What's a Christian to Do?

Thomas Merton once wisely observed that “every person becomes the image of the God they adore.” This is why two people who say they follow and love the same God can find themselves in total opposition to one another. And it says a lot about what’s going on today with regard to many of the important issues facing us today like famine, war and who’s IN and who’s OUT of God’s Kingdom!


Last Saturday the Governor of Texas participated in a huge prayer and fasting day at the Reliant Stadium in Houston. At first look, that would be something I normally would be interested in. Who can be against prayer and fasting? Our scriptures certainly recommend both practices for God-followers. But some political reporters saw this as something else -- a step toward the Republican presidential nomination.

But aside from the politics of the event, I have to ask who’s in and who’s out? While we Christians share these two practices (prayer and fasting) with most all of the world’s enduring religions, the conference was organized by the American Family Association which, in the past, has tended to be very conservative in its views regarding women, gays, illegal immigrants, and non-Christians, and especially Muslims. They have tended to be quite strident regarding who they think is IN the Kingdom of God and who is not.

And while the conference said it was “non-denominational,” the agenda and focus was overtly Christian and would not have been a place where Jews or Muslims would be comfortable. So, in effect, “all faiths” were not welcome and biblical mandate toward hospitality was not a dominant theme of the day.

So in this contentious, multi-cultural, racial world in which we live, how is a Christ-follower to approach events like this? How can we talk about faith in God and be hospitable to others? I have to say “warily!” I don’t mind (and have participated in) strong, Christ-centered events (like the Alpha Course and the “One Year To Live” men’s retreats). But in these cases it is clear who is sponsoring the event and who is being proclaimed. Those who sponsor the events in which I participate do not conceal the purpose of the events – to call people into a closer relationship with God through Jesus Christ. And when I participate in an inter-faith event, I try to be hospitable to those who don't share the same beliefs about Jesus that I have; instead, I stress our commonality -- our love and adoration of a living, creating, just and loving God.

I am opposed to events that claim to be inter-denominational, or inter-faith, and are clearly not. I am opposed to events that cut across my understanding of God; a God who is loving, kind, compassionate and calls ALL of us into a deeper relationship with each other and with God.

So events or people that stress practices, policies, statements that drive people apart; the differences between us rather than the fact ALL of us are created in the image of God -- I choose to stay away.

A Christian today must be a discerning disciple of Jesus. A Jesus who told us to love one another and God as deeply as we love ourselves, who always had a preference for the poor and socially disadvantaged, who walked the earth with great humility, forgiveness, openness, integrity, authenticity, and lovingkindness.

When Jesus did this, those around him saw God with greater clarity. They were healed. Their lives transformed!

When we try to act and be more like Jesus we can become more like the God we say we adore! And it will be evident to others.

Brothers and sisters, of course “it ain’t easy.” We all are a work-in-progress and the practice of Christianity today in our American culture is more about dogged, loving persistence than about dogma or even theology. So, let's start being sensitive to others in the world. Jesus died for them, too!

The Wild Goose

John Buchanan, editor of “Christian Century,” was recently in South America. And it was there that he had a remarkable encounter with the Holy Spirit. Buchanan also serves as a seminary professor and it was in this role that he was asked to meet with a number of local pastors. The meeting was to be late one night (it had to be so because every one of the pastors wishing to meet with him were “tent-makers;’” that is, they, like St Paul, had full-time day jobs in addition to their church duties. Their seminary was in a small room. And it solely consisted of hundreds of tape-recorded sermons by senior pastors. These recordings were sent out to others pastors throughout the country (most of whom were illiterate). This was their seminary. The teaching they received was solely by the spoken word. This was the way there were being developed into competent shepherds of Christ’s flock. This was how they learned about God, how to lead a congregation, and preach God’s Word.


Buchanan remarked that all they had were these recordings (the spoken Word of God) and the Holy Spirit. It turned out that this was more than enough. Just like Jesus said, it is the Holy Spirit who will teach us after he leaves us (Jn 14:26) and it is his Spirit that will permit those of us who follow him to do “ever greater” things than he did (Jn 14:26).

These faithful pastors had no prayer book, no “rules and regulations,” nothing that we would call “expected and necessary order and discipline.” They just follower the biblical accounts and baptized new believers, taught and led them.

They had one big thing and it was enough – they had God’s Spirit!

Those of us in the orderly (and often spiritually vacant) Western branch of Christianity, would, of course, be shocked by what we would see as the inadequacy of such a system. But the reality of life in the world today outside of our little part of the world is that this IS the Church of Jesus and it is the Church that the early followers of Jesus developed. After all, it was this way for the first 400 years of the Way of Jesus. The fact is that it worked then and it still works today! And as long as we run from, avoid, and diminish the work of God’s Spirit in the world, we will remain far from the powerful work that the Spirit could do in our own lives and in our own church!

