What is Love?

What is love?

I mean, really?

The video below contains a beautiful story that links one's faith to love and caretaking.

Spiritual, Not Religious?

It has taken me a couple of days now to "recover" from being in the midst of, visited by, filled with the Holy Spirit on our retreat this past weekend. I wonder, could all of us attending been immolated, caught on fire, roasted by this “encounter”? We should be thankful we survived!

A theme began to be developed by Ben, our worship leader, it comes from Hillsong, "Hillsong" It is still reverberating in my head. I wake up singing it. It will not leave me alone. Christ is our cornerstone; the stone that holds two or more walls steady.

When I said at our closing session on Sunday that this was the most powerful experience I have ever been part of in my 20 years of ministry I was not kidding. I am sure that we saw all the spiritual gifts of the Bible and actually in operation... visions, words of knowledge, prophecy, healing, tongues and interpretation.

On Friday night, Francis Chan's video on the Holy Spirit challenged us to look back to the early church for which Jesus died. Remember that opening?

What I was left with was this:sometimes we have to go back to go forward. And when I mean going back I mean to the very early church of the apostles. Just like Francis reminded us, “When you read the New Testament you see that the Holy Spirit was to change everything."

How is it we will be changed? The New Testament tells us about what the church Jesus died for will look like. This is what I see, a small space, an upper room where Jesus’ followers assembled. A place where feet were washed, the Lord’s Supper celebrated, and the Holy Spirit requested for strength, direction, purpose, and healing. Jesus told them the Holy Spirit, the Comforter, would come and do “even greater” things than he did and they believed it.

They assemble in holy ground, sit on the floor and in a circle. A candle burns – the Light of Christ. They confess their sins to one another, pray for forgiveness, wisdom, strength, fortitude, healing, encouragement, and spiritual “in-filling.” They pray for themselves and others. Songs of praise are sung. Scripture is read and reflected upon. The Lord’s Supper is shared and a Kingdom-enabling activity is scheduled for the community to act upon during the coming week. They bless each other and are sent out into the world.

As they go out into the world they hear the word of God:

"To one there is given through the Spirit the message of wisdom… knowledge… faith… gifts of healing… miraculous powers… prophecy… distinguishing between spirits… speaking in different kinds of tongues, and… interpretation of tongues... If I speak in the tongues of men and of angels, but have not love... I am nothing." (1 Cor 12:8-11, 28-31; 13:1-2, NIV).

Yes, the practice of spiritual gifts is important, but we must always remember that Paul’s discussion of spiritual gifts (1 Cor 12) is followed by his important dissertation on the greatest of all spirituals gifts that we need to ask for and practice. It comes in the next chapter – LOVE.

Read and listen again. It’s not just a piece of scripture to be read at weddings. It is a prescription, a check-off list, that should direct all of our relationships – at home, at work, and at play (and even at church!).

LOVE IS:

1. Patience
2. Kindness
3. Rejoicing in truth
4. Protection
5. Trust
6. Hope
7. Perseverance

LOVE IS NOT:

1. Envy
2. Boasting
3. Pride
4. Rudeness
5. Self-seeking
6. Anger
7. Keeping a record of wrongs
8. Delighting in evil [1]

 The above is a good way to look at our important relationships! We might say to our loved one, “How am I doing with regard to what love is and is not?” And then sit back and deeply listen to your loved one without interruption!

So what would our relationships become under this love-test? What about how “church” might look today if we followed Jesus' teaching about the Holy Spirit and Paul's description of the early church? 

We all know that doing and following Jesus is more than assembling once a week in a building, singing a few songs, reading scripture, listening to a sermon and then leaving.

It's more and we all know it is. It is so much more that Jesus told us that he would send us a powerful helper to become the people he thought we were capable of – The Holy Spirit, This part of God's personality would show us the way if we would only ask and then follow.

We hear a lot today about the growing group of "nones;" those who when asked about what religion they practice say or check, "none." They are the same group of people who will loudly proclaim they are "spiritual, not religious." They are open to a spiritual encounter but have long ago set aside today's church and our often present hypocrisies.

I must say that this powerful vision of what church ought to be has stayed with me this week and might be a way to draw in those who are looking for a way to be more spiritual (not religious). So, I am wondering, "What would the church look like today if we believed what Jesus told us and did what he asked of us?” 

Can we really and truly follow Jesus? Are we prepared for real, true and lasting transformation that involves a deepening of our spirituality?

I shudder to think what might happen.

---

[1] “Love is patient, love is kind. It does not envy, it does not boast, it is not proud. 5 It is not rude, it is not self-seeking, it is not easily angered, it keeps no record of wrongs. 6 Love does not delight in evil but rejoices with the truth. 7 It always protects, always trusts, always hopes, always perseveres.” (1 Cor 13:4-7)

Tune Up Your Relationship!

As many of you know, Sabine and I have taught “The Marriage Course” for the past nine years (see http://relationshipcentral.org). It is an eight-week evening course for couples to help build strong primary relationships that will last a lifetime and we strongly recommend it. During the course, we use a workbook that covers these important relationship areas:

-- Recognizing each other's needs,
-- Learning to communicate effectively,
-- Resolving conflict,
-- Healing past hurt,
-- Knowing how to make each other feel loved,
-- Relating to parents and in-laws,
-- Good sex,
-- Making time for each other, and
-- Having fun together.

At the end of the course, there is a monthly relationship check-up. Having “right relationships” doesn’t just apply to our relationship with God. It also has to do with our relationships with one another. Sometimes to maintain a right relationship with God is a lot easier than with one another – particularly our partner!

The Monthly Checkup

1. Are you booking dedicated “relationship time” with your partner each week?

2. Have you met his or her “top three desires” this month?

3. Have you talked about your feelings with your partner more than twice this month?

4. When you listened to your partner’s feelings this month were you able to do it without interrupting, criticizing, or giving advice?

5. How many times this month have you expressed appreciation for your partner?

6. During times of conflict, are you able to discuss the ISSUE rather than attacking your partner?

7. How many times this month have you taken time to generously listen to your partner’s point of view?

8. Have you spent time this month to express support for your partner?

9. How many times have you talked about your hurts with your partner?

10. When was the last time you apologized to your partner?

11. How many times this month have you made love to your partner in a way that communicated your love and commitment to him or her?

12. How many times have you been able to show love to your partner in your partner’s primary or secondary “love language?” (See www.fivelovelanguages.com).

Some Longer Term Issues to Work On

13. Have you been able to truly forgive your partner for hurting you? The criterion being that the offense no conditions our relationship with them. (See http://www.forgiveness-institute.org).

14. Have you been able to maintain independence from your parents and your partner’s parents?

15. Have you been able to forgive your parents for the ways they have hurt or failed you?

I encourage you to take a look at “The Marriage Course” website and think about reading Gary Chapman’s book, The Five Love Languages (see above).

Working on improving and strengthening our marriages and partnerships is the most important thing we can do this side of heaven. We know that... but... You’ve witnessed break-ups among your friends, and, perhaps it has even happened to you. Remember? By the time a couple takes action to save their relationship, it’s often too late!

We shouldn't be surprised. Most of us spend more time and concern about maintaining our automobiles than our marriage. When our car breaks down, it’s inconvenient. When our marriage breaks down it’s a ong-term disaster! It's a tsunami -- it's a Katrina! But often it is a disaster we saw coming and chose not to do anything.

The above checklist should help you to prevent that disaster – to begin to do something -- and a good action plan first begins with spending quality time together (without kids!). If you are not doing that, you may already be in trouble! Look at the Checkup List again. Talk about it with your partner -- today!