But even then -- had I been crippled by that helicopter accident, gone to prison for killing that man, or shot that teenager, could I not have decided to get through that? To choose to emotionally live instead of dying? To find light in my darkness?
William Shakespeare knew the power of men who bond together for a good cause when he wrote the play, “Henry V.”
One part of the play is about the great English victory at Agincourt in France -- a battle which pitted King Henry’s army of 6,000 men against a French army of 36,000. Henry was outnumbered six to one.
Henry and his army went France in order to re-claim English land taken during the 100 Years War. He was met by the French army on October 25, 1415 on a field near Agincourt.
The two armies lined up across a freshly plowed field. During the week there had been heavy rainfall. Henry’s men had the effective longbow which could pierce armor and his archers were protected from knights on horseback by sharp poles angled into the ground. Most of the English soldiers expected to die that day – out numbered six to one and facing heavily armored French knights on horseback. But not Henry, he had a vision that he shared with his men that they would remember this day in the years to come.
Shakespeare’s Henry speaks to his men just before the start of the battle. The scene begins with his cousin, the Duke of Westmoreland, lamenting the situation, wishing they had more men. The day of the battle fell on the day which commemorates St. Crispian.
Westmoreland begins: “O that we now had here but one ten thousand of those men in England that do no work to-day!”
Then the King appears…
“What's he that wishes so?
My cousin Westmoreland? No, my fair cousin;
If we are mark'd to die, we are enow
To do our country loss; and if to live,
The fewer men, the greater share of honour…
He goes on…
“This day is call'd the feast of Crispian.
He that outlives this day, and comes safe home,
Will stand a tip-toe when this day is nam'd,
And rouse him at the name of Crispian.
“He that shall live this day, and see old age,
Will yearly on the vigil feast his neighbours,
And say 'To-morrow is Saint Crispian.'
Then will he strip his sleeve and show his scars,
And say 'These wounds I had on Crispian's day.'
“Old men forget; yet all shall be forgot,
But he'll remember, with advantages,
What feats he did that day.
“Then shall our names,
Familiar in his mouth as household words-
Harry the King, Bedford and Exeter,
Warwick and Talbot, Salisbury and Gloucester-
Be in their flowing cups freshly rememb'red.
“This story shall the good man teach his son;
And Crispin Crispian shall ne'er go by,
From this day to the ending of the world,
But we in it shall be remembered-
“We few, we happy few, we band of brothers;
For he to-day that sheds his blood with me
Shall be my brother…”
As heavily armored French knights approached the English lines, they were met with loud battle cry from the English and a hail of their arrows. Unexpectedly, their horses became mired in the muddy field. And the English, on foot, with the king leading them, attacked.
Ten thousand French soldiers, including many of their nation’s nobility, fell that day. The English suffered the loss of only a few hundred.
Maybe King Henry did say something to them about brotherhood, maybe it was the fact that his men could see him in the center of their battle line, leading the charge on foot. Whatever the reason, the English prevailed. They won the day!
The English had a difficult mission and they knew it: they pledged to follow their king and, if they were to going to die, they would die with HONOR.
I remember my days in the Marines, my nights as a police officer – that weekend earlier this month… Honor, duty, service.
“We few, we happy few, we band of brothers; for he today that sheds his blood with me shall be my brother…”
The willingness to shed blood for one another is an indication of BONDING, of being a brother with another man through thick and thin -- but for a noble cause.
Now back to that weekend retreat I attended earlier this month. Three QUESTIONS went into building that mission statement I spoke of earlier.
The answers to those questions are the things we would commit ourselves to -- to give our word of honor – to keep the promises we made to our wives and children. The answers to these questions we carried home and shared with them.
WHO AM I?
WHY DO I EXIST?
WHAT AM I GOING TO DO WITH THE REST OF MY LIFE?
I will share with you in a moment what I said.
But now, I would like to ask you to think deeply about these three questions:
-- WHO ARE YOU?
-- WHY DO YOU EXIST?
-- WHAT ARE YOU GOING TO DO WITH THE REST OF YOUR LIFE?
Brothers, unless we know WHO we are we will forever be lost and will struggle through life. Many of us come from a sacred religious tradition in which we believe we are children of a father-God who deeply loves us… If we realize that, we will know who we are…
If we don’t know WHY we exist, we will always be a prisoner, we will be in chains for every bad idea that comes along. Without knowing why we exist will never be able to resist the temptations and addictions of this world… Instead, temptations and addictions will be our master and we their slave.
And if we don’t know WHAT we are going to do with the rest of our life; that is; a LIFE PLAN (a pledge to go forward no matter what has happened beforehand in our life) we will be adrift in life, pummeled by it’s waves, torn asunder by it’s winds, because we have no RUDDER – no DIRECTION.
Now I am going to ask you to sit here for a moment -- in silence -- and think about those three questions again:
--WHO ARE YOU?
--WHY DO YOU EXIST?
--WHAT ARE YOU NOW GOING TO DO WITH THE REST OF YOUR LIFE?
Brothers, I said I would share with you my mission statement. I urge you to continue to think about writing down the things that went into your head as I did a few weeks ago. Write it down and share it with your friends. Make a commitment, a pledge to follow it on your HONOR, and paste it on wall for all to see.
I told you that I would share with you my mission statement. Here it is:
WHO AM I?
I am David – my name means “Beloved of God.”
WHY DO I EXIST?
I exist to serve others and lead with integrity.
WHAT AM I GOING TO DO WITH THE REST OF MY LIFE?
I am going to live my life consistent with my chosen faith -- as a loving and faithful husband, caring father, grandfather, brother and friend; to always be a man of my word -- to keep my promises.
I am going to witness to my faith.
I am going to share what I have with others.
I am going to continue to read, study, and learn the rest of my life.
And now, as I come towards the end of my life, I will prepare for, and show others,
how to die and live into the New Life I was promised at my baptism.
NOW it’s up to you. I challenge you to write down YOUR mission statement, share it with your friends, develop it, fine tune it, and then…
ON YOUR HONOR AS A MAN,
DO IT! LIVE IT!
Thank you, and congratulations to each and every one of you on your graduation from this program. I am honored to share this day with you.
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