So what does this mean to us who worship and live in the “organized Church”? Is there any application of, or lesson regarding, what God is dynamically doing in South America, Asia and Africa?

I think it’s this. We are all too “orderly” regarding the message of God in Christ. In our culture we all deeply love and respect order, intellect, restraint, and emotional control. We are a rational people and the idea of a Holy Spirit is almost too much for us to ponder let alone experience!

The Spirit of God that permeates both the Hebrew and Christian scriptures is more like how the Celts described him/her: to them God’s Spirit was a “wild goose” not a gentle dove. God’s Spirit is wild, “blows where it will,” and does jaw-dropping, stunning miracles, and indelibly transforms lives. He/She is the creating, healing, teaching, strengthening, and resurrecting force of God in the world – something for which we need to reckon.

As you and I journey in faith, I pray that each one of us can come “nose to nose” with God’s Spirit – with that Wild Goose. It can happen. And it can dramatically change our lives. All we have to do is be open to this powerful possibility. Open to being touched, changed, and blessed by the God who reaches out. The God who is a wild Spirit. Go for it! Pray for it. Grasp it!

This is what you shall do...

For today, a poem by Walt Whitman...

This is what you shall do

"This is what you shall do; Love the earth and sun and the animals, despise riches, give alms to every one that asks, stand up for the stupid and crazy, devote your income and labor to others, hate tyrants, argue not concerning God, have patience and indulgence toward the people, take off your hat to nothing known or unknown or to any man or number of men, go freely with powerful uneducated persons and with the young and with the mothers of families, read these leaves in the open air every season of every year of your life, re-examine all you have been told at school or church or in any book, dismiss whatever insults your own soul, and your very flesh shall be a great poem and have the richest fluency not only in its words but in the silent lines of its lips and face and between the lashes of your eyes and in every motion and joint of your body."

[From the preface of Leaves of Grass. Public domain]

Hearing God in Silence – A Reflection

Earlier this week, I went on an overnight retreat with four other clergy at Sinsinawa; a huge convent in Southwestern Wisconsin run by the Dominican sisters. I already knew two of the men I was with very well (we had been on and worked the One Year to Live Retreat together), but while I had heard good things about the two new men who would be joining us, our paths had never crossed.

Like any new group, it takes a while to get to know one another. So how did we do that? Each member of the group told their “call” story; a little about their life and how they found Jesus. Where they are “at” today. And what have been times of pain and disappointment in our lives – and the joys as well. This, of course, took time. But time well spent.

What was our purpose in getting together? To listen. To listen to each other -- but most importantly to listen for God; what God might have to say to us. We talked. We listened. We prayed. We sang songs (one of the guys had a guitar!). Interestingly, our ages ran from 30 to 70s – meaning that each one of us had our own decade: 30s, 40s, 50s. 60s, and 70s. But no one heard anything.

At the same time, we all were worried about the church – her future, declining attendance, missing generations, etc. We all were church leaders, activists for Jesus, and used to getting things done. Still, we listened -- and heard nothing! God, what is going on? Speak to us, where are you? Can’t you hear us, those who faithfully serve you! (a lament psalm in making?). But God was still silent. And I, for one, agonized about it.

Finally, we all headed for bed around 10 p.m. that night (I was tired!). But I couldn’t get to sleep. I kept on waking up. Now what is it God? Then I began to hear in my head a praise song that was on my ipod: “The Name of the Lord Be Praised.” Again, and again. “The name of the Lord be praise-ed! Right now!” I couldn’t sleep. I tossed and turned and finally got up about 4 a.m. and had some “coffee-time with Jesus” (my morning prayer).

I sat in the beautiful chapel at Sinsinawa and saw the sun rise and penetrate the multicolored mosaic windows that surrounded it. It seemed that no one else in the building was awake yet. “The name of the Lord be praised…” Then God’s Word came to me. Silently sitting there as a new day dawned, God spoke, “It’s okay. It’s enough.”

What do you mean, God, “it’s okay?” There’s so much work to do to save our churches, make disciples for your Son. And those people in our congregations who don’t seem to get it! Don’t tell me, it’s okay, God! And, by the way, how could we be enough? We are broken men, sinners, strugglers, egotists, and a heck of a lot worse. How could we be enough?

As I sat there arguing with God I realized that it is OKAY! And the other thing I realized is that we ARE enough! Our job as Jesus’ disciples is to tend the garden, God will provide seed and water. We are not God because YOU ARE GOD and you will do what needs to be done. While you love and continue to call us we are not to be supermen for Jesus, but simply faithful workers in the garden.

