Breaking a Taboo

            A TABOO is a practice or topic of conversation that is prohibited or restricted by custom. And the particular taboo I am talking about today is the open discussion of death and end-of-life issues with our loved ones. Avoiding this important discussion will not forestall the inevitability of our death. If there is one truth in this life it is this: each one of us one day will die and we shall know neither the day nor the hour when it will happen.

Because so many of us are reluctant to address or talk about this truth makes it a taboo. And the way to neutralize a taboo is to bring it into the light – into our conversations.

            Here’s some information we need to know. At the turn of the last century, the average life expectancy of Americans was 48 years. Half of all children died before reaching twelve years of age, and most people died at home; a home, by the way, where several generations often lived together. Back then, it was perfectly normal for people of all ages to witness the death of family members and friends.

             In 1910, 75 percent of Americans died at home.  By the end of that century, the number of deaths at home had declined to 25 percent. 

             Today, with the intervention of advanced medical technology, most people die in hospitals or other healthcare institutions – not at home. And instead of dying suddenly as in the past, most of us will suffer today from lingering, chronic illnesses that often linger on months before our death. Simply said, death is not familiar to us. We just don’t know what to do when we, or our loved ones, are faced with it. We avoid the conversation. But we need to have it.

           
         Making the film, “Consider the Conversation, was highly personal on the part of the producers. They both had recently lost loved ones and struggled to make sense of it. Their goals in making this documentary film were fairly simple, but far from easy:

·         Change the commonly held American attitude that considers death as a failed medical event rather than a  normal life-process rich in opportunity for human growth.

·         Inspire a conversation between patients, their loved ones and medical practitioners.

·         Encourage a change in behavior by encouraging medical professionals, healthcare organizations, and clergy to take the lead in encouraging this important conversation.

           The film aligns beautifully with the advance care planning (which includes entering into a conversation with our loved ones about their end-of-life wishes, documenting them and taking action to ensure they’re honored).

            The film is not particularly “religious;” it does not provide any particular answer to the questions; instead, it encourages us to think about and answer some very specific questions.

·         When it is your time to die—where would you like to be, and with whom?

·         Why do you think so many people say they want to die at home?

·         If your goal is to die at home, have you thought about what resources would be necessary to achieve that goal?

·         If you would rather die in a place other than home, where would you like to be?

·         How do you feel about depending on others at the end of your life?

·         If you had a terminally ill loved one, would you feel comfortable caring for him or her in your home?

For more information, visit their website.

And a good idea would be to order the DVD, get your friends and family together for a viewing and then begin this necessary conversation.

I pray that you will have the courage and strength to enter into this important conversation with your loved ones.