When God Shows Up!

Why should I be amazed or astonished when God shows up? Shouldn’t I simply expect God to act? Well, I did, but I didn’t this past weekend.

This past weekend was our 4^th annual Holy Spirit weekend venture. My friend and colleague, Pastor Rob Nelson, and I started out by presenting these weekends as a “teaching moments;” to help the faithful learn more about the Holy Spirit and becoming full Trinitarian Christians (Father, Son, AND Holy Spirit).

For the first couple of times we led these weekends together we fell into the knowledge trap. We thought that If we TEACH about God’s Holy Spirit (just like we preach on Sundays) then this transformation should happen. This year, we asked another pastor friend to come out with us, Mike Lee from Lodi who is an accomplished musician and worship leader. The three of us have journeyed together as accountability partners since our first One Year to Live men’s retreat  four years ago.

A couple of years ago, as we prayed about the year’s upcoming weekend, we were literally touched by God – God told us he didn’t need smarter Christians, but Christians who yearn to EXPERIENCE him through his Holy Spirit. And so the weekend began to change from head to heart.

Just before this year’s weekend, I was extra busy with my book (read “obsessed" says Sabine!) and some last minute editorial and structural changes and on Wednesday, Sabine’s oncologist told us she had to go back on I.V. chemotherapy requiring two ½ day hospital visits each week for a number of months. In addition, we have a host of family soon joining us for Christmas. I was tired. Distracted. I really didn’t want to go on the weekend. On the day of the retreat I was extra busy, missed a nap I was going to take and dragged myself out to the Bethel Horizons Camp near Dodgeville where we scheduled this year’s retreat. I was worried about Sabine. The book edits were driving me nuts.

After dinner and some song, prayer and praise, we asked the nearly 20 folks present  if they would like some prayer as the evening began. No one came forward so I said, okay, why not me to start the session? As I stepped into the circle of those in attendance I had a huge weight on my shoulders. I felt strong hands on my shoulders, prayers for Sabine and then something I could actually feel on my shoulders – a slow lifting of weight. I began to feel more relaxed. I recognized my need to center myself this weekend and get beyond my book and its problems.

The evening went well and we finished up around 11 p.m. I thought I was tired and I headed to my room to hit the sack. Once there, I could not sleep. I tossed and turned. Sleep evaded me. In my head, I started thinking about a problem chapter I had. More tossing and turning and then I got up out of bed at 1:30. I had brought my computer along and the chapter in question was right there.  Is this what you want me to do, God? Two hours later, the problems were solved. I went back to bed got a couple of hours sleep and then got up around six. I had a cup of coffee, saw the sunrise in the east and began to feel light as a feather and I wasn’t tired. This was strange. What we all had prayed for last night had now come to pass. But lying in bed earlier, unable to sleep, I was a little ticked with God – hey, God, let me sleep. But that wasn’t the plan God had for me. Sometimes God’s plan is to disturb us.

I should have known God would be up to something powerful this weekend. When Rob and I met on Thursday afternoon we each had received a “word of knowledge.” His word was “surrender,” mine was “self-abandonment” -- virtually the same thing. We shared our words and I knew those words were as much for me as for anyone else in the group. I needed to surrender/abandon myself to God. To let go and let God. To not try and orchestrate God and tell God what to do. God is not someone for me to order around. That’s my spiritual struggle.

Of course, the weekend went powerfully well. Why would I doubt it? Wasn’t that my prayer! God’s Spirit came down and touched us powerfully. God’s spiritual gifts became manifest in the group just like on the day of Pentecost. And we ended with being further empowered and strengthen by the sacrament of  Holy Communion.  We did just as Jesus did. “Take and eat this bread – my body given for you. Take and drink this cup, my blood given for you,”

This weekend, we broke bread together, talked about our problems, prayed for and encouraged one another. God was given glory through song and freed-up bodies. Hands were raised, knees bent, and hearts opened to God.  Yes, we know about this. It was just like the Bible tells us. Just like the Early Church; the Church we read about in the New Testament. The Church Jesus died for. In Acts 2 we read all about that Church: those in it were filled with awe as they experienced signs and wonders. They lived in harmony with one another. Every person’s need was met. They worshipped and ate meals together. They celebrated with joy and exuberance and mightily praised God. So, what happened? Those around them liked what they saw and every day God added those who were saved (Acts 43-47, The Message translation).

Brothers and sisters, that’s the Church. Is it a place you would like to be but cannot find it? It really isn’t a building, it’s a body of people – a community. If you want something different, pray for it. Pray that those who come together in a building and yet who call themselves the “Body of Christ,” can humble themselves to the Lord, open their hearts to God, and then be willing to get out of their heads and into their hearts. Worship in Spirit. And set themselves and their needs aside and open the door for God to come in and dwell – and even mix things up! If we truly pray for God’s Spirit to mightily come among us, stir us up, and pour out his Spirit on everyone, it will happen.

Why should we be amazed or astonished when God shows up? Shouldn’t we simply expect God to act? We can be change, the transformation, that needs to happen. Go and do it!

(Finally, I need to share this powerful video by Rob Bell on God's Spirit called "Breathe." You can see it at:http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=-JzjerWHtdM) Let me know what you think.)

Waterboarding is Torture!

In the recent televised debate on national security, several Republican presidential candidates stated their support for waterboarding and other “enhanced interrogation techniques.”  There are, no doubt, some Democrats that support this position. But torture is torture -- and whoever says it is not is wrong – Republican or Democrat.

To take the edge of it, we often hear waterboarding euphemistically called an “enhanced interrogation technique.” But whatever it called it is torture and torture is immoral, un-American, illegal, and wrong.

As a matter of fact, after World War II, we prosecuted Japanese soldiers as war criminals for waterboarding our military personnel.  And time and time again, we hear experienced interrogators say that torture is simply not a good way to get useful information. As a police officer for over thirty years, I know that good cops get better information from suspects than bad cops!

We say we are a nation, “under God.” If that is so, then we must remember that God teaches us to defend and respect the dignity of all human beings – not to abuse and torture them.

      This issue is beyond political parties. For example, Senator McCain, our most recent Republican nominee for President, a war hero, and a survivor of torture, said that he was “very disappointed by statements supporting waterboarding. Waterboarding is torture.”

      Let’s get it straight. Regardless of our political affiliation, waterboarding is torture! And let’s not stand for it! So to make sure what we are talking about. Take a look at the Christopher Hitchens video on waterboarding: http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=4LPubUCJv58

A Writer Listens to Jesus' Stories

How does a writer like Mary Gordon approach the stories Jesus told? Especially a writer who is just like the rest of us… sometime we believe, sometimes we don’t… sometimes we wonder why all the contradictions in the stories Jesus told and the ones his followers wrote down – the Gospels? This is a great book about Jesus in the narrative, the story, by a person who loves stories and wants to love Jesus.

Mary Gordon grew up in an Italian-Irish Catholic/Jewish family. Her father converted to Catholicism. She attended Holy Name of Mary School in Valley Stream and The Mary Louis Academy High School in Jamaica, N.Y. She is Catholic.

Mary received her A.B. from Barnard College and her M.A. from Syracuse University. She is the McIntosh Professor of English at Barnard College.

In 1981, she wrote the foreword to the Harvest edition of Virginia Woolf's A Room of One's Own. In 1984 she was one of 97 theologians and religious persons who signed “A Catholic Statement on Pluralism and Abortion,” calling for religious pluralism and discussion within the Catholic Church regarding the Church's position on abortion.