Whew! It was such a blessing to receive this as we approach the Day of Pentecost; that day when a bunch of broken God-followers were sitting there waiting for Jesus and nearly got their socks blown off! I bet they thought it wasn’t okay (where in the heck was Jesus and why did he leave us here alone). Swooosh, bang, fire! God said, I will fill you up, love you to pieces, give you strength during the adversities to come, teach you, put the Word in your mouth, and all this will come from the “swoosh-bang-fire” Helper – God’s Spirit. It’s not up to you, it’s up to me – it’s okay, you’re enough -- do you believe this?”

I had to leave early to get back home and oversee Sabine’s dialysis. I haven’t talked to my brothers on that retreat yet as to what they heard. But I got so excited on the way home, I texted them the following message. “A Word: It’s okay; it’s enough!” I am anxious to hear what they heard on that high sacred mound; a mound in which eagles frequently fly…

Yes, Lord, I believe you are the One, the One in the world, the One who knows it’s okay and that we are enough! AMEN

The Importance of Practice

If there is one thing I have learned in life it is this: spiritual growth is directly related to one's practice!  The concept of practice is something I learned from my Buddhist brothers and sisters.  Practice is the training a person needs to grow and improve.  You don't train, you don't get better -- you don't improve.

A practice does not have to be a herculean effort, it just needs to be able to be accomplish-able without grinding you down.  The danger is that most of us start out with a goal that is too big -- for example, let's say you have a goal to enter and to finish the Ironman Triathalon in Hawaii.  Now if you haven't been training by swimming, biking and running the kind of distances required by this lofty physical event, you'd better not enter it.  Maybe you have just set your sights too high. Instead, how about a local event that offers lesser distances than the 2.4 miles of swimming, 112 miles biking and 26.2 miles of running?  Locally, lesser distances are usually offered. But even if you choose to enter locally, you've got to train before you enter the game!

Now let's compare this with our spirituality (or in my tradition, my Christian "practice"). Most of us begin the our practice without thinking about training and preparation.  We set a goal too high. Then we give up feeling like a failure. So, how does one properly do spiritual training -- to begin a "practice"?

For me, my spiritual training (just like my physical training) is regular, planned, and incremental. I know that if I am going to either grow or be sustained in my faith, I need to train on those things that will help me on my spiritual journey without burning me out. Just like you can over-train physically, you can over-practice spiritually.

In my case, I have four basic spiritual "practices:" 1) daily reading of scripture, 2) prayer for my friends and family, 3) thanksgiving to God for what I have, and 4) time sitting alone in silence in order to listen for God. (I also must admit that I have scratch paper and a pen nearby! -- for both my thoughts and God's!).

This practice generally takes 20-30 minutes and then I often supplement this by listening to my ipod when I take my morning one-hour walk (it contains a mixture of contemporary praise music and Gregorian chant).

This is what I feel maintains my spirituality, my connection with God -- just like that one-hour of physical exercise six days a week maintains my physical health and aerobic capacity to do other things in my life that I like to do (such as cycling, skiing, snowshoeing and kayaking).

So that's it in a nutshell; that's my practice.  And now I encourage you to develop your own spiritual practice.  Start out slow (remember, you don't get in condition to run a marathon by starting out running big distances) -- start slow, build up!

BLESSINGS!

Are You "On Mission"?

When some of my friends get together who have shared the “One Year to Live” weekend retreat we ask about each other’s mission. What is your mission? And what percent of your time since we last met have you been “on mission?”

So what is a mission? Remember the old television series, “Mission Impossible”? Peter Graves played the team leader. Each week he got a message about a mission (a tape message that would automatically destroy itself after being played!). It gave Peter Graves a mission – always a tough, almost impossible) mission. In the mission message was always the qualification, “should you accept this mission…” meaning that he could say no to. Of course, he never did. Graves always accepted the mission and always completed it! Wouldn’t that be nice if life was so easy? But if we never thought about what our mission in life was would we ever be able to accomplish the things we thought are important in life? Would we then just muddle through our years? Many folks do.

Think about these three mission questions: WHO are you? WHY do you exist? HOW are you going to live this life? This is identity, mission, and action! And when it comes to a life-mission, you do have a choice as to whether or not you are going to identify your mission in life and whether or not you will work to make life happen the way you wish it would. Because a lot about mission is about vision – a vision for your future. In the wisdom literature of the Psalms it is written: “without vision, the people perish.”

Think about WHO you are. Your identity. Is it as a father, mother, spouse, friend, a beloved child of God, a person with a positive self-concept?

WHY you exist. Your vision. Is it to do good in the world, to love family, friends and neighbors, to make a difference, to be a loving parent, a good spouse, a faithful friend?

