Reflections On Another Great Men's Retreat

What in the world is God up to?  This is a question many of us ask after having experienced the "One Year To Live" weekend -- a Christian men's retreat sponsored by (would you believe it?) Lutherans!  If my denomination (Episcopals) or any other so-called "mainstream" Christian denomination sponsored this weekend I would be equally amazed.  But there is no doubt about what is going on -- IT IS OF GOD!

This past weekend I went on as a staff member to another retreat (my sixth) and heard this from a man who was in my small group,

"Before the retreat I would have said that I had been a Christian for forty years.  But after this retreat I realized I had spent those forty years sitting on the couch.  Now it's time to get up and go!"

We all need a spiritual tuneup from time to time -- otherwise we would remain "sitting on the couch" -- a spectator to the Jesus journey. There is a great similarity between our spiritual and our physical lives.  If we spend our life literally "sitting on the couch" we will some be visited by some people we quickly wish were not in our lives -- "Mr. Fat, Mr. Cholesterol, Mr. Stress, and Mr. Coronary Artery Disease!"

The same thing will happens to us if we just sit by and watch the practice of Christianity and not DO IT as Jesus would.  When we become a spiritual spectator rather than practitioner, we too, will visited by some unwelcome spiritual "visitors" who will not help us get to where we want to go in our spiritual life. 

In the absence of some kind of regular spiritual practice (like physical excercise), life will somewhat less than what it could be.  Jesus said he wanted us to have an "abundant life;" not just an ordinary, dull, and sedentary life.

What I again saw this weekend is not only God working powerfully among us and throughout our whole bodies, but I also how God sometimes breaks us open to teach us a deep spiritual lesson (and how God puts us back together again as well).  I guess I would call this the "humpty-dumpty" effect.  While all the king's horses and all the king's men couldn't put Humpty together again -- God does! 

For most of our lives, we men protect our selves at all costs (otherwise wouldn't we share our feelings more?).  And that protection of our hearts (our feelings) at all costs leads to tremendous damage to our most important relationships: wife, children, and friends. We have trouble connecting with them, telling them how much we love them -- telling our children we are proud of them and blessing them!

So, sometimes God uses us to show others our vulnerability.  I was in a hospital emergency room three years ago when Sabine was diagnosed with cancer.  It was then after weeks of ER runs and not knowing what was happening to her that I finally gave it up.  God broke me open; knocked me to my knees, as I finally admitted that I was no longer in control, that I deeply needed God -- that God was now in charge. I was no longer (nor did I want to be) the "captain of  my soul, the master of my fate."

It was a tremendously painful experience for me as I called one of my closest friends on the phone and sobbingly cried out, "I can't do it anymore.  I need help! Come down to the hospital!" And my friend and his wife came to my rescue.  God knew I needed help and I needed to be broken open before I realized it; before I willingly practiced what had been preaching -- "Let go and let God."  And from that "breaking open" also came God's repair and strengthening and the realization that I needed some strong, supportive and Godly men in my life.

Most of us realize this at one time or another in their lives.  I have come to realize that it is not my job to fix those men.  I can invite men to the weekend retreat, but it the next step is between them and their God).

Like the that wonderful hymn, "Amazing Grace," I know that "I once was blind, but now I see -- was lost but now am found."  It is a big step for a man to confess this.  For most of us it is a life-long process of seeing and finding.  And it is an open heart that leads us to do both.

Another powerful "fruit" of this weekend was to see a man stand up and ask to be baptized.  Over the three days, God opened and moved in this man's heart -- and on the last day of the retreat he was mightily baptized with his new-found brothers-in-Christ standing around him and agreeing to sponsor him.  I have come learn that few Christians today have ever seen an adult baptism!  Perhaps that is why it was so powerful!

So, again, have seen blessings, men touched by God, men moved by God to be better husbands, fathers and friends.  I have come to see that this is powerful spiritual work.  And as a priest and pastor, I will have to say that I have seen God most clearly during these weekends.

A lot of men ask me about the "agenda."  We don't publish or talk about the agenda because we want the weekend to special for each man.  Each one of us who have been through the retreat came because of one fact -- he trusted the man who asked him.  So I ask you, by trust, to come.  The reality is that you either trust me or not.  I pray that you do.

But I will give you more.  I will give you a guarantee that this men's retreat is the best, most Spirit-filled that you have ever attended or I will see that you get your money back! No questions asked! 

The next Wisconsin retreat is September 16-18 at the Mackenzie Center just north of Poynette.  You can find more information at: http://www.lutheranmeninmission.org/events/oytl.html. Mark it down on your calendar today.

God bless you -- and keep moving forward -- spiritually as well as physically!

