As many of you know, Sabine and I have taught “The Marriage Course” for the past nine years (see http://relationshipcentral.org). It is an eight-week evening course for couples to help build strong primary relationships that will last a lifetime and we strongly recommend it. During the course, we use a workbook that covers these important relationship areas:
-- Recognizing each other's needs,
-- Learning to communicate effectively,
-- Resolving conflict,
-- Healing past hurt,
-- Knowing how to make each other feel loved,
-- Relating to parents and in-laws,
-- Good sex,
-- Making time for each other, and
-- Having fun together.
At the end of the course, there is a monthly relationship check-up. Having “right relationships” doesn’t just apply to our relationship with God. It also has to do with our relationships with one another. Sometimes to maintain a right relationship with God is a lot easier than with one another – particularly our partner!
The Monthly Checkup
1. Are you booking dedicated “relationship time” with your partner each week?
2. Have you met his or her “top three desires” this month?
3. Have you talked about your feelings with your partner more than twice this month?
4. When you listened to your partner’s feelings this month were you able to do it without interrupting, criticizing, or giving advice?
5. How many times this month have you expressed appreciation for your partner?
6. During times of conflict, are you able to discuss the ISSUE rather than attacking your partner?
7. How many times this month have you taken time to generously listen to your partner’s point of view?
8. Have you spent time this month to express support for your partner?
9. How many times have you talked about your hurts with your partner?
10. When was the last time you apologized to your partner?
11. How many times this month have you made love to your partner in a way that communicated your love and commitment to him or her?
12. How many times have you been able to show love to your partner in your partner’s primary or secondary “love language?” (See www.fivelovelanguages.com).
Some Longer Term Issues to Work On
13. Have you been able to truly forgive your partner for hurting you? The criterion being that the offense no conditions our relationship with them. (See http://www.forgiveness-institute.org).
14. Have you been able to maintain independence from your parents and your partner’s parents?
15. Have you been able to forgive your parents for the ways they have hurt or failed you?
I encourage you to take a look at “The Marriage Course” website and think about reading Gary Chapman’s book, The Five Love Languages (see above).
-- Recognizing each other's needs,
-- Learning to communicate effectively,
-- Resolving conflict,
-- Healing past hurt,
-- Knowing how to make each other feel loved,
-- Relating to parents and in-laws,
-- Good sex,
-- Making time for each other, and
-- Having fun together.
At the end of the course, there is a monthly relationship check-up. Having “right relationships” doesn’t just apply to our relationship with God. It also has to do with our relationships with one another. Sometimes to maintain a right relationship with God is a lot easier than with one another – particularly our partner!
The Monthly Checkup
1. Are you booking dedicated “relationship time” with your partner each week?
2. Have you met his or her “top three desires” this month?
3. Have you talked about your feelings with your partner more than twice this month?
4. When you listened to your partner’s feelings this month were you able to do it without interrupting, criticizing, or giving advice?
5. How many times this month have you expressed appreciation for your partner?
6. During times of conflict, are you able to discuss the ISSUE rather than attacking your partner?
7. How many times this month have you taken time to generously listen to your partner’s point of view?
8. Have you spent time this month to express support for your partner?
9. How many times have you talked about your hurts with your partner?
10. When was the last time you apologized to your partner?
11. How many times this month have you made love to your partner in a way that communicated your love and commitment to him or her?
12. How many times have you been able to show love to your partner in your partner’s primary or secondary “love language?” (See www.fivelovelanguages.com).
Some Longer Term Issues to Work On
13. Have you been able to truly forgive your partner for hurting you? The criterion being that the offense no conditions our relationship with them. (See http://www.forgiveness-institute.org).
14. Have you been able to maintain independence from your parents and your partner’s parents?
15. Have you been able to forgive your parents for the ways they have hurt or failed you?
I encourage you to take a look at “The Marriage Course” website and think about reading Gary Chapman’s book, The Five Love Languages (see above).
Working on improving and strengthening our marriages and partnerships is the most important thing we can do this side of heaven. We know that... but... You’ve witnessed break-ups among your friends, and, perhaps it has even happened to you. Remember? By the time a couple takes action to save their relationship, it’s often too late!
We shouldn't be surprised. Most of us spend more time and concern about maintaining our automobiles than our marriage. When our car breaks down, it’s inconvenient. When our marriage breaks down it’s a ong-term disaster! It's a tsunami -- it's a Katrina! But often it is a disaster we saw coming and chose not to do anything.
The above checklist should help you to prevent that disaster – to begin to do something -- and a good action plan first begins with spending quality time together (without kids!). If you are not doing that, you may already be in trouble! Look at the Checkup List again. Talk about it with your partner -- today!
We shouldn't be surprised. Most of us spend more time and concern about maintaining our automobiles than our marriage. When our car breaks down, it’s inconvenient. When our marriage breaks down it’s a ong-term disaster! It's a tsunami -- it's a Katrina! But often it is a disaster we saw coming and chose not to do anything.
The above checklist should help you to prevent that disaster – to begin to do something -- and a good action plan first begins with spending quality time together (without kids!). If you are not doing that, you may already be in trouble! Look at the Checkup List again. Talk about it with your partner -- today!
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