Who really is queer?

We worry a lot about sex. A friend of mine from the U.K. reminds me this is because his ancestors sent us the Puritans! He may be right.

But when it specifically comes to sex and GLBT people, we get a little crazy about what they may be doing sexually. Seldom do I hear anyone question about what heterosexual couples may be doing. But if we want to worry about something, shouldn’t be concerned with the relationship that is going on between two people?

I recently heard a pastor talk about a young man who came to him confessing that he was strongly attracted to other men. The young man didn’t know what to do because he felt that God must have made a mistake in creating him. He felt so bad about this that he had considered killing himself. The pastor said he didn’t know what to do either, because what his church had taught him and what he thought Jesus would have done, were two different things. As a person of faith, what would you tell that young man? What if that young man were your son? Is God making mistakes by creating homosexuals?

Well, I for one don’t think so. I am over seventy years of age now and I am tired of seeing and hearing people of faith struggle over issues that I really don’t think matter much anymore. It’s a lot like evolution, it’s passé to me. And so is the issue of homosexuality.

But I would tell that young man, as I have others over the years struggling with their sexuality, that they are not mistakes. We are all children of God and loved by God. If we shall be judged one day it will be not be by our sexual preference but rather by how we have related to God and one another. Period. What we should be concerned about are sexual relations without love or commitment whether they go on between people of the same or opposite sex.

I know what the Bible says and many of the passages that deal with “abominations” (acts which are abhorrent, detestable) not only concern a man lying down with another man, but also a mixture of other acts humans may particularly not like -- eating certain prohibited foods like shellfish, charging interest on loans, wearing clothing of the opposite sex or clothes which mix linen and wool, or women who grab men’s testicles, and those who miss church. All of these acts are biblically prohibited as well. And lest we forget, the bible also permits fathers to kill their “stubborn or rebellious” sons, sell their daughters into slavery, and stone to death any woman while being raped fails to cry out. How are we to read these passages today?

There are also specific instructions as to who must be excluded from community worship: those with crushed testicles (eunuchs), those who have had a recent nocturnal emission, and those who are children born of an “illicit union” (bastards) and, incidentally, all their descendents down to the 10th generation. As well as bankers, stockbrokers, or anyone who charges interest on a loan (so much for capitalism!).

Jesus seemed to disregard many of the old religious rules of his day and criticized those who religiously kept the letter of the law but did not practice love to others. So, I am not convinced that the few sentences that appear in the bible about “abominations” can over-shadow what Jesus brought to the world -- his teaching that we love one another and be merciful and compassionate -- even to “outsiders” like aliens, criminals, and sick people. Jesus told us to love those whom society marginalizes.

I choose to look at the quality of person’s relationship – whether it is loving, committed, exclusive, non-abusive and with a life-long intention. And if those criteria apply to persons in relationship who are of the same sex, so what!

What people of faith should be doing is helping people strengthen their close, intimate relationships along those criteria. If we determine all same gender, intimate relationships are sinful, only because the couple is of the same sex, we are committing a grave error today.

Instead, as people of faith, let us model God’s relational love to the world by being very intentional about our own relationship – that it is loving, committed, exclusive, peaceful, and life-long.

I hope that young man eventually found a clergyperson who was able to share God’s love with him, help him clarify his sexuality, and tell him that the church will help him strengthen his ability to love be it with persons of the same or opposite sex.

If I follow my conscience, I have to believe that this difficult matter before the Church is best viewed in the context of the quality of one's relationship! To do otherwise, appears, well, rather queer.