Novelist Galaxy Craze said this of Gordon as a teacher,

"She loves to read; she would read us passages in class and start crying, she's so moved by really good writing. And she was the only good writing teacher at Barnard, so I just kept taking her class over and over. She taught me so much."

Circling My Mother: A Memoir (2007) marked her return to nonfiction. In 2009 she published a book Reading Jesus: A Writer’s Encounter with the Gospels.  In it, Gordon uses her literary training to read the Gospels.

See what she had to say in this book…

http://books.google.com/books?id=DlZvt855VacC&printsec=frontcover&dq=Mary+Gordon&hl=en&ei=ZEPBTpO1N8nC2wWkqfizBQ&sa=X&oi=book_result&ct=result&resnum=5&ved=0CEUQ6AEwBA#v=onepage&q&f=false

Health Advice

There are usually two bits of advice we are constantly given from healthcare providers and clergy: to exercise and to pray. I think it’s safe to say that both are critical for good physical and spiritual health. But of course we are busy and to take time for both of these activities is just too time consuming -- even if we know it is good for us.

So I am going to propose a solution; do both together – exercise while you pray, pray while you exercise! During my morning hour-long exercise (which is either walking our woods, cycling, snowshoeing or skiing) I pray. It isn’t as difficult as it sounds. And I am sure that God accepts this type of prayer as much as God accepts other prayers. Remember the formula: ACTS as a method of prayer? – adoration (praise to God), contrition (self-examination and asking for forgiveness), thanksgiving (for all our blessings), and supplication (asking help from God). During exercise, we can also listen; to be quiet, hear what God is saying to us (this is the part of prayer that we often forget… to be quiet). This is an important ingredient in both contemplative and centering prayer. You can find out more about this kind of prayer at: http://www.contemplativemind.org.

What I am really talking about is “prayer-walking.” And prayer-walking has a long history within all our enduring world religions. For example, I found a great little book online about this kind of prayer at: http://www.newchurches.com/mediafiles/PrayerWalkManual.pdf. And within the Christian Orthodox tradition, “hesychasm” is a form of praying done while walking and constantly repeating the “Jesus Prayer” (“Lord Jesus Christ, Son of God, have mercy on me, a sinner”).  (You can find out more about this practice at http://www.hesychasm.ru/en/library.htm). And within Buddhism, many monks, like Thich Nhat Hanh, advocate mindfully walking for one’s spiritual health.

I have also found that an iPod is a good way to keep up on contemporary spiritual music from praise to Gregorian chant. Plug in and listen to the wonderful spiritual music that can be downloaded from the iTunes website (and besides, our monthly praise Eucharist will be a lot more familiar to you!).

So this month I am advocating that you consider beginning a program that combines exercise and prayer. I have mentioned before that to either eliminate or ingrain a habit takes about six weeks. So why not begin this fall? Start out with a 30 minute walk and pray the “ACTS” format and then spend the rest of the time being quiet and listening for God. Set a time every day and get out and get praying. The result is a heart that will be healthier both physically and spiritually!  

The Elephant in the Room: Reflections on the Corporate Church

This past week I attended our denomination’s annual meeting. I am sure it was like the annual denominational meetings of most other Christians. I have attended these assemblies more or less since the early 1990s. Sadly, each time I go away disappointed. My disappointment comes from the fact that we do corporate culture so well (resolutions, amendments, parliamentarians, and amendments to the amendments) and Spirit so poorly . Each delegation from each parish seems to come with one (often unspoken) resolve: to make sure there are no increase in parish assessments (read: taxes). If our leaders are able to “hold the line” on parish taxes they buy peace for another year.

So this time I was again thinking: maybe I should just resolve myself to doing corporate; that is, act like a shareholder. But in that case, I would have to delve into the corporate report that tells us all is not well in our part of the Kingdom – after all, if 2/3 of our parishes have not grown perhaps we need some spiritual help. So, why not take some risks? Innovate, experiment! In the corporate world this kind of report would bring uneasiness to shareholders. 

So given where we are today what are we going to do about it? What’s is the plan of our CEO and board of directors to improve? Do things better? Bring about a better “bottom line” in the immediate future. For the “bottom line” in our business is not financial growth or reduced taxes  but rather the making of disciples. And of course there is God’s pronouncements in Matthew 25 as to who should receive our effort in case we are unsure: the hungry, those who thirsty, strangers, sick, or in prison. How have we acted on God’s preference for these people?  Not on outreach, but on “boots on the ground” mission? In the corporate world these could be goals whose performance could then be measured and then action demanded.

On the other hand, I can easily dismiss this corporate-focus of the church. Sure, some business needs to be transacted: positions filled, budgets approved and so on. But if I set aside things bureaucratic, then I am compelled to try and view this gathering in an entirely different way: the way Jesus would. But then I expect something different to happen. Really different.

Now I expect this because I have witnessed it before. I know what I read in the Bible (especially our church “how-to-do-it” manual called the Book of Acts). I expect big things to happen when Christ’s Spirit is invited in. I have seen it in mission-work, retreats, worship, and occasionally when teaching or preaching – and, yes, I have experienced it in my own life. This Spirit transforms lives, heals the sick, and turns hearts to God. I have seen “wonders and signs” and even miracles. And, yes, I expect them to happen -- even during annual church meetings.

Bear with me. Once a year we all get together in one big assembly – a body; to wit, Christ’s Body. To me, this is an immense opportunity for us to hear and share stories of God’s work in the world and be filled with his Spirit. How have we gone about carrying out the Great Commission? Brought the Reign of God closer? How have we fed the hungry, healed the sick and visited captives? How has the Spirit been working in and amongst us? Tell it and tell it out loud. When Christ’s Body comes together it should be a time of great witness, sharing and celebration.

And what about that celebration? When a group of Jesus’ disciples get together in one place for two days, big things ought to happen: heart-wringing celebration through worship and liturgy, unbridled praise, reinforced hope, and a glorious spiritual in-filling! This is Christ’s body here on earth. Yes, it happens! Remember, Christ has no hands, no feet, no voice, but ours. So, let’s clap hands, dance and sing!

But when we get together it is often apparent that we are not what God intended: for the most part, we are overwhelmingly white and we are grey. I feel that it is a condemnation that we have not gone out to the world with God’s message of reconciliation and hope and made manifest the prophecies in Joel 2 and Galatians 3 that we would be ONE in Christ Jesus – and a joyful ONE at that!  Our worship is often the “same-old, same-old.” Yes, cross-generational worship is difficult, but not impossible. Worship can also be a time for innovation, letting go and letting God. Today, we Christians must think outside the box and if the box is old and musty, then we need to open it up to spiritual winds. Those who have read the New Testament and believed it should not accept any less.

The post-communion hymn for our evening worship for that weekend meeting was, “I am the Bread of Life.” The words are powerful and I believe are written to move not only our hearts but our bodies as well. After all, we are talking about being raised up! We sang four verses of the hymn and four refrains of  “And I will raise them up, and I will raise them up, and I will raise them up on the last day.” We are singing about the process of being raised up; renewal, spiritual re-birth. For those of us who have experienced being raised up, how can this not move us? As I looked around, I noticed congregation assembled was either sitting or kneeling. As the verses progressed and the refrain repeated again, a few hands were raised, a few bodies were swayed by the Great Promise – that we will be raised “on the last day.”  Hey, that’s the Message! What does it mean? How does it move us?

