Loving an Addict

John O'Donohue (1956-2008)

Who among us doesn't have a loved one, close friend or family member that is an addict?

Being in relationship with a loved one who is an addict is not an easy path. In fact, it is a long and often disappointing journey involving disappointment, failure, guilt, shame, anger, and frequently enabling behavior on our part. Addiction free time is often short and not long lasting. We quickly learn that the recovery journey is like watching a series of shipwrecks from the shore. We become tired of being the rescue boat and simply want relief. That is why after a number of years, family and loved ones simply have to disengage from this tragic dance. Being one of  those who has had the experience of loving an addict, I can attest to all those experiences and feelings.

During Lent, my church community read John O'Donohue's book, Anam Cara (which means "soul friend). I was greatly impressed by O'Donohue's writing and this led me to one of his other books, To Bless the Space Between Us: A Book of Blessings. In this treasure trough, I found a blessing for an addict that touched my heart and spoke strongly to me.

For in dealing with an addict we often feel totally hopeless, even impotent. This leads us sometimes to throw our hands into the air and say, "All I can do now is to pray!" as if prayer and blessing were the last step rather than the first and most important step we can take when dealing with a loved one who is an addict. Let this prayer-blessing enfold the addict in your life.

FOR AN ADDICT

On its way through the innocent night,
The moth is ambushed by the light,
Becomes glued to a window 
Where a candle burns; its whole self, 

Its dreams of flight and all desire 
Trapped in one glazed gaze;

Now nothing else can satisfy
But the deadly beauty of the flame.

When you lose the feel 
For all other belonging
And what is truly near 
Becomes distant and ghostly,
And you are visited

And claimed by a simplicity
Sinister in its singularity,

No longer yourself, your mind

And will owned and steered

From elsewhere now,

You would sacrifice anything

To dance once more to the haunted

Music with your fatal beloved

Who owns the eyes to your heart.

These words of blessings cannot

Reach, even as echos,

To the shore of where you are.
Yet, may they work without you
To soften some slight line through

To the white cave where

Your soul is captive.

May some glimmer

Of outside light reach your eyes
To help you recognize how

You have fallen for a vampire.

May you crash hard and soon
Onto real ground again
Where this fundamentalist

Shell might start to crack
for you to hear

Again your own echo.

That your lost lonesome heart 
Might learn to cry out
For the true intimacy

Of love that waits

To take you home

To where you are known

And seen and where

Your life is treasured
Beyond every frontier
Of despair you have crossed.

May this blessing help you in your journey as it has in mine.