Talking About Pornography

The subject today is pornography. When Sabine and I taught The Marriage Course a few years ago we said that a man’s problem in marriage was pornography and a woman’s problem was with fantasy. I told the men that pornography causes us to objectify women and that when we are into pornography our wives often feel betrayed and disregarded.


But at the time, it didn’t seem to me at the time that is was such a big problem. I mean, just don't do it. But I was wrong. A great number (most?) men struggle today with pornography. Why? Because of its easy availability on the internet. If it wasn’t for the internet, most men would not want to be seen walking into an X-rated book store – their self-respect and the possibility of being seen by others used to make pornography difficult to obtain. Not so anymore. And why I know I was wrong about the danger of pornography came about after reading Dr. Norman Doidge’s book last week, The Brain That Changes Itself (Penguin Books, 2007).

The chief danger of pornography isn’t obvious to most users at first. After all, what can it hurt? The hurt is that your brain is changed due to the intense stimulation of its reward circuitry -- a portion of the ancient “mammalian brain” which lies under your so-called rational brain. This part of our brain governs our emotions, things like mating and eating. It runs on a neurochemical called dopamine. And we like it when it is released. This also covers addictions to things like drugs, slot machines and many video games. All this is so enticing to this primitive part of our brain, that compulsion can become a risk. After all, our brains evolved to light up when we experience these stimulations.

And internet porn can light up those lights with its offer of new partners begging for new and exciting experiences at each mouse click. And as the seeking evolves, our brains become re-wired for more and more of it. This is the same brain that evolved to drive us toward good things for our survival: seeking food and populating our species. So we seem to be especially vulnerable to both super-stimulating sexual arousal and junk food. (By the way, junk food has helped make over 60 percent of us overweight (and half of those to obesity) – again, it hits our pleasure spot.

How pervasive is porn? Last year a professor in Canada had to revise his study about the effects of porn because he couldn’t find any males on a large university campus that had not already experienced it – there were, literally, no “porn-virgins.”

Calling porn addictive like any other drug is not exaggerating the situation. Porn users can be actually lured and seduced into pornographic sessions that meet all the stimulating conditions in which their brains can be changed to want not only more of the present experience but more heightened experiences. Their brains are literally re-wired to want more and more of this experience.

Just look how much porn has changed. In my day, “soft porn” was naked women and “hard porn” was sexual intercourse. Soon soft porn became that which could be seen daily on television and the movies. There is a bit of hard porn today in seeing naked people engage in sex – though explicit actions are still reserved for hard porn. But in all this the question must be asked, “what’s next?” And what seems to be next is bondage, rape, sodomy, and bestiality – more and more in order to get the same stimulation (sound familiar?).

What happens negatively is that users substitute porn for their intimate relationships. Their reward circuitry no longer perceives an actual human relationship as worth the effort because the part of the brain that is affected can’t reason through it. The mammalian brain simply decides which option releases the most dopamine (pleasure) and it goes for it.

And as I mentioned, after a while, just like other addicts, the porn addict needs more and more and ends up finding pleasure only in the most bizarre and abnormal sexual practices. Eventually, over-stimulated men grow numb to life’s subtler pleasures, such as the charm of a real partners and the process of building a loving relationship. It simply takes too much time for pleasure when porn gives immediate results. What is going on is that brain changes have temporarily dimmed their capacity for enjoyment. And there begins the problem. Men caught in this cycle feel anxious, socially ill-at-ease, moody, despairing, and apathetic. And, until they re-boot their brains, life seems meaningless, but for the single-minded pursuit of hotter and hotter stimuli. As one man put it:

“With the magazines, porn use was a few times a week and I could basically regulate it. ‘Cause it wasn’t really that ‘special’. But when I entered the murky world of Internet porn, my brain had found something it just wanted more and more of…. I was out of control in less than 6 months. Years of mags: no problems. A few months of online porn: hooked!”

Often users don’t realize what they’re passing up until they give their brains a chance to return to equilibrium. For some, the lengthy withdrawal required to achieve this can be so agonizing (shakes, insomnia, despair, cravings, splitting headaches) that they feel trapped.

A world in which computer literate men run a considerable risk of compulsive porn use simply won’t be as happy as it could be nor is it what and who we were created to be. Those into porn generally have little time, sensitivity, or resolve for creativity, good causes, relationships, or nature’s pleasures. Let’s just face the fact it’s addictive behavior of a high order.

However, the following are some comments by men who have weaned themselves off their porn addiction:

“I feel again. I feel emotions again. My interest in women is heightened, my confidence is up and gives me motivation again. I’m 28 now and until the last couple of years I felt I had the maturity of a 15 year old. But as I heal and recover from this compulsion, I’ve felt emotions I’ve never had to deal with before. It has helped me grow up.”