I was in the back row and expecting that this, perhaps, would be the moment of spiritual filling I was hoping for; that we, as a body, would be moved as others have been moved in the past. And that we would begin to worship with our whole bodies -- “heart, mind, soul and strength;” We could do that by standing up and raising our hands in the ancient form of prayer to God.  But, we didn’t -- instead, we sat.

Then the words of Jesus in Luke 19 came to me. It was the time when the religious leaders of his time asked Jesus to tell his disciples to stop shouting his praises; literally, to quit causing a commotion, quit embarrassing themselves. But Jesus didn’t tell them to stop, instead, he told his critics, “If they keep quiet, the stones will cry out.” I didn’t want the stones in this church to cry out, so I stood up and raised my hands in praise.

Such is the nature of the Church -bureaucratic versus the Church-triumphant, we get mixed up as to who, whose we are, and what we should be doing. And the reason we become more bureaucratic than triumphant is that we keep on ignoring what Jesus said and did. He promised us great things, “Those who believe in me will do what I do—yes, they will do even greater things” (John 14:12). It is this Spirit which we ought to call into our midst at every gathering; empowering, teaching and leading us to do God’s work in the world. And when he shows up to welcome him!

So as we go about our corporate business, I notice the “elephant in the room” -- the obvious individual no one wants to notice. And, to me, that elephant is the Spirit Jesus promised to send to us.

I don’t know when or where we will ever welcome this “elephant” in our denomination. Maybe I am off-base on this. Maybe my heart has been made Pentecostal. And maybe all is well and it’s just me. But I am sensing that it is not -- and that if we do not start doing the things we know we should be doing, one day, someone, most likely old and white like me, will have to turn off the lights for the last time, say goodbye to a once grand and gallant assembly of Christians who sadly ignored, then forgot, the Third Person in God's household.

One Year Since His Death

The following is a poem I wrote on the anniversary of my son's death. It is hard to believe that now a year has passed since that tragic day...

were you astonished?

(i love that word

  so prevalent in

       mark’s gospel)

were you?

                i mean that

family

  for which you

agonized

hope for

has now come to

be

and this morning

(a year since you

died)

we walked silently

in the dark

to restoration

point

lit a fire

and thought of

you

also astonished

we know you

were with us

last summer

as we

with abandon

laughingly

leapt again and

again

into that mighty

river

the grief has passed

sadness remains.

9/29/2011

In the Presence of Miracles

In the Presence of Miracles

Miracles are events in our lives that seem not to follow the laws of nature nor that which we would normally expect. Many of us believe in them because they seem to be surprise moments and events in our lives; moments pregnant with opportunity. And we also know these moments are orchestrated by God.

Miracles are the “signs and wonders” frequently mentioned in both the Hebrew and Christian Bibles. Five times in Deuteronomy, the “signs and wonders” of Israel’s deliverance out of slavery in Egypt is mentioned. When God does this, the call to those who follow God is to “remember!” Remember what God has done and WILL DO in the future. Miracles give us the opportunity to be both astonished and motivated to change -- to become better persons.

In the Book of Acts, the prophecy of Joel is fulfilled: “God said, "I will pour out my Spirit on every kind of people: Your sons will prophesy, also your daughters; Your young men will see visions, your old men dream dreams.” God is both active and present: “When the time comes, I'll pour out my Spirit on those who serve me, men and women both, and they'll prophesy. I'll set wonders in the sky above and signs on the earth below” (Acts 2:14).

In the Bible we are also told what happens when Jesus prophesies: "The person who trusts me will not only do what I'm doing but even greater things…” (John 14:12). This is a difficult teaching to accept for most Christians in the western world. We are so rational. So suspicious of the heart. So wary of emotion, signs, or wonders.

But when Jesus’ followers believed in he had told them, big things started to happen. People were astounded. “Everyone around was in awe—all those wonders and signs done through the apostles!” (Acts 2:42).

This past weekend I was again in the presence of miracles, signs and wonders! It was during our fall men’s retreat, “One Year to Live” (OYTL) (http://www.lutheranmeninmission.org/events/oytl.html). It is a men’s event that I first attended three years ago and one in which I have volunteered be on staff at least twice a year since then. You see, I love being in the presence of miracles, signs and wonders! It makes faith so exciting!

During these retreats I witness the power of the Christian faith to do what Jesus wanted us to do – change our lives for the better – in short, transform ourselves into the men God created us to be – men who reject passivity, accept responsibility, lead courageously, and expect God’s blessings. (Robert Lewis, Four Marks of a Real Man).

What kind of miracles am I talking about? Men deeply and generously listening to one another. Men finding a safe place to off-load the heavy emotional baggage they have been carrying around for years. Men being honest, processing loss and grief they have experienced in their lives. Men committing to taking definite steps to be a better person; husband, father and friend.

I know when I am in sacred space. I know because it is honest, safe, and nurturing – and one powerfully senses the presence of God. Why do we men have trouble talking about our deep feelings? It is because most of us have hearts that we have shielded with the toughest armor. My image of this male-shielding is an ancient Roman battle formation called the “testudo” or turtle. The formation is like that of a hard shelled turtle or armadillo (testudo means turtle in Latin). When an attacked  by archers is launched, the men wheel round and hold their shields overhead and to the side for protection (see video at: http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=VMuSyEud3BE). The shape looks like a turtle and is protection from on-coming arrows.

The testudo formation is the best image I can think of regarding a man’s heart --  shielded, encased, protected against life’s arrows!... or so I thought. In my thirty plus years as a police officer, I put a testudo shield over my heart – both literally and figuratively -- the badge I wore on my uniform each day.

Did I have much grief packed away during my police career? You bet! After seminary I enrolled in a one-year residency as a hospital chaplain called “Clinical Pastoral Experience” (CPE). It was a time of emotional and spiritual supervision, group work with others in the program, and a great opportunity to do some spiritual and emotional work.

During the program I was a candidate for holy orders. It was during the end of my residency and my ordination was only a few weeks away when one day when I decided to talk about some things that were bothering me. There was this constant memory from my early years when I was a member of the police underwater recovery team in Minneapolis. We were the guys that were called out to recover evidence that may have been tossed over one of our city bridges or to recover the body of a drowned victim. Often those bodies were children’s bodies.

Now I was approaching ordination and I knew that an important part of my clergy duties would be baptism. And in my denomination, the baptism of children. The two images I began to struggle with was memories of my past in which I brought dead children up out of the water. The second image was that of a future which included bringing children up out of the water of baptism into new life. My past was stalking me, reminding me of those tragedies.  

In those days, I would be called out, often at night. I would drive to a lake or river and as I got out of my vehicle with my diving gear, I would see them. The parents. The deep-grieving, shocked parents who now looked with anticipation at me. Maybe I would I be able to find and save their child? But, of course, we all knew that was not possible. It had been too long.

After a few hours of groping in the dark waters along a prescribed search pattern, I would bump into something. Without seeing that something I would know what it was. It was the child. I remember a prayer I often repeated before I got into the water, “Please, Lord, don’t let me find her first; let someone else do it.”

When I contacted the body (it was often too dark to see anything, even with a powerful light, I would gently reach out, put my arms around the child and bring her up out of the water. I will then swim with her to the beach and give her to her parents. I don’t ever remember showing my feelings during this times. It was all “stiff upper lip; be professional!”  I stuffed my feelings about this and this horror down and deep.