HOW you are going to live this life. Your actions. Is it to maintain a life-long, loving marriage, strong personal relationships, a successful life at work, helping others whenever you have the opportunity?

Almost every successful human endeavor has a mission. I think individuals need them, too. What is your mission in life? Is it worth reflecting on and taking some time to develop? Is it worth reviewing from time to time? Is it worth sharing with the most important people in your life so that you keep on task – on mission and are living with integrity?

Maybe one way to start is to identify the three to five most important things you value in your life – things you deeply and strongly hold in the core of your being. Write them down. Now ponder them and then write down the things you are actually doing to make these important values real in your life. We may say we want to be wealthy, healthy, have a happy marriage, raise loving and successful children and so forth. But when we look at what we are actively DOING – where are spending our time and money – the actions we are living don’t seem to fit with the values we say are important.

So here’s an action plan: Draw up your own mission statement. Then invite one or two or your closest friends to talk about what they see as their mission in life. Ask them to join you in writing out a mission statement and sharing it regarding WHO they are, WHY they exist, and HOW they are living this life. Then meet again and share these statements with one another and then honestly look for the “beef”: where you all are spending your time and money.

I can assure you that it will be time well spent. And if your spouse is not in that “close friend” group, include him or her by sharing what you have written. Then give it the test. Ask your best friend: Do the things I am doing support that values that I say are important to me?

Good luck – and don’t forget to put some prayer into this – pray for honesty, insight, and, yes, courage!

Leaky Skins

Is it time to find new "wineskins?"  Jesus told us to put new wine into new skins because if we used the old skins for new wine they would burst (Matthew 9, Mark 2, and Luke 5).  Every vintner of his day knew this.  They knew the difference between old and new wine.

I have to admit that I see leaders of Christ's church today as sitting on a vat of new ideas (wine) and looking for the new place (wine skins) to pour them into.  But they remain reluctant to do so because they fear of breaking their "old wineskin" church open.  In their hesitation, the church as we know it (and most others don't) chugs on week after week and year after year with its old, tasteless, and undesirable "wine."  The only folks drinking the old wine are those who have always drunk that wine, and who simply don't have a curiosity or taste for God's new wine.  It's familiar wine, but not the great wine of the Kingdom of God.  All this goes on while the "old tasters" pray and pray that their children and grandchildren will somehow come and find the Jesus who, at Canaan, turned water into the very best wine imaginable.  But forward, Kingdom-thinking church leaders today know that the Jesus wine can't be served because it is too dangerous -- too explosive!

What is it that God expects of us?  Serve the new or stay with the old?  I suggest that God expects us to put the new wine of Jesus into new communities of people and invite those who love the old tasteless wine to join the party!  The new ideas that Jesus brought to us and taught us are still are new to most of his followers.  You and I know that to be a man or woman who actually follows Jesus is to be a cultural renegade -- a revolutionary wine taster!

So what is that which God asks?  God asks us to love God totally and to totally love other people that God has created -- our "neighbors" in the broadest of sense.

First, let's talk about that which God asks of us is NOT.  It is not using the majority of our "tithes/our giving" to maintain a building that is only used about 20% of the week.

It IS, however, about living in an authentic community/relationship with other Jesus followers and DOING Jesus to those outside this community.  It is serving and healing others while we, ourselves, grow more Christ-like; imitating Christ.  Inch by inch; day by day through the discipline of Christian living.  It is loving God through Jesus and letting our lives overflow and shine into the lives of others (mostly by not saying a word or getting in any one's face!).

This means we live a life of compassion, confession, forgiveness, and prayer -- and strive to see the face of Jesus in every other human being -- rich or poor, whatever race, ethnicity -- everyone!  We especially are called to not only see that Face but to especially serve those who are poor, ill, suffering, or in prison.

So, if this became the "church," the agenda, the practice (not the architecture) of a group of Jesus-followers how would that play out?  What would it look like?  But most importantly what would it BE and DO?

Brothers and sisters, this has been my spiritual/faith struggle.  I think I know what God wants of me, but I am too timid, too old, too insecure to act on it.  But if I were to actually PRACTICE my faith I would need a lot of prayer and support from others to do it.  I would need a lot of help from like-minded Jesus people who also find strength in community.

How would we begin?  Then how would we continue in this practice? About four centuries before Jesus, Aristotle (who also greatly informed Thomas Aquinas and other spiritual thinkers) said that it is not about what we do, but about the kind of person we become.

What do you think about all this?  What are your thoughts and about where the new wine should go?