“After a few days I noticed increased energy, increased attention, and higher self-esteem. After a month -- although it took several tries to get there -- those improvements were all through the roof. A couple of months later, I was having real sex. It is nice to get aroused by little things, like a revealing blouse or just a woman’s flowing, shiny hair and fragrance.”

“I have so much more energy, I’m less moody, I have more enthusiasm and motivation for work, I don’t feel drained all the time, and I feel a deeper sense of connection with everything around me. But the biggest change it has made is in my relationship. My girlfriend and I feel much closer to each other already.”

When it comes to sexually explicit materials, our society tends to get lost in debates about free speech, degree of obscenity, sexual repression, and harm to third parties. Maybe we should take a closer look at porn’s power to hijack our brains.

What to do if you are hooked? Get online and find help and/or see a therapist. Try googling “porn addiction” to start.

I can tell you that it if you are hooked on porn (just like any other addiction) it will not have a happy ending if you ignore it. Good luck and God bless you!

[Thanks to Marnia Robinson at http://www.alternet.org/sex/148399/how_porn_can_hijack_your_brain
for a good share of this material].

Keep a Holy Lent

I have been thinking a lot lately about spiritual growth (especially now that this is Lent). In the Anglican liturgy parishioners are encouraged to grow spiritually during these forty daysl with these words:

“I invite you, therefore, in the name of the Church, to the observance of a holy Lent, by self examination and repentance; by prayer, fasting, and self denial; and by reading and meditating on God’s holy Word. And, to make a right beginning of repentance…”

So it's about SELF-EXAMINATION, REPENTENCE, and ACTS (prayer, fasting, self-denial, reading the Bible, and meditating on it). 

But HOW do we do that in the world of worry, fear, stress, and over-whelming commitments? How do we keep a Holy Lent or Holy Anything?

Let me be bold and make a prescription for you (like a physician does).  For when we have a physical ailment, we seek a prescription.   And here is a prescription for our spiritual illnesses -- a way in which you can begin to live a calmer, more centered, and healthier life.

1. MEDITATION. Each morning spend no less than 10 minutes quietly sitting in a comfortable chair before you begin your day. (Do NOT listen to the daily news before you do this!)  During this time, center yourself. Receive God’s blessing. Be a Light to others this day. Think positively. Be thankful.  Ask God to help you get rid of things like discouragement and irritation in your life and replace them with graciousness and patience.

2. WORSHIP. Devote time each week to more extensively give God thanks and praise for your life.  For some of you it will be church.  For others it may be centering yourself and being open to God's Spirit for 20 or more minutes.  Examine yourself, your calendar and your checkbook (where you have spent your time and money this past week). Ask God's help to remove envy, blame, judgment from your life; the things that rob you of life and joy.

3. STUDY. Commit yourself to a time of deep spiritual reading each week.  Turn off the television -- quietly read and meditate on what you have read.  List the three things that are most important to and then arrange your time and finances accordingly.

4. SELF-DENIAL. Identify your addictions.  We ALL have one or more addictions to something. For example, alcohol, drugs, spending, gambling, eating, smoking, pornography, work, and so forth.  Identify and get a handle on your addictions.  Use prayer, self-help, and/or organized group to help you.  It is diffcult, if not impossible, to get rid of an deep addiction all by yourself.  Get help! (Remember: it takes 5-6 weeks to begin to get rid of a bad habit and an equal time to imprint a new and more positive one).

In the name of God, I invite you to a full and abundant life and to be the person God created YOU to be (and not someone else -- but that's a topic for another posting!).

Blessings!

Seeking Justice: A Spiritual Practice

Police for Economic Justice and Collective Bargaining

“And the heavens proclaim God’s righteousness, for God is a God of justice”
(Psalm 50:6)







I have joined the ranks of the protesters. I do so because I believe God is a God of justice. The issue at hand is both simple and complex.

On one hand, our newly-elected governor is trying to balance the budget and reduce spending. He says this is why he was elected. But the primary way he appears to be doing is by forcing state and municipal employees to do four things: 1) and 2) contribute more money towards their health insurance and retirement accounts, 3) take a cut in wages and 4) agree to give up their right to collective bargaining.

As I see the issue unfold, workers are willing to do the first three things -- but not the fourth. Collective bargaining is a worker’s right that should never be surrendered or taken away. If money was the only issue on the table then the governor and legislature would have a deal. But money isn’t the only issue. The other issue is power – the power of an employer to hire and direct workers who, after this bill is passed, won’t have the right to meet with them regarding their “wages, hours and conditions of work.” And that, my friends, is an issue of justice and an issue of justice is a matter of one’s spirituality.

Last Saturday, while marching on the Capitol Square, I heard some counter-demonstrators shouting at the public employees: “We don’t have two weeks’ vacation, health insurance, or a retirement plan – why should you?” I think the response to this is simply, “You should!” Yes, every worker should have a paid vacation, health insurance, and a retirement plan as a matter of economic justice.