After a diving operation, my colleagues and I would go to a bar and drink. More stuffing and numbing our feelings. This went on for years along with other traumatic events: being shot at, dangerous vehicle pursuits, physical struggles, rescues, and those intermittent times of fear – sometimes of terror.

We never talked about or processed what this was like for us. We were young and many of us had small children at home – safely sleeping in bed – while we  searched for another child’s body.

So that day, weeks before my ordination, I started sharing my deep feelings about these experiences and how these strange comparative images were dominating my thoughts.  As I began talking, my shield, my “testudo formation,” crumbled away.

I remember spending the next hour deeply weeping and sobbing. The grief I had stuffed for years flowed out of me. My defenses were gone and the result was a miracle as I began to unwrap my heart and open it to others --  and to God.

This one act, so many years ago, prepared me not only for parish ministry, but to become a more engaging husband, father, and pastor. Without that spiritually and emotionally cleansing opportunity, I would not be the man I am today. Not that in any way I am perfect, but that I am becoming a more improved version of my past self –  a David 2.3, so to say, growing in Christ and knowing that I can only do this through God’s grace and Spirit. It all was there for me all the time if I had only asked!

I have gone on longer than I intended. Suffice it to say that change, improvement, even miracles, are possible in each one of us. But in order to do so we have to “retreat,” get away, from the busy, noisy world around us and slowly dismantle our “testudo formations.” Unless we are willing to be vulnerable, practice compassion, and commit ourselves to serving others, we will never be the man God created us to be. Sure, we will exist, but we won’t be able to thrive, to grow, and experience true joy.

What happened that day was a miracle for me. I felt the gentle hand of God helping me. It was the same hand, the same miracle which enabled me to recently survive three terrible events in life – one of my granddaughters killed in an auto accident, my wife struggling with an incurable cancer, and a son who took his life. During these times, I cried out to God, I opened my heart, expressed my grief and feelings and God literally picked me up from the ground where I had fallen, lead me forward into restoration and healing. No need for the testudo formation anymore.

Yes, I believe in miracles. I have been in their presence. God continues to amaze and astonish me. Last weekend was another powerful demonstration of it!

RESTORATION: Reflections on a Family Weekend

On Thursday, August 18, 2011 the Couper family began to assemble for a reunion. We decided to center it around a house boating adventure on the Mississippi River. It soon began to be called a “restoration cruise.” It was our first-ever get together that was not centered around a family tragedy.

The origins of a “restoration cruise” began last fall after Matthew’s death. Sadly, we came together in Blue Mounds for a memorial service. We all were touched by the need to connect; the realization that life is too short, too precious and that we have amazing people in our family. Almost as one, we felt we must now try and connect our lives.

Three years earlier we had found ourselves together at Allison’s funeral. It also had a profound impact on us. These two tragedies were two seeds planted in the soil of our family. These experiences could drive us further apart in our pain or, perhaps, we thought, they could bring us closer together. It took the latter course. And now we all know that these two events were to bring about the loved and restoration we all experience today.

I sensed that two spiritual “words” were given to us last fall during Matthew’s memorial. They were “reconciliation” and “restoration.” From them we came to understand that the suffering, loss and grief we experienced as a family would be healed. That our family could, in fact, grow from these tragedies.

Relationships were in need of reconciliation. Years had been lost that needed restoration. And now, this past year, relationships were built. We began communicating with each other and being supportive – we could feel the love that began to flow from this. It was the healing balm that was needed to get through the grief we all were experiencing. And from reconciliation came restoration. Yes, the years that were lost were now being restored!

The hat design contest captured this theme of restoration and reconciliation: “Couper Restoration Cruise, Linking Hearts, 2011.”

On Sunday morning, as the weekend wound down, we assembled on top of one of the two boats we rented for the weekend. We shared our thoughts of the weekend journey – those things for which we were thankful. I heard you rejoice in this “unity among our diversity” and the tremendously fulfilling experience of being friends with one another. Acknowledging we are alike, but different, and that’s okay. Carrying on the tradition we started last fall, we joined hands in a circle before our evening meal – a “circle of love” -- which linked hands and hearts with thanksgiving and celebration. Each one of us are now at different points in our life’s journey; different stages of life, career, and spirituality.

Many of us have different faith and belief systems, yet there was an intentional practice of hospitality and love. This was very important and something that is being intentionally practiced in the family. It is a good thing!

Over the weekend, we shared meal preparation, stories, and laughter. We fished, kayaked, and jumped again and again off the top deck of the boats and into the river… it was joyful, cleansing, and refreshing. The river became both vehicle and metaphor. Five of you experienced your early years on a Mississippi houseboat – this was both a memory and a willingness to share that experience with other family members. So the cruise became a time to look back and a time to move forward – this time together with the incorporation of new family members.

I didn’t want to get maudlin when my turn came to speak on that Sunday morning, but I did. My heart was so full, so linked! I was so thankful and yet I wanted also to remember Allison and Matthew; how I loved them and still feel their loss. Almost a year has now passed since Matthew died. I also realize that I am chronologically approaching the end of my journey. I have made mistakes. We all have made some. Yet I feel we all are committed to making forward progress – to grow. I am proud of this family. And I deeply love each one of you!

As I said, that weekend enables me to die a happy man! (I am serious!) I am blessed to be your father, father-in-law, grandfather, and great-grandfather. I am thankful I have lived long enough to participate in that weekend. My longevity has enabled me to remember the good things in life so that my tears of sadness are usually mixed with laughter and fond remembrances. That Sunday morning, I looked around me. There was my family, and the woman who made all this possible. Sabine, never let me give up; assuring me over the years that what I was hoping, dreaming, and praying for would one day be possible.

Again, I want to thank all of you for being there. For those of you who couldn’t make it, you were included, thought of, remembered and loved. Thank you, all of you. You have blessed me with something I could never have imagined as being possible. It was a great weekend. A miracle. God does show up in our lives when we ask. And when God shows up it is truly awesome!

What's a Christian to Do?

Thomas Merton once wisely observed that “every person becomes the image of the God they adore.” This is why two people who say they follow and love the same God can find themselves in total opposition to one another. And it says a lot about what’s going on today with regard to many of the important issues facing us today like famine, war and who’s IN and who’s OUT of God’s Kingdom!


Last Saturday the Governor of Texas participated in a huge prayer and fasting day at the Reliant Stadium in Houston. At first look, that would be something I normally would be interested in. Who can be against prayer and fasting? Our scriptures certainly recommend both practices for God-followers. But some political reporters saw this as something else -- a step toward the Republican presidential nomination.

But aside from the politics of the event, I have to ask who’s in and who’s out? While we Christians share these two practices (prayer and fasting) with most all of the world’s enduring religions, the conference was organized by the American Family Association which, in the past, has tended to be very conservative in its views regarding women, gays, illegal immigrants, and non-Christians, and especially Muslims. They have tended to be quite strident regarding who they think is IN the Kingdom of God and who is not.

And while the conference said it was “non-denominational,” the agenda and focus was overtly Christian and would not have been a place where Jews or Muslims would be comfortable. So, in effect, “all faiths” were not welcome and biblical mandate toward hospitality was not a dominant theme of the day.