Reflections On Another Great Men's Retreat

What in the world is God up to?  This is a question many of us ask after having experienced the "One Year To Live" weekend -- a Christian men's retreat sponsored by (would you believe it?) Lutherans!  If my denomination (Episcopals) or any other so-called "mainstream" Christian denomination sponsored this weekend I would be equally amazed.  But there is no doubt about what is going on -- IT IS OF GOD!

This past weekend I went on as a staff member to another retreat (my sixth) and heard this from a man who was in my small group,

"Before the retreat I would have said that I had been a Christian for forty years.  But after this retreat I realized I had spent those forty years sitting on the couch.  Now it's time to get up and go!"

We all need a spiritual tuneup from time to time -- otherwise we would remain "sitting on the couch" -- a spectator to the Jesus journey. There is a great similarity between our spiritual and our physical lives.  If we spend our life literally "sitting on the couch" we will some be visited by some people we quickly wish were not in our lives -- "Mr. Fat, Mr. Cholesterol, Mr. Stress, and Mr. Coronary Artery Disease!"

The same thing will happens to us if we just sit by and watch the practice of Christianity and not DO IT as Jesus would.  When we become a spiritual spectator rather than practitioner, we too, will visited by some unwelcome spiritual "visitors" who will not help us get to where we want to go in our spiritual life. 

In the absence of some kind of regular spiritual practice (like physical excercise), life will somewhat less than what it could be.  Jesus said he wanted us to have an "abundant life;" not just an ordinary, dull, and sedentary life.

What I again saw this weekend is not only God working powerfully among us and throughout our whole bodies, but I also how God sometimes breaks us open to teach us a deep spiritual lesson (and how God puts us back together again as well).  I guess I would call this the "humpty-dumpty" effect.  While all the king's horses and all the king's men couldn't put Humpty together again -- God does! 

For most of our lives, we men protect our selves at all costs (otherwise wouldn't we share our feelings more?).  And that protection of our hearts (our feelings) at all costs leads to tremendous damage to our most important relationships: wife, children, and friends. We have trouble connecting with them, telling them how much we love them -- telling our children we are proud of them and blessing them!

So, sometimes God uses us to show others our vulnerability.  I was in a hospital emergency room three years ago when Sabine was diagnosed with cancer.  It was then after weeks of ER runs and not knowing what was happening to her that I finally gave it up.  God broke me open; knocked me to my knees, as I finally admitted that I was no longer in control, that I deeply needed God -- that God was now in charge. I was no longer (nor did I want to be) the "captain of  my soul, the master of my fate."

It was a tremendously painful experience for me as I called one of my closest friends on the phone and sobbingly cried out, "I can't do it anymore.  I need help! Come down to the hospital!" And my friend and his wife came to my rescue.  God knew I needed help and I needed to be broken open before I realized it; before I willingly practiced what had been preaching -- "Let go and let God."  And from that "breaking open" also came God's repair and strengthening and the realization that I needed some strong, supportive and Godly men in my life.

Most of us realize this at one time or another in their lives.  I have come to realize that it is not my job to fix those men.  I can invite men to the weekend retreat, but it the next step is between them and their God).

Like the that wonderful hymn, "Amazing Grace," I know that "I once was blind, but now I see -- was lost but now am found."  It is a big step for a man to confess this.  For most of us it is a life-long process of seeing and finding.  And it is an open heart that leads us to do both.

Another powerful "fruit" of this weekend was to see a man stand up and ask to be baptized.  Over the three days, God opened and moved in this man's heart -- and on the last day of the retreat he was mightily baptized with his new-found brothers-in-Christ standing around him and agreeing to sponsor him.  I have come learn that few Christians today have ever seen an adult baptism!  Perhaps that is why it was so powerful!

So, again, have seen blessings, men touched by God, men moved by God to be better husbands, fathers and friends.  I have come to see that this is powerful spiritual work.  And as a priest and pastor, I will have to say that I have seen God most clearly during these weekends.

A lot of men ask me about the "agenda."  We don't publish or talk about the agenda because we want the weekend to special for each man.  Each one of us who have been through the retreat came because of one fact -- he trusted the man who asked him.  So I ask you, by trust, to come.  The reality is that you either trust me or not.  I pray that you do.

But I will give you more.  I will give you a guarantee that this men's retreat is the best, most Spirit-filled that you have ever attended or I will see that you get your money back! No questions asked! 

The next Wisconsin retreat is September 16-18 at the Mackenzie Center just north of Poynette.  You can find more information at: http://www.lutheranmeninmission.org/events/oytl.html. Mark it down on your calendar today.

God bless you -- and keep moving forward -- spiritually as well as physically!

Talking About Pornography

The subject today is pornography. When Sabine and I taught The Marriage Course a few years ago we said that a man’s problem in marriage was pornography and a woman’s problem was with fantasy. I told the men that pornography causes us to objectify women and that when we are into pornography our wives often feel betrayed and disregarded.


