[What are the characteristics of a writer? He writes. And he uses his writing to speak his heart. One of my primary “love languages” (see: http://www.5lovelanguages.com/) is words – and that is another reason I write…]
Today Matt’s body was available for viewing at the funeral home before his cremation. I am now back at Michael’s home after going to the funeral home with my daughter, Jennifer, my former wife, Julie, and her husband, Don, and their child, Charley.
On our trip back from San Diego, Jennifer and I decided to anoint Matt’s body prior to his cremation; to cleanse him as a sacrificial offering, but also to do to Matt as three other women had done to Jesus after he died. “When the Sabbath was over, Mary Magdalene, Mary the mother of James, and Salome bought spices so that they might go to anoint Jesus' body” (Mark 16:1).
This was the fearful day I had always imagined; maybe the day every member of a broken family fears – a day when a family member dies. I had both thought and feared that our shattered family would one day have to come together at the death of one of us. It is a family blended and merged and now consists of nine children. And there I was, one of my children has tragically died, took his own life. And now I stood outside the funeral home with my former wife. I said to her, “Julie, I have always dreaded this day and now it is here. Do you truly forgive me for all that has passed between us? For I want you do know that I truly forgive you.” We forgave each other, embraced and entered the building.
As we anointed Matt’s body we prayed, “Lord, received the soul of Matthew, a sheep of your own fold, a lamb of your own flock, a sinner of your own redeeming. Receive him into your arms and into the blessed company of the saints in light.” We marked him with holy oil with the sign of the cross on his head and over his heart. We told him we forgave him and loved him.
He now is healed and in a place where there is no sorrow, no weeping, no pain.
Afterwards, I had the opportunity to embrace Don, my former wife’s husband and thank him for caring for and loving Julie and my children.
I don’t know how I would have been able to have the strength to live through this week without the “sure and certain hope” of the resurrection -- and that God will hold me up. I also have the feeling of being uplifted by my friends and men with whom I have served on the OYTL Retreats for the cyclic pain and grief that continues to sweep over me is a pain and grief I have never experienced before. It is something that can drop me to my knees and yet somehow raises me up again.
Matt has now been anointed. He rests in the arms of God.
I can get on that airplane tomorrow morning at 5:45 a.m. and return home to my beloved wife and family members who will assemble on that hilltop in the beautiful unglaciated hills of Wisconsin and open themselves to more of God’s anointing through his Spirit. Integrity… Restoration… And faith in the true and living God. It is a peace that passes all my understanding. Amen. Thanks be to God.
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