So in this contentious, multi-cultural, racial world in which we live, how is a Christ-follower to approach events like this? How can we talk about faith in God and be hospitable to others? I have to say “warily!” I don’t mind (and have participated in) strong, Christ-centered events (like the Alpha Course and the “One Year To Live” men’s retreats). But in these cases it is clear who is sponsoring the event and who is being proclaimed. Those who sponsor the events in which I participate do not conceal the purpose of the events – to call people into a closer relationship with God through Jesus Christ. And when I participate in an inter-faith event, I try to be hospitable to those who don't share the same beliefs about Jesus that I have; instead, I stress our commonality -- our love and adoration of a living, creating, just and loving God.

I am opposed to events that claim to be inter-denominational, or inter-faith, and are clearly not. I am opposed to events that cut across my understanding of God; a God who is loving, kind, compassionate and calls ALL of us into a deeper relationship with each other and with God.

So events or people that stress practices, policies, statements that drive people apart; the differences between us rather than the fact ALL of us are created in the image of God -- I choose to stay away.

A Christian today must be a discerning disciple of Jesus. A Jesus who told us to love one another and God as deeply as we love ourselves, who always had a preference for the poor and socially disadvantaged, who walked the earth with great humility, forgiveness, openness, integrity, authenticity, and lovingkindness.

When Jesus did this, those around him saw God with greater clarity. They were healed. Their lives transformed!

When we try to act and be more like Jesus we can become more like the God we say we adore! And it will be evident to others.

Brothers and sisters, of course “it ain’t easy.” We all are a work-in-progress and the practice of Christianity today in our American culture is more about dogged, loving persistence than about dogma or even theology. So, let's start being sensitive to others in the world. Jesus died for them, too!

The Wild Goose

John Buchanan, editor of “Christian Century,” was recently in South America. And it was there that he had a remarkable encounter with the Holy Spirit. Buchanan also serves as a seminary professor and it was in this role that he was asked to meet with a number of local pastors. The meeting was to be late one night (it had to be so because every one of the pastors wishing to meet with him were “tent-makers;’” that is, they, like St Paul, had full-time day jobs in addition to their church duties. Their seminary was in a small room. And it solely consisted of hundreds of tape-recorded sermons by senior pastors. These recordings were sent out to others pastors throughout the country (most of whom were illiterate). This was their seminary. The teaching they received was solely by the spoken word. This was the way there were being developed into competent shepherds of Christ’s flock. This was how they learned about God, how to lead a congregation, and preach God’s Word.


Buchanan remarked that all they had were these recordings (the spoken Word of God) and the Holy Spirit. It turned out that this was more than enough. Just like Jesus said, it is the Holy Spirit who will teach us after he leaves us (Jn 14:26) and it is his Spirit that will permit those of us who follow him to do “ever greater” things than he did (Jn 14:26).

These faithful pastors had no prayer book, no “rules and regulations,” nothing that we would call “expected and necessary order and discipline.” They just follower the biblical accounts and baptized new believers, taught and led them.

They had one big thing and it was enough – they had God’s Spirit!

Those of us in the orderly (and often spiritually vacant) Western branch of Christianity, would, of course, be shocked by what we would see as the inadequacy of such a system. But the reality of life in the world today outside of our little part of the world is that this IS the Church of Jesus and it is the Church that the early followers of Jesus developed. After all, it was this way for the first 400 years of the Way of Jesus. The fact is that it worked then and it still works today! And as long as we run from, avoid, and diminish the work of God’s Spirit in the world, we will remain far from the powerful work that the Spirit could do in our own lives and in our own church!

So what does this mean to us who worship and live in the “organized Church”? Is there any application of, or lesson regarding, what God is dynamically doing in South America, Asia and Africa?

I think it’s this. We are all too “orderly” regarding the message of God in Christ. In our culture we all deeply love and respect order, intellect, restraint, and emotional control. We are a rational people and the idea of a Holy Spirit is almost too much for us to ponder let alone experience!

The Spirit of God that permeates both the Hebrew and Christian scriptures is more like how the Celts described him/her: to them God’s Spirit was a “wild goose” not a gentle dove. God’s Spirit is wild, “blows where it will,” and does jaw-dropping, stunning miracles, and indelibly transforms lives. He/She is the creating, healing, teaching, strengthening, and resurrecting force of God in the world – something for which we need to reckon.

As you and I journey in faith, I pray that each one of us can come “nose to nose” with God’s Spirit – with that Wild Goose. It can happen. And it can dramatically change our lives. All we have to do is be open to this powerful possibility. Open to being touched, changed, and blessed by the God who reaches out. The God who is a wild Spirit. Go for it! Pray for it. Grasp it!

This is what you shall do...

For today, a poem by Walt Whitman...

This is what you shall do

"This is what you shall do; Love the earth and sun and the animals, despise riches, give alms to every one that asks, stand up for the stupid and crazy, devote your income and labor to others, hate tyrants, argue not concerning God, have patience and indulgence toward the people, take off your hat to nothing known or unknown or to any man or number of men, go freely with powerful uneducated persons and with the young and with the mothers of families, read these leaves in the open air every season of every year of your life, re-examine all you have been told at school or church or in any book, dismiss whatever insults your own soul, and your very flesh shall be a great poem and have the richest fluency not only in its words but in the silent lines of its lips and face and between the lashes of your eyes and in every motion and joint of your body."

[From the preface of Leaves of Grass. Public domain]

Hearing God in Silence – A Reflection

Earlier this week, I went on an overnight retreat with four other clergy at Sinsinawa; a huge convent in Southwestern Wisconsin run by the Dominican sisters. I already knew two of the men I was with very well (we had been on and worked the One Year to Live Retreat together), but while I had heard good things about the two new men who would be joining us, our paths had never crossed.

Like any new group, it takes a while to get to know one another. So how did we do that? Each member of the group told their “call” story; a little about their life and how they found Jesus. Where they are “at” today. And what have been times of pain and disappointment in our lives – and the joys as well. This, of course, took time. But time well spent.

What was our purpose in getting together? To listen. To listen to each other -- but most importantly to listen for God; what God might have to say to us. We talked. We listened. We prayed. We sang songs (one of the guys had a guitar!). Interestingly, our ages ran from 30 to 70s – meaning that each one of us had our own decade: 30s, 40s, 50s. 60s, and 70s. But no one heard anything.

At the same time, we all were worried about the church – her future, declining attendance, missing generations, etc. We all were church leaders, activists for Jesus, and used to getting things done. Still, we listened -- and heard nothing! God, what is going on? Speak to us, where are you? Can’t you hear us, those who faithfully serve you! (a lament psalm in making?). But God was still silent. And I, for one, agonized about it.

Finally, we all headed for bed around 10 p.m. that night (I was tired!). But I couldn’t get to sleep. I kept on waking up. Now what is it God? Then I began to hear in my head a praise song that was on my ipod: “The Name of the Lord Be Praised.” Again, and again. “The name of the Lord be praise-ed! Right now!” I couldn’t sleep. I tossed and turned and finally got up about 4 a.m. and had some “coffee-time with Jesus” (my morning prayer).

I sat in the beautiful chapel at Sinsinawa and saw the sun rise and penetrate the multicolored mosaic windows that surrounded it. It seemed that no one else in the building was awake yet. “The name of the Lord be praised…” Then God’s Word came to me. Silently sitting there as a new day dawned, God spoke, “It’s okay. It’s enough.”

What do you mean, God, “it’s okay?” There’s so much work to do to save our churches, make disciples for your Son. And those people in our congregations who don’t seem to get it! Don’t tell me, it’s okay, God! And, by the way, how could we be enough? We are broken men, sinners, strugglers, egotists, and a heck of a lot worse. How could we be enough?

