It is now twenty days after my son, Matthew, died. I am only now barely emerging from the "valley of the shadow of death." I have found this grief to be extremely tiring -- about all I can do it focus to get through Sabine's morning dialysis. I would identify myself as being fragile and raw.
On Sunday, I was able to return to St Peter's. I even got through my sermon without breaking down. That's an improvement! My congregation was a lifeline -- they prayed for use, brought us food, bedding for guests and even a camping trailer!
This Sunday I was able to share with them how we can survive these cataclysmic events in our lives through an ongoing process of praying, processing, and progressing -- moving forward step by step. This not only applies to a death in a family but also to a divorce, job less or severe illness. It is about loss and loss takes time to heal.
This week I am taking steps to move slightly forward. I belong to a care-givers support group at Gilda's Club in Madison. I know I need more. So, I have decided to join a suicide support group that meets twice a month. I am committed not to bury all the feelings that surround a suicide and to enter into this process not only for my own healing, but also to learn more about grief and loss in order to help others.
That is our journey -- our spiritual journey -- as human persons whether or not one believes in God, the hereafter, or not.
Stay tuned for more reports from the front line.
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