In a free society, even a society like ours with a capitalist economy, workers should never be treated as commodities – that is injustice. Workers are important resources that need to be treated with dignity, respect, listened to, and given the opportunity for personal growth in their work-life.

But more than that, collective bargaining is a human right. Our nation has led the way in developing a high-quality, educated workforce; that’s what gives us our economic advantage in the world. To step back and deny workers the right to collectively bargain is both short-sighted and wrong. Simply stated, the governor is wrong in trying to take away the right of workers to collectively bargain. Workers have the right to protest and even strike to assure this right is not taken away. People of faith, and belief in a God of justice, need to support them in this important struggle which is, essentially, a spiritual practice!

Visitations

A number of years ago, after my mother had died, I found myself questioning her relationship with the faith in which she was raised and raised my sister and me.  My mother was always quiet, complex, and guarded -- almost secretive. 

At the time she died, I was not yet a priest, yet my newly-recovered faith and theological studies caused my to have some concern about my mother's spiritual destiny; concerns I had yet to raise even with Sabine.

Then one night, some months after she had died, I suddenly was awaken by a real presence of my mother in my roon standing at the end of my bed and her voice saying, "It's okay, David." I suddenly woke up and felt great peace and a strengthening of my belief in the after-life.

Now, another grief, some three decades later.  This time it was an unexpected death -- my son, Matthew's suicide. Five months had passed since that tragic day.  Five long months, hundreds of family conversations, and at least a gallon or more of tears along with self-incrimination, guilt, sense of loss and overwhelming sadness.

Then it came.  Another night time "visitation" surprisingly similar.  Another dream. This time my son, who died in his early forties, appeared as a young boy, perhaps ten years of age.  He is wearing a striped t-shirt and shorts.  He stands in front of me, happy and peaceful; a smile on his face. He says to me, "it's okay, Dad, I know you love me!"  I am suddenly awake, tears streaming down my face. Yes, it is okay.  There is much more in both life and death than we can ever see.

Lazy Spirituality

Is there a spirituality of doing nothing? I think so. Because for the past few weeks that’s what I have been doing. I hope that the creation story about how God worked is a model for us as well -- six days of creative energy and then a day of rest -- a Sabbath. The Sabbath is Sunday for most Christians, Saturday for Jews and Friday for Muslims; while the day differs, the intent is still the same -- “on the seventh day, God rested” and so should we. But what if we rested more than one day a week? Is that okay?


Now I must admit that I have a tendency to work, work, and then over-work. Even in my so-called “retirement” I continued to work. Iwent off to seminary. Worked as a parish priest. Even after Sabine got sick, I dove into writing. “Moss doesn’t grow on a rolling stone,” I remember my grandmother saying. Work is what we do.

But is there anything worthwhile, redeemable, in totally doing nothing? Sitting back, rocking on the porch, fishing, just hanging out? Are we called to be productive with the lives God has given us ALL the time? It seems that work takes up more than half of our waking hours. Maybe we have over-done it and we need to balance our days along the Rule of Benedict: equal amounts of prayer, study, and work during the day?

I have been on “vacation” for the past two weeks now. I haven’t done much: visited my children and grandchildren for a couple of days, visited some friends of ours in Orlando (yes, we did go to the Café Tu Tu Tango and act a little crazy!). But it’s vacation, right? Vacating ourselves from daily tasks and, in our case, as it turned out, from the Great Blizzard of 2011!

Now as we enter the last week of our vacation we have set aside this time at the beach for just the two of us -- just basking in each other’s presence. Enjoying one another. This is what I love about vacation is that we can really focus on one another. In order to do this, I vowed to finish my book before we went on vacation (and I did!) so Sabine would have a relaxed (and less obsessive) vacation partner. That helped a lot.

And now as we continue our daily regimen of getting up early, taking a long walk on the beach, coming back for breakfast and then dialysis, life has greatly slowed down. Afternoons are just as lazy, a nap, some reading, and then maybe a play at the Barn Theater in nearby Stuart.

Maybe it’s because of the cancer that we have been more focused on “carpe diem” -- seizing the day and on living life to its fullest. But then I think we were always like this (though I am probably wrong in my recollection). We don’t know how much time we have together (but then you don’t either, do you?) and we are totally committed (body and soul) to our relationship that is now on its 30th year. It’s been a good and full life. Every day now is a magnificent gift from God.

At the same time, I am sure that God understands that for the past couple of weeks I have rested for about six days and only “worked” about one. I know God is merciful, forgiving, and loving. I am sure she understands.