But at the time, it didn’t seem to me at the time that is was such a big problem. I mean, just don't do it. But I was wrong. A great number (most?) men struggle today with pornography. Why? Because of its easy availability on the internet. If it wasn’t for the internet, most men would not want to be seen walking into an X-rated book store – their self-respect and the possibility of being seen by others used to make pornography difficult to obtain. Not so anymore. And why I know I was wrong about the danger of pornography came about after reading Dr. Norman Doidge’s book last week, The Brain That Changes Itself (Penguin Books, 2007).

The chief danger of pornography isn’t obvious to most users at first. After all, what can it hurt? The hurt is that your brain is changed due to the intense stimulation of its reward circuitry -- a portion of the ancient “mammalian brain” which lies under your so-called rational brain. This part of our brain governs our emotions, things like mating and eating. It runs on a neurochemical called dopamine. And we like it when it is released. This also covers addictions to things like drugs, slot machines and many video games. All this is so enticing to this primitive part of our brain, that compulsion can become a risk. After all, our brains evolved to light up when we experience these stimulations.

And internet porn can light up those lights with its offer of new partners begging for new and exciting experiences at each mouse click. And as the seeking evolves, our brains become re-wired for more and more of it. This is the same brain that evolved to drive us toward good things for our survival: seeking food and populating our species. So we seem to be especially vulnerable to both super-stimulating sexual arousal and junk food. (By the way, junk food has helped make over 60 percent of us overweight (and half of those to obesity) – again, it hits our pleasure spot.

How pervasive is porn? Last year a professor in Canada had to revise his study about the effects of porn because he couldn’t find any males on a large university campus that had not already experienced it – there were, literally, no “porn-virgins.”

Calling porn addictive like any other drug is not exaggerating the situation. Porn users can be actually lured and seduced into pornographic sessions that meet all the stimulating conditions in which their brains can be changed to want not only more of the present experience but more heightened experiences. Their brains are literally re-wired to want more and more of this experience.

Just look how much porn has changed. In my day, “soft porn” was naked women and “hard porn” was sexual intercourse. Soon soft porn became that which could be seen daily on television and the movies. There is a bit of hard porn today in seeing naked people engage in sex – though explicit actions are still reserved for hard porn. But in all this the question must be asked, “what’s next?” And what seems to be next is bondage, rape, sodomy, and bestiality – more and more in order to get the same stimulation (sound familiar?).

What happens negatively is that users substitute porn for their intimate relationships. Their reward circuitry no longer perceives an actual human relationship as worth the effort because the part of the brain that is affected can’t reason through it. The mammalian brain simply decides which option releases the most dopamine (pleasure) and it goes for it.

And as I mentioned, after a while, just like other addicts, the porn addict needs more and more and ends up finding pleasure only in the most bizarre and abnormal sexual practices. Eventually, over-stimulated men grow numb to life’s subtler pleasures, such as the charm of a real partners and the process of building a loving relationship. It simply takes too much time for pleasure when porn gives immediate results. What is going on is that brain changes have temporarily dimmed their capacity for enjoyment. And there begins the problem. Men caught in this cycle feel anxious, socially ill-at-ease, moody, despairing, and apathetic. And, until they re-boot their brains, life seems meaningless, but for the single-minded pursuit of hotter and hotter stimuli. As one man put it:

“With the magazines, porn use was a few times a week and I could basically regulate it. ‘Cause it wasn’t really that ‘special’. But when I entered the murky world of Internet porn, my brain had found something it just wanted more and more of…. I was out of control in less than 6 months. Years of mags: no problems. A few months of online porn: hooked!”

Often users don’t realize what they’re passing up until they give their brains a chance to return to equilibrium. For some, the lengthy withdrawal required to achieve this can be so agonizing (shakes, insomnia, despair, cravings, splitting headaches) that they feel trapped.

A world in which computer literate men run a considerable risk of compulsive porn use simply won’t be as happy as it could be nor is it what and who we were created to be. Those into porn generally have little time, sensitivity, or resolve for creativity, good causes, relationships, or nature’s pleasures. Let’s just face the fact it’s addictive behavior of a high order.

However, the following are some comments by men who have weaned themselves off their porn addiction:

“I feel again. I feel emotions again. My interest in women is heightened, my confidence is up and gives me motivation again. I’m 28 now and until the last couple of years I felt I had the maturity of a 15 year old. But as I heal and recover from this compulsion, I’ve felt emotions I’ve never had to deal with before. It has helped me grow up.”

