Thresholds

“The familiar life horizon has been outgrown: the old concepts, 

ideals and emotional patterns no longer fit; 

the time for the passing of a threshold is at hand.”

(Joseph Campbell, The Hero With a Thousand Faces.)

What are those thresholds in life? Certainly coming of age, high school or college graduation, marriage, the birth of a child, a fulfilling job, purchasing a home, and so on… But what about later in life? 

As I was reminded during my pastoral training, we are only temporarily abled; that is, life is a process of dis-ability from getting our first pair of eye glasses to being in assisted living.

Today, I was reminded of another passage. In my mind’s eye, I see myself as just as abled as I was in my 30s and 40s. Of course, that is not true. I am not.

I was on Highway F just south of Mazomanie putting some miles on my bike this morning when I heard a familiar noise – the whirring tires of a large peloton of over 20 riders approaching me and quickly leaving me behind. It was an exhilarating feeling instantly taking me back to my racing days. And as they all passed me, a young rider gently patted me on the shoulder, “Have a good ride, sir!”

I can think of two other earlier elder passage times. In my very early 50s, I gently reminded a young cashier at a restaurant who had just given me a discount that police officers in Madison are able to pay for their own meals when she said, “No, sir, not because you are a police officer it’s because today is senior discount day.”

As I entered my 60s, I noticed that young and attractive women were opening doors for me instead of the other way around. Another passage.

When we are young, strong, and abled, we don’t think of ever aging. But the reality of life, the journey on which we find ourselves, is filled with great teaching moments if we are open to them. No, I couldn’t hang with that peloton of youngsters, but I was here. I was able to continue participating in an activity in which I began over 40 years ago. The blessing isn’t about what we cannot do anymore. No, the blessings is that which we still can do be it cycling, hiking, or just sitting on our back porch enjoying the blessedness of this day.

On Saturday, a group of friends will join me in another passage. A celebration of my 75th year. They will join me in a 75 mile ride. I used to race that distance. Now I am simply happy to be able to ride it. Life is good.

Or as John O’Driscoll noted in Anam Cara: A Book of Celtic Wisdom:

“It’s good to be here. The mystery never leaves you alone.”

It is a good life.

And, truly, the mystery never does leave us alone.

Loving an Addict

John O'Donohue (1956-2008)

Who among us doesn't have a loved one, close friend or family member that is an addict?

Being in relationship with a loved one who is an addict is not an easy path. In fact, it is a long and often disappointing journey involving disappointment, failure, guilt, shame, anger, and frequently enabling behavior on our part. Addiction free time is often short and not long lasting. We quickly learn that the recovery journey is like watching a series of shipwrecks from the shore. We become tired of being the rescue boat and simply want relief. That is why after a number of years, family and loved ones simply have to disengage from this tragic dance. Being one of  those who has had the experience of loving an addict, I can attest to all those experiences and feelings.

During Lent, my church community read John O'Donohue's book, Anam Cara (which means "soul friend). I was greatly impressed by O'Donohue's writing and this led me to one of his other books, To Bless the Space Between Us: A Book of Blessings. In this treasure trough, I found a blessing for an addict that touched my heart and spoke strongly to me.

For in dealing with an addict we often feel totally hopeless, even impotent. This leads us sometimes to throw our hands into the air and say, "All I can do now is to pray!" as if prayer and blessing were the last step rather than the first and most important step we can take when dealing with a loved one who is an addict. Let this prayer-blessing enfold the addict in your life.

FOR AN ADDICT

On its way through the innocent night,
The moth is ambushed by the light,
Becomes glued to a window 
Where a candle burns; its whole self, 

Its dreams of flight and all desire 
Trapped in one glazed gaze;

Now nothing else can satisfy
But the deadly beauty of the flame.

When you lose the feel 
For all other belonging
And what is truly near 
Becomes distant and ghostly,
And you are visited

And claimed by a simplicity
Sinister in its singularity,

No longer yourself, your mind

And will owned and steered

From elsewhere now,

You would sacrifice anything

To dance once more to the haunted

Music with your fatal beloved

Who owns the eyes to your heart.

These words of blessings cannot

Reach, even as echos,

To the shore of where you are.
Yet, may they work without you
To soften some slight line through

To the white cave where

Your soul is captive.

May some glimmer

Of outside light reach your eyes
To help you recognize how

You have fallen for a vampire.

May you crash hard and soon
Onto real ground again
Where this fundamentalist

Shell might start to crack
for you to hear

Again your own echo.

That your lost lonesome heart 
Might learn to cry out
For the true intimacy

Of love that waits

To take you home

To where you are known

And seen and where

Your life is treasured
Beyond every frontier
Of despair you have crossed.

May this blessing help you in your journey as it has in mine.