Surviving an Emotional "Double-Tap"

I just finished my 5th men’s retreat in Chetek, WI (just north of Eau Claire). It was cold outside, but great on the inside -- with “burning hearts” we made another incredible journey deep into our lives and deep into the life of God.


Those of you who have being reading this blog know how committed I am to this all-volunteer men’s retreat called, “One Year to Live.” The first time I attended this retreat it helped change my life and, I think it’s fair to say, made me a better husband and father.

But now, looking back, it did even more for me. This retreat-experience and the men whom I befriended and befriended me (yes, I can say whom I love and who love me!) help save my life. Why do I say this?

Last summer after thinking that we had control of my wife’s cancer, it came raging back. Within a few weeks of that, one of my sons committed suicide in California. I was a cop for over thirty years. One thing we learned in combat shooting was something called the “double tap.” This came about after some research surrounding the “effectiveness” of shootings. Frequently, an assailant would not be put down with one shot from a handgun – research showed you needed two, and you needed to fire them sequentially within a few seconds of time. This became the “double tap” in combat shooting.

This summer, I got hit by an emotional “double tap” and I went down. My dear wife was a major player in my recovery even though she is fighting an incurable cancer along with my surviving children. But she couldn’t do it alone. She was fighting this cancer. So when I got back home for the memorial service, and after my children had returned home, I needed something else, I needed my brothers in Christ. And they stepped up to the plate. They visited me, they prayed for me and after a few months I was able to fully function again. I was slowly getting on my feet – I was moving from casualty to survivor.

As a cop, I was lucky (blessed) none of the bullets that were fired at me hit me. For that I am deeply thankful. But then there were the emotional hits I took: the multiple fatality traffic accidents and being a member of the police underwater recovery unit and recovering those bodies in the lakes of Minneapolis. For the adults I recovered, I could always “re-frame” the situation as the person had a chance to live into adulthood. But for the children. The children were something else. Having a number of young children in my own home made this an entirely different situation for me. I remember one child I recovered one bright afternoon in Cedar Lake who had fallen out of a boat. And there he was, hands-together as if in prayer, sitting on the bottom of the lake. It took a year of Clinical Pastoral Education at age 56 to work through the grief I had suppressed over the years I was a police officer. And it was love that did it, not more information in my head.

So this morning, after an intense weekend, all this has come back to me again – it’s the love – the love I see absent in so many men today. Generally, men are alone and lonely. Sure, those of us who are blessed by marriage have our wives (and God bless them or we wouldn’t have made it this far).

But as much as I love and need and respect and cherish my wife, I know today that I also need men in my life. And today, more than ever, I cherish these “no-bullshit,” highly-accountable relationships that I have been able to develop. And this has happened primarily through these retreats.

Tired as I am this morning, I look back again to this weekend and the absolute out-pouring of God’s Spirit I saw this weekend -- just as it has in each and every weekend I have attended! As I awoke this morning, I sensed God was giving me a word of scripture. Words that I need to hear and to try and understand. Words of passionate love that God is so desperately trying to say to those people, those new Christ-followers in that small church at Ephesus:

I pray that you, being rooted and established in love, may have power… to grasp how wide and long and high and deep is the love of Christ. (Chapter 3, v. 17-18).
I am over seventy years in age and it has taken this long to really understand (grasp) that power and how wide and long and high and deep it is. It is a protective power that in the worst of life’s tragedies (those “double-taps” in life) we can survive -- and not only survive, but to live, and grow, and thrive.

Thanks be to God!

+ + + + + + + + + + + +

If you are interested, the next local One Year to Live retreats are:

The Mackenzie Center (near Poynette)

     March 25-27, 2011
     September 16-18, 2011
         (the cost is usually under $200)

For more info and One Year Live Retreats see:
http://www.lutheranmeninmission.org/events/oytl.html

Playfulness and Spirituality (Holiness)

A few days ago Christians entered into the liturgical season of the Epiphany – the manifestation of the Light of Christ not just to Jesus’ brothers and sisters, but to ALL the world! 

This, as it always does this time of year, gets me thinking about the Light of Christ.  Who is it? What is it?  And what I came to mind was this (and maybe this is not fair, but stay with me...): I thought about the world’s religious leaders; those whom most of us know -- at least through the media.  There is, of course, the Pope, the Dalai Lama, the Archbishop of Canterbury, and maybe for some of us the head of the American Evangelical Association.  All of them are known to a great part of the world. 

But, here's my question: In which of these people do I see the Light of Christ?

I will have to confess that I see it in the Dalai Lama and not so much in the others.  Why? Because I sense wisdom, humility, humor, compassion, and, yes, playfulness, in him.  To me, there is a link between playfulness and godliness; between playfulness and even holiness. 

It is in being playful that we can try to get away from our arrogance and self-centeredness.  Being playful (especially when discussing theology) is being open to the “other;” to seeking truth, to seeing the Christ in other people, and to new possibilities. 