As I sat there arguing with God I realized that it is OKAY! And the other thing I realized is that we ARE enough! Our job as Jesus’ disciples is to tend the garden, God will provide seed and water. We are not God because YOU ARE GOD and you will do what needs to be done. While you love and continue to call us we are not to be supermen for Jesus, but simply faithful workers in the garden.

Whew! It was such a blessing to receive this as we approach the Day of Pentecost; that day when a bunch of broken God-followers were sitting there waiting for Jesus and nearly got their socks blown off! I bet they thought it wasn’t okay (where in the heck was Jesus and why did he leave us here alone). Swooosh, bang, fire! God said, I will fill you up, love you to pieces, give you strength during the adversities to come, teach you, put the Word in your mouth, and all this will come from the “swoosh-bang-fire” Helper – God’s Spirit. It’s not up to you, it’s up to me – it’s okay, you’re enough -- do you believe this?”

I had to leave early to get back home and oversee Sabine’s dialysis. I haven’t talked to my brothers on that retreat yet as to what they heard. But I got so excited on the way home, I texted them the following message. “A Word: It’s okay; it’s enough!” I am anxious to hear what they heard on that high sacred mound; a mound in which eagles frequently fly…

Yes, Lord, I believe you are the One, the One in the world, the One who knows it’s okay and that we are enough! AMEN

The Importance of Practice

If there is one thing I have learned in life it is this: spiritual growth is directly related to one's practice!  The concept of practice is something I learned from my Buddhist brothers and sisters.  Practice is the training a person needs to grow and improve.  You don't train, you don't get better -- you don't improve.

A practice does not have to be a herculean effort, it just needs to be able to be accomplish-able without grinding you down.  The danger is that most of us start out with a goal that is too big -- for example, let's say you have a goal to enter and to finish the Ironman Triathalon in Hawaii.  Now if you haven't been training by swimming, biking and running the kind of distances required by this lofty physical event, you'd better not enter it.  Maybe you have just set your sights too high. Instead, how about a local event that offers lesser distances than the 2.4 miles of swimming, 112 miles biking and 26.2 miles of running?  Locally, lesser distances are usually offered. But even if you choose to enter locally, you've got to train before you enter the game!

Now let's compare this with our spirituality (or in my tradition, my Christian "practice"). Most of us begin the our practice without thinking about training and preparation.  We set a goal too high. Then we give up feeling like a failure. So, how does one properly do spiritual training -- to begin a "practice"?

For me, my spiritual training (just like my physical training) is regular, planned, and incremental. I know that if I am going to either grow or be sustained in my faith, I need to train on those things that will help me on my spiritual journey without burning me out. Just like you can over-train physically, you can over-practice spiritually.

In my case, I have four basic spiritual "practices:" 1) daily reading of scripture, 2) prayer for my friends and family, 3) thanksgiving to God for what I have, and 4) time sitting alone in silence in order to listen for God. (I also must admit that I have scratch paper and a pen nearby! -- for both my thoughts and God's!).

This practice generally takes 20-30 minutes and then I often supplement this by listening to my ipod when I take my morning one-hour walk (it contains a mixture of contemporary praise music and Gregorian chant).

This is what I feel maintains my spirituality, my connection with God -- just like that one-hour of physical exercise six days a week maintains my physical health and aerobic capacity to do other things in my life that I like to do (such as cycling, skiing, snowshoeing and kayaking).

So that's it in a nutshell; that's my practice.  And now I encourage you to develop your own spiritual practice.  Start out slow (remember, you don't get in condition to run a marathon by starting out running big distances) -- start slow, build up!

BLESSINGS!

Are You "On Mission"?

When some of my friends get together who have shared the “One Year to Live” weekend retreat we ask about each other’s mission. What is your mission? And what percent of your time since we last met have you been “on mission?”

So what is a mission? Remember the old television series, “Mission Impossible”? Peter Graves played the team leader. Each week he got a message about a mission (a tape message that would automatically destroy itself after being played!). It gave Peter Graves a mission – always a tough, almost impossible) mission. In the mission message was always the qualification, “should you accept this mission…” meaning that he could say no to. Of course, he never did. Graves always accepted the mission and always completed it! Wouldn’t that be nice if life was so easy? But if we never thought about what our mission in life was would we ever be able to accomplish the things we thought are important in life? Would we then just muddle through our years? Many folks do.

Think about these three mission questions: WHO are you? WHY do you exist? HOW are you going to live this life? This is identity, mission, and action! And when it comes to a life-mission, you do have a choice as to whether or not you are going to identify your mission in life and whether or not you will work to make life happen the way you wish it would. Because a lot about mission is about vision – a vision for your future. In the wisdom literature of the Psalms it is written: “without vision, the people perish.”

Think about WHO you are. Your identity. Is it as a father, mother, spouse, friend, a beloved child of God, a person with a positive self-concept?

WHY you exist. Your vision. Is it to do good in the world, to love family, friends and neighbors, to make a difference, to be a loving parent, a good spouse, a faithful friend?

HOW you are going to live this life. Your actions. Is it to maintain a life-long, loving marriage, strong personal relationships, a successful life at work, helping others whenever you have the opportunity?

Almost every successful human endeavor has a mission. I think individuals need them, too. What is your mission in life? Is it worth reflecting on and taking some time to develop? Is it worth reviewing from time to time? Is it worth sharing with the most important people in your life so that you keep on task – on mission and are living with integrity?

Maybe one way to start is to identify the three to five most important things you value in your life – things you deeply and strongly hold in the core of your being. Write them down. Now ponder them and then write down the things you are actually doing to make these important values real in your life. We may say we want to be wealthy, healthy, have a happy marriage, raise loving and successful children and so forth. But when we look at what we are actively DOING – where are spending our time and money – the actions we are living don’t seem to fit with the values we say are important.

So here’s an action plan: Draw up your own mission statement. Then invite one or two or your closest friends to talk about what they see as their mission in life. Ask them to join you in writing out a mission statement and sharing it regarding WHO they are, WHY they exist, and HOW they are living this life. Then meet again and share these statements with one another and then honestly look for the “beef”: where you all are spending your time and money.

I can assure you that it will be time well spent. And if your spouse is not in that “close friend” group, include him or her by sharing what you have written. Then give it the test. Ask your best friend: Do the things I am doing support that values that I say are important to me?

Good luck – and don’t forget to put some prayer into this – pray for honesty, insight, and, yes, courage!

Leaky Skins

Is it time to find new "wineskins?"  Jesus told us to put new wine into new skins because if we used the old skins for new wine they would burst (Matthew 9, Mark 2, and Luke 5).  Every vintner of his day knew this.  They knew the difference between old and new wine.

I have to admit that I see leaders of Christ's church today as sitting on a vat of new ideas (wine) and looking for the new place (wine skins) to pour them into.  But they remain reluctant to do so because they fear of breaking their "old wineskin" church open.  In their hesitation, the church as we know it (and most others don't) chugs on week after week and year after year with its old, tasteless, and undesirable "wine."  The only folks drinking the old wine are those who have always drunk that wine, and who simply don't have a curiosity or taste for God's new wine.  It's familiar wine, but not the great wine of the Kingdom of God.  All this goes on while the "old tasters" pray and pray that their children and grandchildren will somehow come and find the Jesus who, at Canaan, turned water into the very best wine imaginable.  But forward, Kingdom-thinking church leaders today know that the Jesus wine can't be served because it is too dangerous -- too explosive!