“After a few days I noticed increased energy, increased attention, and higher self-esteem. After a month -- although it took several tries to get there -- those improvements were all through the roof. A couple of months later, I was having real sex. It is nice to get aroused by little things, like a revealing blouse or just a woman’s flowing, shiny hair and fragrance.”

“I have so much more energy, I’m less moody, I have more enthusiasm and motivation for work, I don’t feel drained all the time, and I feel a deeper sense of connection with everything around me. But the biggest change it has made is in my relationship. My girlfriend and I feel much closer to each other already.”

When it comes to sexually explicit materials, our society tends to get lost in debates about free speech, degree of obscenity, sexual repression, and harm to third parties. Maybe we should take a closer look at porn’s power to hijack our brains.

What to do if you are hooked? Get online and find help and/or see a therapist. Try googling “porn addiction” to start.

I can tell you that it if you are hooked on porn (just like any other addiction) it will not have a happy ending if you ignore it. Good luck and God bless you!

[Thanks to Marnia Robinson at http://www.alternet.org/sex/148399/how_porn_can_hijack_your_brain
for a good share of this material].

Keep a Holy Lent

I have been thinking a lot lately about spiritual growth (especially now that this is Lent). In the Anglican liturgy parishioners are encouraged to grow spiritually during these forty daysl with these words:

“I invite you, therefore, in the name of the Church, to the observance of a holy Lent, by self examination and repentance; by prayer, fasting, and self denial; and by reading and meditating on God’s holy Word. And, to make a right beginning of repentance…”

So it's about SELF-EXAMINATION, REPENTENCE, and ACTS (prayer, fasting, self-denial, reading the Bible, and meditating on it). 

But HOW do we do that in the world of worry, fear, stress, and over-whelming commitments? How do we keep a Holy Lent or Holy Anything?

Let me be bold and make a prescription for you (like a physician does).  For when we have a physical ailment, we seek a prescription.   And here is a prescription for our spiritual illnesses -- a way in which you can begin to live a calmer, more centered, and healthier life.

1. MEDITATION. Each morning spend no less than 10 minutes quietly sitting in a comfortable chair before you begin your day. (Do NOT listen to the daily news before you do this!)  During this time, center yourself. Receive God’s blessing. Be a Light to others this day. Think positively. Be thankful.  Ask God to help you get rid of things like discouragement and irritation in your life and replace them with graciousness and patience.

2. WORSHIP. Devote time each week to more extensively give God thanks and praise for your life.  For some of you it will be church.  For others it may be centering yourself and being open to God's Spirit for 20 or more minutes.  Examine yourself, your calendar and your checkbook (where you have spent your time and money this past week). Ask God's help to remove envy, blame, judgment from your life; the things that rob you of life and joy.

3. STUDY. Commit yourself to a time of deep spiritual reading each week.  Turn off the television -- quietly read and meditate on what you have read.  List the three things that are most important to and then arrange your time and finances accordingly.

4. SELF-DENIAL. Identify your addictions.  We ALL have one or more addictions to something. For example, alcohol, drugs, spending, gambling, eating, smoking, pornography, work, and so forth.  Identify and get a handle on your addictions.  Use prayer, self-help, and/or organized group to help you.  It is diffcult, if not impossible, to get rid of an deep addiction all by yourself.  Get help! (Remember: it takes 5-6 weeks to begin to get rid of a bad habit and an equal time to imprint a new and more positive one).

In the name of God, I invite you to a full and abundant life and to be the person God created YOU to be (and not someone else -- but that's a topic for another posting!).

Blessings!

Seeking Justice: A Spiritual Practice

Police for Economic Justice and Collective Bargaining

“And the heavens proclaim God’s righteousness, for God is a God of justice”
(Psalm 50:6)







I have joined the ranks of the protesters. I do so because I believe God is a God of justice. The issue at hand is both simple and complex.

On one hand, our newly-elected governor is trying to balance the budget and reduce spending. He says this is why he was elected. But the primary way he appears to be doing is by forcing state and municipal employees to do four things: 1) and 2) contribute more money towards their health insurance and retirement accounts, 3) take a cut in wages and 4) agree to give up their right to collective bargaining.

As I see the issue unfold, workers are willing to do the first three things -- but not the fourth. Collective bargaining is a worker’s right that should never be surrendered or taken away. If money was the only issue on the table then the governor and legislature would have a deal. But money isn’t the only issue. The other issue is power – the power of an employer to hire and direct workers who, after this bill is passed, won’t have the right to meet with them regarding their “wages, hours and conditions of work.” And that, my friends, is an issue of justice and an issue of justice is a matter of one’s spirituality.