I don’t see seriousness as one of the fruits of the Spirit; instead, it seems to breed arrogance and claiming only we have the truth.  Playfulness is really about dancing with the Spirit of God; dancing with ideas, new life and personal transformation.  But above all playfulness is about love – the grand movement of love in and out of our lives. 

At the same time, playfulness is ego-shedding and when we can shed some of our ego, our self-centeredness (even a little bit!) there become more room for God in us.  You know, I bet Jesus was quite playful in his relationships.

So, come on, let’s play!

For an example of what I am talking about see the Dalai Lama at a press conference:
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=osVowEWEyAs

Against Religion

For a number of years I have subscribed to the Christian Century, a progressive monthly magazine on things Christian. Often, one of their articles grabs me as did Douglas John Hall’s article this month: “Against Religion: The Case for Faith.” Hall taught at McGill University in Montreal for years and is the author of many provocative books including, The Cross in Our Context: Jesus and the Suffering World. What he had to say is worth our consideration; especially those of us who struggle with the obvsious differences between the Christian religion and the faith of Jesus. I have tried to summarize the main points of his essay below -- especially the difference between religion and faith.


Hall begins with a quotation by prominent atheist, Richard Dawkins, written on the day after the attacks on September 11, 2001:

[Heretofore] many of us saw religion as harmless nonsense. Beliefs might lack supporting evidence but, we thought, if people needed a crutch for consolation, where’s the harm? September 11th changed all that. Revealed faith is not harmless nonsense, it can be lethally dangerous nonsense. Dangerous because it gives people unshakeable confidence in their own righteousness. Dangerous because it gives them false courage to kill themselves, which automatically removes normal barriers from killing others. Dangerous because it teaches enmity to others [who are] labeled only by a difference in inherited tradition. And dangerous because we have all bought into a weird respect, which uniquely protects religion from normal criticism. Let’s now stop being so damned respectful. The Guardian, September 12, 2001.

Okay, let's!  Our spiritual traditions: namely Amos' denunciation of religious pomposity or the more scathing letters to the churches of Asia Minor in the Book of Revelation. It was also the young Karl Barth who wrote, “The message of the Bible is that God hates religion.” What “we must say [of religion] is that it is the one great concern of godless men.” Then there is Paul Tillich in his sermon “The Yoke of Religion;”

We call Jesus the Christ not because He brought a new religion, but because He is the end of religion, above religion and irreligion, above Christianity and non-Christianity. We spread his call because it is the call to every person in every period to receive the New Being, that hidden saving power in our existence, which takes from us labor and burden, and gives rest to our souls.

And Dietrich Bonhoeffer contrasted two important biblical stories: The story of the Tower of Babel and the day of Pentecost. The Tower was an attempt to grasp God; to possess God – as it turned out, a tragic and futile effort! On the other hand, Pentecost is no longer humans trying to grasp God, but the divine Spirit descending and transforming human beings from within. Pentecost, the birth of our faith, is all about reconciliation -- even among those who cannot fully understand one another. This is powerful stuff. It is the caution uttered by St Augustine in the 4th century: “Si comprehendis, non est Deus” – “If you think you understand, it’s not God you’re talking about”). What better words of caution for today?  But does not organized religion seek an exclusive certitude of God?

As soon as the Christian faith took upon itself to be a religion – a religious establishment – the very experience that once gave birth to a “community of faith” is lost and corrupted. What is lost is the “experience” of faith, of trust not in an individual or institution, but in, as Hall describes, a “transcendent Presence that defies containment, definition, or even comprehension. A religion that wants to commend itself to everyone and to dominate (to be Christendom) cannot afford to be self-critical. It must be promotional, upbeat, positive (my emphasis).

This, Hall reminds us, is what happens when religion seeks “imperial status.” And when imperial status is being sought, out goes critique and doubt – "our way or the highway!" I find great comfort in Hall’s critique of religion (versus faith) especially in the light of most religions (or even denominations within Christendom) stating that they alone have the truth.

This is a time in human history in which we all need to live with the religious diversity that surrounds us in an increasingly smaller planet with diminishing resources. Religion is about certitude and finality and has little interest in other claims of truth. Instead, it develops a "spirituality" that is closed and zealously guarded and, as Hall, cautions, breeds seeds of its own destruction:

With its clamoring for ultimacy, its frenetic triumphalism, its incapacity for existential doubt and the entertainment of alternatives, such religion inevitably courts violent opposition. The newly minted atheism of today understands this an capitalizes on it. It argues with a kind of dogged logic, that the only way humankind can avoid the great catastrophes to which this situation points is by dispensing altogether with “the God delusion.”