What is it that God expects of us?  Serve the new or stay with the old?  I suggest that God expects us to put the new wine of Jesus into new communities of people and invite those who love the old tasteless wine to join the party!  The new ideas that Jesus brought to us and taught us are still are new to most of his followers.  You and I know that to be a man or woman who actually follows Jesus is to be a cultural renegade -- a revolutionary wine taster!

So what is that which God asks?  God asks us to love God totally and to totally love other people that God has created -- our "neighbors" in the broadest of sense.

First, let's talk about that which God asks of us is NOT.  It is not using the majority of our "tithes/our giving" to maintain a building that is only used about 20% of the week.

It IS, however, about living in an authentic community/relationship with other Jesus followers and DOING Jesus to those outside this community.  It is serving and healing others while we, ourselves, grow more Christ-like; imitating Christ.  Inch by inch; day by day through the discipline of Christian living.  It is loving God through Jesus and letting our lives overflow and shine into the lives of others (mostly by not saying a word or getting in any one's face!).

This means we live a life of compassion, confession, forgiveness, and prayer -- and strive to see the face of Jesus in every other human being -- rich or poor, whatever race, ethnicity -- everyone!  We especially are called to not only see that Face but to especially serve those who are poor, ill, suffering, or in prison.

So, if this became the "church," the agenda, the practice (not the architecture) of a group of Jesus-followers how would that play out?  What would it look like?  But most importantly what would it BE and DO?

Brothers and sisters, this has been my spiritual/faith struggle.  I think I know what God wants of me, but I am too timid, too old, too insecure to act on it.  But if I were to actually PRACTICE my faith I would need a lot of prayer and support from others to do it.  I would need a lot of help from like-minded Jesus people who also find strength in community.

How would we begin?  Then how would we continue in this practice? About four centuries before Jesus, Aristotle (who also greatly informed Thomas Aquinas and other spiritual thinkers) said that it is not about what we do, but about the kind of person we become.

What do you think about all this?  What are your thoughts and about where the new wine should go?

Reflections On Another Great Men's Retreat

What in the world is God up to?  This is a question many of us ask after having experienced the "One Year To Live" weekend -- a Christian men's retreat sponsored by (would you believe it?) Lutherans!  If my denomination (Episcopals) or any other so-called "mainstream" Christian denomination sponsored this weekend I would be equally amazed.  But there is no doubt about what is going on -- IT IS OF GOD!

This past weekend I went on as a staff member to another retreat (my sixth) and heard this from a man who was in my small group,

"Before the retreat I would have said that I had been a Christian for forty years.  But after this retreat I realized I had spent those forty years sitting on the couch.  Now it's time to get up and go!"

We all need a spiritual tuneup from time to time -- otherwise we would remain "sitting on the couch" -- a spectator to the Jesus journey. There is a great similarity between our spiritual and our physical lives.  If we spend our life literally "sitting on the couch" we will some be visited by some people we quickly wish were not in our lives -- "Mr. Fat, Mr. Cholesterol, Mr. Stress, and Mr. Coronary Artery Disease!"

The same thing will happens to us if we just sit by and watch the practice of Christianity and not DO IT as Jesus would.  When we become a spiritual spectator rather than practitioner, we too, will visited by some unwelcome spiritual "visitors" who will not help us get to where we want to go in our spiritual life. 

In the absence of some kind of regular spiritual practice (like physical excercise), life will somewhat less than what it could be.  Jesus said he wanted us to have an "abundant life;" not just an ordinary, dull, and sedentary life.

What I again saw this weekend is not only God working powerfully among us and throughout our whole bodies, but I also how God sometimes breaks us open to teach us a deep spiritual lesson (and how God puts us back together again as well).  I guess I would call this the "humpty-dumpty" effect.  While all the king's horses and all the king's men couldn't put Humpty together again -- God does! 

For most of our lives, we men protect our selves at all costs (otherwise wouldn't we share our feelings more?).  And that protection of our hearts (our feelings) at all costs leads to tremendous damage to our most important relationships: wife, children, and friends. We have trouble connecting with them, telling them how much we love them -- telling our children we are proud of them and blessing them!

So, sometimes God uses us to show others our vulnerability.  I was in a hospital emergency room three years ago when Sabine was diagnosed with cancer.  It was then after weeks of ER runs and not knowing what was happening to her that I finally gave it up.  God broke me open; knocked me to my knees, as I finally admitted that I was no longer in control, that I deeply needed God -- that God was now in charge. I was no longer (nor did I want to be) the "captain of  my soul, the master of my fate."

It was a tremendously painful experience for me as I called one of my closest friends on the phone and sobbingly cried out, "I can't do it anymore.  I need help! Come down to the hospital!" And my friend and his wife came to my rescue.  God knew I needed help and I needed to be broken open before I realized it; before I willingly practiced what had been preaching -- "Let go and let God."  And from that "breaking open" also came God's repair and strengthening and the realization that I needed some strong, supportive and Godly men in my life.

Most of us realize this at one time or another in their lives.  I have come to realize that it is not my job to fix those men.  I can invite men to the weekend retreat, but it the next step is between them and their God).

Like the that wonderful hymn, "Amazing Grace," I know that "I once was blind, but now I see -- was lost but now am found."  It is a big step for a man to confess this.  For most of us it is a life-long process of seeing and finding.  And it is an open heart that leads us to do both.

Another powerful "fruit" of this weekend was to see a man stand up and ask to be baptized.  Over the three days, God opened and moved in this man's heart -- and on the last day of the retreat he was mightily baptized with his new-found brothers-in-Christ standing around him and agreeing to sponsor him.  I have come learn that few Christians today have ever seen an adult baptism!  Perhaps that is why it was so powerful!

So, again, have seen blessings, men touched by God, men moved by God to be better husbands, fathers and friends.  I have come to see that this is powerful spiritual work.  And as a priest and pastor, I will have to say that I have seen God most clearly during these weekends.

A lot of men ask me about the "agenda."  We don't publish or talk about the agenda because we want the weekend to special for each man.  Each one of us who have been through the retreat came because of one fact -- he trusted the man who asked him.  So I ask you, by trust, to come.  The reality is that you either trust me or not.  I pray that you do.

But I will give you more.  I will give you a guarantee that this men's retreat is the best, most Spirit-filled that you have ever attended or I will see that you get your money back! No questions asked! 

The next Wisconsin retreat is September 16-18 at the Mackenzie Center just north of Poynette.  You can find more information at: http://www.lutheranmeninmission.org/events/oytl.html. Mark it down on your calendar today.

God bless you -- and keep moving forward -- spiritually as well as physically!

Talking About Pornography

The subject today is pornography. When Sabine and I taught The Marriage Course a few years ago we said that a man’s problem in marriage was pornography and a woman’s problem was with fantasy. I told the men that pornography causes us to objectify women and that when we are into pornography our wives often feel betrayed and disregarded.


But at the time, it didn’t seem to me at the time that is was such a big problem. I mean, just don't do it. But I was wrong. A great number (most?) men struggle today with pornography. Why? Because of its easy availability on the internet. If it wasn’t for the internet, most men would not want to be seen walking into an X-rated book store – their self-respect and the possibility of being seen by others used to make pornography difficult to obtain. Not so anymore. And why I know I was wrong about the danger of pornography came about after reading Dr. Norman Doidge’s book last week, The Brain That Changes Itself (Penguin Books, 2007).