Last Saturday, while marching on the Capitol Square, I heard some counter-demonstrators shouting at the public employees: “We don’t have two weeks’ vacation, health insurance, or a retirement plan – why should you?” I think the response to this is simply, “You should!” Yes, every worker should have a paid vacation, health insurance, and a retirement plan as a matter of economic justice.

In a free society, even a society like ours with a capitalist economy, workers should never be treated as commodities – that is injustice. Workers are important resources that need to be treated with dignity, respect, listened to, and given the opportunity for personal growth in their work-life.

But more than that, collective bargaining is a human right. Our nation has led the way in developing a high-quality, educated workforce; that’s what gives us our economic advantage in the world. To step back and deny workers the right to collectively bargain is both short-sighted and wrong. Simply stated, the governor is wrong in trying to take away the right of workers to collectively bargain. Workers have the right to protest and even strike to assure this right is not taken away. People of faith, and belief in a God of justice, need to support them in this important struggle which is, essentially, a spiritual practice!

Visitations

A number of years ago, after my mother had died, I found myself questioning her relationship with the faith in which she was raised and raised my sister and me.  My mother was always quiet, complex, and guarded -- almost secretive. 

At the time she died, I was not yet a priest, yet my newly-recovered faith and theological studies caused my to have some concern about my mother's spiritual destiny; concerns I had yet to raise even with Sabine.

Then one night, some months after she had died, I suddenly was awaken by a real presence of my mother in my roon standing at the end of my bed and her voice saying, "It's okay, David." I suddenly woke up and felt great peace and a strengthening of my belief in the after-life.

Now, another grief, some three decades later.  This time it was an unexpected death -- my son, Matthew's suicide. Five months had passed since that tragic day.  Five long months, hundreds of family conversations, and at least a gallon or more of tears along with self-incrimination, guilt, sense of loss and overwhelming sadness.

Then it came.  Another night time "visitation" surprisingly similar.  Another dream. This time my son, who died in his early forties, appeared as a young boy, perhaps ten years of age.  He is wearing a striped t-shirt and shorts.  He stands in front of me, happy and peaceful; a smile on his face. He says to me, "it's okay, Dad, I know you love me!"  I am suddenly awake, tears streaming down my face. Yes, it is okay.  There is much more in both life and death than we can ever see.

Lazy Spirituality

Is there a spirituality of doing nothing? I think so. Because for the past few weeks that’s what I have been doing. I hope that the creation story about how God worked is a model for us as well -- six days of creative energy and then a day of rest -- a Sabbath. The Sabbath is Sunday for most Christians, Saturday for Jews and Friday for Muslims; while the day differs, the intent is still the same -- “on the seventh day, God rested” and so should we. But what if we rested more than one day a week? Is that okay?


Now I must admit that I have a tendency to work, work, and then over-work. Even in my so-called “retirement” I continued to work. Iwent off to seminary. Worked as a parish priest. Even after Sabine got sick, I dove into writing. “Moss doesn’t grow on a rolling stone,” I remember my grandmother saying. Work is what we do.

But is there anything worthwhile, redeemable, in totally doing nothing? Sitting back, rocking on the porch, fishing, just hanging out? Are we called to be productive with the lives God has given us ALL the time? It seems that work takes up more than half of our waking hours. Maybe we have over-done it and we need to balance our days along the Rule of Benedict: equal amounts of prayer, study, and work during the day?

I have been on “vacation” for the past two weeks now. I haven’t done much: visited my children and grandchildren for a couple of days, visited some friends of ours in Orlando (yes, we did go to the Café Tu Tu Tango and act a little crazy!). But it’s vacation, right? Vacating ourselves from daily tasks and, in our case, as it turned out, from the Great Blizzard of 2011!

Now as we enter the last week of our vacation we have set aside this time at the beach for just the two of us -- just basking in each other’s presence. Enjoying one another. This is what I love about vacation is that we can really focus on one another. In order to do this, I vowed to finish my book before we went on vacation (and I did!) so Sabine would have a relaxed (and less obsessive) vacation partner. That helped a lot.

And now as we continue our daily regimen of getting up early, taking a long walk on the beach, coming back for breakfast and then dialysis, life has greatly slowed down. Afternoons are just as lazy, a nap, some reading, and then maybe a play at the Barn Theater in nearby Stuart.

Maybe it’s because of the cancer that we have been more focused on “carpe diem” -- seizing the day and on living life to its fullest. But then I think we were always like this (though I am probably wrong in my recollection). We don’t know how much time we have together (but then you don’t either, do you?) and we are totally committed (body and soul) to our relationship that is now on its 30th year. It’s been a good and full life. Every day now is a magnificent gift from God.

At the same time, I am sure that God understands that for the past couple of weeks I have rested for about six days and only “worked” about one. I know God is merciful, forgiving, and loving. I am sure she understands.