To Hall, faith is “awe and trust in the presence of the holy.” Faith will always be a part of religion, but “the thoughtfully faithful will nevertheless be able to distinguish between what comes of faith and what comes of religion. And the greatest distinction of all in this contrast will always lie in the readiness of faith, unlike religion, to confess its radical incompleteness and insufficiency – indeed, its brokenness.”

Hall concludes with a quote Jacques Ellul and what he had to say about faith and what I, too, believe faith is:

Faith… puts to test every element of my life and society… It leads me to ineluctably question my certitudes, all my moralities, beliefs and policies. It forbids me to attach ultimate significance to any expression of human activity. It detaches and delivers me from money and the family, from my job and my knowledge. It’s the surest road to realizing that “the only thing I know is that I don’t know anything.” (Living Faith: Belief and Doubt in a Perilous World, translated by Peter Heinegg).

This is the kind of faith we need today. Not the religious bravado of certitude and exclusivism. Faith, not religion, is the prerequisite for religious dialogue today – and, ultimately, faith is essential for our very survival as human beings living in a diverse, cramped, and unequal world -- not religion.

Being You, Seeking Light

I ran into a great story to begin the new year and to think about our spiritual growth in the coming months:

I am about to face the Holy One, blessed be He, and justify my sojourn on the world. If He will ask me: Zussye, why were you not like Moses? I shall respond, because you did not grant me the powers you granted Moses. If He will ask me: Zusye, why were you not like Rabbi Akiba? I shall respond because you did not grant me the powers you granted Rabbi Akiba. But the Almighty will not ask me why I was not like Moses or why I was not like Rabbi Akiba. The Almighty will ask me: Zussye, why were you not like Zussye? Why did you not fulfill the potential which was Zussye, and it is for this question that I tremble. (Rav Zussye)

So, why aren't we ourselves?

Last week was the Epiphany and the first reading for that day comes from Isaiah 60:1-2:

Arise, shine, for your light has come,

and the glory of the LORD rises upon you.
See, darkness covers the earth
and thick darkness is over the peoples,
but the LORD rises upon you
and his glory appears over you.

It really is all about LIGHT isn't it?  Being light.  If we wallow in darkness and hang around with those who live in darkeness, so shall we be. This past Sunday, I asked my parishioners, "Who is the light in your life?"  How do you answer this question?  Who is the person(s) who have brought light and direction into your life, who have helped you grow as a decent, spiritual, God-fearing person? (You can pause here and think about this question...)

Nevertheless, if we have no such "light-person," then we should be called to SEEK out those who shine light into the world.  You know them when you see them.  Along this line, I am reminded of a book of poetry by Elizabeth Alexander with the captivating title: CRAVE RADIANCE.

Isn't that what we all should be doing -- absolutely CRAVING radiance?  Alexander's poem, "Praise Song for the Day" was read at President Obama's inauguration.  This is the ending (or beginning):

Some live by love thy neighbor as thyself,

others by first do no harm or take no more
than you need. What if the mightiest word is love?

Love beyond marital, filial, national,
love that casts a widening pool of light,
love with no need to pre-empt grievance.

In today's sharp sparkle, this winter air,
any thing can be made, any sentence begun.
On the brink, on the brim, on the cusp,

praise song for walking forward in that light.

Amen.  A praise song for walking forward in and into that LIGHT!  Let's roll!

The New Year

Arise, shine, for your light has come,

and the glory of the LORD rises upon you.
See, darkness covers the earth
and thick darkness is over the peoples,
but the LORD rises upon you
and his glory appears over you.
[Isaiah 60:1-2]

This is the first reading for the Feast of the Epiphany -- a day we seem to forget.  It is the day we remember God's promise in Isaiah; that the glory of the Lord is for the whole world blasting away the thick darkness that often covers us.

In two weeks, I will join my brothers in Christ in Chetek, WI, just north of Eau Claire for another "One Week To Live" (OYTL) men's retreat. (I have a number of writings on this site about my experience with OYTL.  It is a great weekend (Jan 15-17) for all men of faith to experience.  IT'S NOT TOO LATE TO SIGN UP!

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I recently came across this piece written by the Catholic monk, Thomas Merton.  He wrote this in the 1960s, but his words apply so much to today's life.  Let these words be your meditation for the coming year as you plan to grow spiritually...

We live in the time of no room, which is the time of the end. The time when everyone is obsessed with lack of time, lack of space, with saving time, conquering space, projecting into time and space the anguish produced within them by the technological furies of size, volume, quantity, speed, number, price, power and acceleration.



The primoridial blessing, "increase and multiply," has suddenly become a hemorrhage of terror. We are numbered in billions, and massed together, marshalled, numbered, marched here and there, taxed, drilled, armed, worked to the point of insensibility, dazed by information, drugged by entertainment, surfeited with everything, nauseated with the human race and with ourselves, nauseated with life.