The chief danger of pornography isn’t obvious to most users at first. After all, what can it hurt? The hurt is that your brain is changed due to the intense stimulation of its reward circuitry -- a portion of the ancient “mammalian brain” which lies under your so-called rational brain. This part of our brain governs our emotions, things like mating and eating. It runs on a neurochemical called dopamine. And we like it when it is released. This also covers addictions to things like drugs, slot machines and many video games. All this is so enticing to this primitive part of our brain, that compulsion can become a risk. After all, our brains evolved to light up when we experience these stimulations.

And internet porn can light up those lights with its offer of new partners begging for new and exciting experiences at each mouse click. And as the seeking evolves, our brains become re-wired for more and more of it. This is the same brain that evolved to drive us toward good things for our survival: seeking food and populating our species. So we seem to be especially vulnerable to both super-stimulating sexual arousal and junk food. (By the way, junk food has helped make over 60 percent of us overweight (and half of those to obesity) – again, it hits our pleasure spot.

How pervasive is porn? Last year a professor in Canada had to revise his study about the effects of porn because he couldn’t find any males on a large university campus that had not already experienced it – there were, literally, no “porn-virgins.”

Calling porn addictive like any other drug is not exaggerating the situation. Porn users can be actually lured and seduced into pornographic sessions that meet all the stimulating conditions in which their brains can be changed to want not only more of the present experience but more heightened experiences. Their brains are literally re-wired to want more and more of this experience.

Just look how much porn has changed. In my day, “soft porn” was naked women and “hard porn” was sexual intercourse. Soon soft porn became that which could be seen daily on television and the movies. There is a bit of hard porn today in seeing naked people engage in sex – though explicit actions are still reserved for hard porn. But in all this the question must be asked, “what’s next?” And what seems to be next is bondage, rape, sodomy, and bestiality – more and more in order to get the same stimulation (sound familiar?).

What happens negatively is that users substitute porn for their intimate relationships. Their reward circuitry no longer perceives an actual human relationship as worth the effort because the part of the brain that is affected can’t reason through it. The mammalian brain simply decides which option releases the most dopamine (pleasure) and it goes for it.

And as I mentioned, after a while, just like other addicts, the porn addict needs more and more and ends up finding pleasure only in the most bizarre and abnormal sexual practices. Eventually, over-stimulated men grow numb to life’s subtler pleasures, such as the charm of a real partners and the process of building a loving relationship. It simply takes too much time for pleasure when porn gives immediate results. What is going on is that brain changes have temporarily dimmed their capacity for enjoyment. And there begins the problem. Men caught in this cycle feel anxious, socially ill-at-ease, moody, despairing, and apathetic. And, until they re-boot their brains, life seems meaningless, but for the single-minded pursuit of hotter and hotter stimuli. As one man put it:

“With the magazines, porn use was a few times a week and I could basically regulate it. ‘Cause it wasn’t really that ‘special’. But when I entered the murky world of Internet porn, my brain had found something it just wanted more and more of…. I was out of control in less than 6 months. Years of mags: no problems. A few months of online porn: hooked!”

Often users don’t realize what they’re passing up until they give their brains a chance to return to equilibrium. For some, the lengthy withdrawal required to achieve this can be so agonizing (shakes, insomnia, despair, cravings, splitting headaches) that they feel trapped.

A world in which computer literate men run a considerable risk of compulsive porn use simply won’t be as happy as it could be nor is it what and who we were created to be. Those into porn generally have little time, sensitivity, or resolve for creativity, good causes, relationships, or nature’s pleasures. Let’s just face the fact it’s addictive behavior of a high order.

However, the following are some comments by men who have weaned themselves off their porn addiction:

“I feel again. I feel emotions again. My interest in women is heightened, my confidence is up and gives me motivation again. I’m 28 now and until the last couple of years I felt I had the maturity of a 15 year old. But as I heal and recover from this compulsion, I’ve felt emotions I’ve never had to deal with before. It has helped me grow up.”

“After a few days I noticed increased energy, increased attention, and higher self-esteem. After a month -- although it took several tries to get there -- those improvements were all through the roof. A couple of months later, I was having real sex. It is nice to get aroused by little things, like a revealing blouse or just a woman’s flowing, shiny hair and fragrance.”

“I have so much more energy, I’m less moody, I have more enthusiasm and motivation for work, I don’t feel drained all the time, and I feel a deeper sense of connection with everything around me. But the biggest change it has made is in my relationship. My girlfriend and I feel much closer to each other already.”

When it comes to sexually explicit materials, our society tends to get lost in debates about free speech, degree of obscenity, sexual repression, and harm to third parties. Maybe we should take a closer look at porn’s power to hijack our brains.

What to do if you are hooked? Get online and find help and/or see a therapist. Try googling “porn addiction” to start.

I can tell you that it if you are hooked on porn (just like any other addiction) it will not have a happy ending if you ignore it. Good luck and God bless you!

[Thanks to Marnia Robinson at http://www.alternet.org/sex/148399/how_porn_can_hijack_your_brain
for a good share of this material].

Keep a Holy Lent

I have been thinking a lot lately about spiritual growth (especially now that this is Lent). In the Anglican liturgy parishioners are encouraged to grow spiritually during these forty daysl with these words:

“I invite you, therefore, in the name of the Church, to the observance of a holy Lent, by self examination and repentance; by prayer, fasting, and self denial; and by reading and meditating on God’s holy Word. And, to make a right beginning of repentance…”

So it's about SELF-EXAMINATION, REPENTENCE, and ACTS (prayer, fasting, self-denial, reading the Bible, and meditating on it). 

But HOW do we do that in the world of worry, fear, stress, and over-whelming commitments? How do we keep a Holy Lent or Holy Anything?

Let me be bold and make a prescription for you (like a physician does).  For when we have a physical ailment, we seek a prescription.   And here is a prescription for our spiritual illnesses -- a way in which you can begin to live a calmer, more centered, and healthier life.

1. MEDITATION. Each morning spend no less than 10 minutes quietly sitting in a comfortable chair before you begin your day. (Do NOT listen to the daily news before you do this!)  During this time, center yourself. Receive God’s blessing. Be a Light to others this day. Think positively. Be thankful.  Ask God to help you get rid of things like discouragement and irritation in your life and replace them with graciousness and patience.

2. WORSHIP. Devote time each week to more extensively give God thanks and praise for your life.  For some of you it will be church.  For others it may be centering yourself and being open to God's Spirit for 20 or more minutes.  Examine yourself, your calendar and your checkbook (where you have spent your time and money this past week). Ask God's help to remove envy, blame, judgment from your life; the things that rob you of life and joy.

3. STUDY. Commit yourself to a time of deep spiritual reading each week.  Turn off the television -- quietly read and meditate on what you have read.  List the three things that are most important to and then arrange your time and finances accordingly.

4. SELF-DENIAL. Identify your addictions.  We ALL have one or more addictions to something. For example, alcohol, drugs, spending, gambling, eating, smoking, pornography, work, and so forth.  Identify and get a handle on your addictions.  Use prayer, self-help, and/or organized group to help you.  It is diffcult, if not impossible, to get rid of an deep addiction all by yourself.  Get help! (Remember: it takes 5-6 weeks to begin to get rid of a bad habit and an equal time to imprint a new and more positive one).

In the name of God, I invite you to a full and abundant life and to be the person God created YOU to be (and not someone else -- but that's a topic for another posting!).

Blessings!