As the end approaches, there is no room for nature. The cities crowd it off the face of the earth. As the end approaches, there is no room for quiet. There is no room for solitude. There is no room for thought. There is no room for attention, for the awareness of our state.

In the time of the ultimate end, there is no room for us.


[Source: Thomas Merton, Raids on the Unspeakable, 1966]

Spreading the Ashes

It will soon be three months after Matt's death.  In October we gathered the family together for a blessed memorial service on a hill near our home in Blue Mounds.  We called it "Restoration Point;" a geographical place and a spiritual beginning for our family.

Matt's seven-year-old daughter could not join us at the time and his ashes got delayed in Los Angeles.  When his ashes arrived at Blue Mounds we set a date to enable his two daughters to spread his ashes on the hill and around his memorial stone. 

We went up the hill the day before the big snowstorm on Saturday, December 11th.  There was snow on the ground and the temperature was in the 30s. 

After lighting a fire, we spread the ashes on the hill and around the memorial stone, said a comittal prayer for Matt from the Book of Common Prayer:

"In sure and certain hope of the resurrection to eternal life through our Lord Jesus Christ, we commend to Almighty God our son, father, brother and friend Matthew, and we commit his body to the ground; earth to earth, ashes to ashes, dust to dust. The Lord bless him and keep him, the Lord make his face to shine upon him and be gracious to him, the Lord lift up his countenance upon him and give him peace. Amen."

Yes, Lord, bless him and give him peace.  Amen.

As for me, the deep, almost crippling, sadness has diminished.  I continue to going to counselling at the VA Center and continue to be in deep conversation with all my children and Sabine along with other close friends.  It is a combination of prayer and loving relationships that will pull me through all of these tragedies that I have experienced during these past three years.  The grief goes with the journey.

An Open Letter to Christian Men

The Forge

FORGE: to shape, make something; to invent; to come up with an idea; to move steadily ahead. A forge is a workplace where metal is worked by heating and hammering. Many of us are also familiar with the proverb, “Iron sharpens iron, just like one man sharpens another” (Prov 27:17).

How is it we men are to sharpen one another except by entering into a forge – there to be fired, shaped and molded into that which we desire?  To be the men of iron God created us to be and to be a sharp “sword of the Spirit, which is the word of God” (Eph 6:16)?

Brothers, tell me how this is possible unless we specifically submit ourselves to God and train for this? We all know the difficulty of solitary training and the fact that we train best in a group or team; a community of men seeking to be “sharp” for God, strong, men of integrity and men after God’s own heart! The Bible often describes the Jesus-life as running and finishing a great race (1 Cor 9:24, Gal 2:2, 2 Tim 4:7, and Heb 12:1). Many of us know that we cannot compete unless we train according to plan. And the greater the race, the more intensity and length of our training.

Some of us have been on the “One Year to Live” men’s retreat, others of us have had experience in “Promise Keepers” or in a strong men’s bible study group. We know we are best when we come together in community. By these experiences, many of us know now what is possible – we know our potential and we also know we are not there yet! And we won’t get there, we won’t grow unless we submit ourselves to be further formed, conformed, and eventually transformed into a greater likeness of Christ. And we also know how easy it is to quit!

Many of us are no longer satisfied in our Christ-walk to be simply admirers or believers in Jesus – we want to be his disciple. And we know deep in our “heart of hearts” that we cannot do it alone – we need God’s grace and blessing and we need to honesty of being in deep relationship with and accountable to other men.

We cannot do this with our wives or dearest friends. We cannot even do it in church on Sunday. It takes special training where “iron” sharpens “iron.” If we are truly serious about being a Jesus-disciple and standing up for God we will have to DO something about it and stick to it. To do this, we are going to have to go to a forge.

A forge is where iron is made and formed – it’s noisy, hot and sweaty; but things get done there. It is where a sharpened edge is put on an iron sword. The forge is where men help other men imitate Jesus and closely follow him. It is a place where strong discipleship is formed, sharpened, and practiced.

I think men should have a place called The Forge.  They should meet there weekly. But I understand that each one of us have work and family commitments. So I am suggesting that we begin with a monthly get-together at The Forge; a place where we can have a fellowship meal together, share our struggles, support and give healing to one another; a place where transformation is not only encouraged, but expected.

I am looking for a “few Godly men” who will sign on to get together once a month for “forging and sharpening;” a place and time where we can improve our lives as fathers, husbands, workers, neighbors, and friends. When we improve one sector of our lives, the others have a better chance of improving as well.  Remember, the things we do today to become more Christ-like can make an eternal difference in us, our families and our relationships!

Men, are you in?  Will you consider being part of The Forge?