A Call to Action -- Doing Church Today

In the above 11-minute video I talk about the realities of "doing church" today and what needs to be done if the so-called "mainstream" church (in which I am a leader) is to continue with what I believe is an important stream and practice of following Jesus.

Below is a copy of the talk:

A Call to Action Doing Church Today

 I have been a priest for nearly 20 years. I went to seminary late in life after leading a number of other organizations. Since my ordination, I have served as a priest-in-charge to two parishes and had interim ministries with five others. I have some ideas about what we need to do that may or may not be yours. That's okay. But please hear what I have to say and think about and ponder it.  

But let me say this and say it clear, if we do not do something radically different than what we are presently doing we will witness the last days of our denomination. 

1. GOOD NEWS. We Anglicans hold a holy, sacred, historic, and unique tradition. We are a thinking, accepting, loving, liturgical and sacramental practice that has within it the truth and beauty of Jesus' Gospel. It is worth preserving. 
2. BAD NEWS. Few among us seem able to explain to others who we are, why we walk the Anglican way with Jesus and why, perhaps, they should, too. We don't focus on being a disciple and making other disciples. It's too easy to just attend one of our lovely churches, sit down, receive the sacraments, and be on our way. I think Bonhoeffer called that "cheap grace" -- or in contemporary language, having little "skin" in our game. 
3. WHAT IS IT WE SHOULD BE DOING? How do we put more skin in the game?
1. CATECHISM. Our stated mission is restoration; to restore relationships among each other and with God through Jesus. We are to do this work by praying, worshipping, proclaiming the Gospel and promoting justice, peace and love.
2. MISSION. How are we praying? How are we worshipping? How are we proclaiming the Good News of God through Jesus? How are we promoting justice? Peace? Love? And (probably most important in a consumer society) how are we doing this better than, or at least as good as, anyone else in town?
3. THEOLOGY. Many of us don’t really know who we are and what is central to being an Episcopalian. How are we the same as Catholics, Orthodox, Lutherans, Methodists, Presbyterians, or Evangelicals? How are we different? What are the unique essential characteristics of Christian who identifies him or herself as an Episcopalian? As a denomination we tend to confuse non-essentials and essentials. The essentials being how to be "Jesus to the world" in this day and age. Non-essentials we all know. They cause us to bicker and fight among ourselves and even go so far as to break communion with an another and walk away.
4. EVANGELISM. How many people have we brought to church and we came alongside them, mentored them, and they stayed? Can we give a one minute, personal, passionate, and convincing answer to someone who asks us why we go to church, why we believe in Jesus? Why we follow him? Would we be willing to tell someone this even if they didn't ask? 
4. A NEW MODEL. The old model is not working: the full-time priest who is called to a parish that meets expenses. It's time we got this old model out of our heads and engage in some new and creative models for ministry. This model is not working because of a number of stark realities.
1. ECONOMICS. Generally speaking, in order to support a full-time priest today a congregation must have 300 or more active members to pay the bills.
2. CONTEMPORARY CULTURE. Church membership/attendance is no longer considered a social, business, or moral necessity by the majority of people today. About 30 percent of us indicate "none" when asked about our religion. And this number grows each year. In this culture, church attendance for both young and old competes with hundreds of other busy, time-consuming activities and often falls short.
5. CHANGING. If the church was a commercial venture (and to some extents it is), we would have to realize that if we don't gain new customers, and hold on to our present ones, we will eventually go out of business. (The bankruptcy of the Kodak corporation is a good example. There will no longer be “Kodak moments” as the new and hungry  giants of the digital age roared right past them while they rested on their past successes.) As a community, we are slow, wary, and often reluctant, to change, even when we know we should. 
6. FUNDING THE OLD MODEL. Even when a diocese tries to support new church plants or renewals (subsidizing clergy and/or buildings}, it does not assure parish growth or stability. The dollars our church has spent in the past trying to shore up the old model are difficult to defend. Yet, over the years, we have essentially continued to do the same thing over and over again hoping and praying the results will be different. That didn't happen and it won't happen in the near future either. 
7. OPTIONS. Let’s consider some different ways. One of more of the following may be in our future:
1. MERGERS. Closing failing parishes and consolidating them together in a larger, more revenue-producing or cost-effective locations.
2. BI-VOCATIONAL CLERGY. If we cannot afford full-time clergy, then we should think about what some bishops are doing. They are ordaining "Canon 9" priests who are bi-vocational (hold a paying job outside the church). Some parishes are already doing this as retired clergy serve as "permanent supply priests." Under this model, younger men and women called to ordained ministry will have to work at another paying job in addition to serving as clergy. 
3. CHURCH BUILDINGS. Use our buildings for specific ministries – some for worship, others to house a food pantry, another for a community hot meal program, another for a homeless shelter. Rather than spending diocesan dollars on clergy salaries and building expenses doing a “Matthew 25” ministry that stresses service above church attendance -- feeding, sheltering, clothing, healing, and visiting those in bondage. 
4. RETHINK. Engage in a complete and total re-thinking of the Christian mission, what a Christian is to do in today's secular, modernist culture; to finally realize that church is a community of believers and not a building. 
5. RE-BOOT. Going back to home churches (the beginning model of the Church in the New Testament) and then coming together, say, once a month at a central location to worship and share our oneness in Jesus. 
6. CHARISMATIC. Strengthen and focus our faith and worship practice to be more of a healing, spiritual-gifting, and evangelical ministry. 
7. MISSIONARY. Minister primarily to those who have need of restoration: those with broken marriages, those who are sick with terminal diseases, those addicted, those depressed, and others who are in need of spiritual help in order lives worth living. For our parishes to serve essentially as field hospitals on the edge of a great battlefield. 
8. A COLD, HARD FACT. Unless we change we will die. And maybe that's what we need to do. Our denomination is bleeding members. It is time for the Emergency Room. Look around the pews next Sunday, we are old, white, well-to-do and set in our ways. Our children and grandchildren have not followed us to church. One of us could be the last standing Episcopalian.

          All this reminds me of Jesus' story of the wineskins. We are to pour new wine into new wineskins, not old ones. When new wine is poured into old wineskins they burst and break because the skins are brittle and inflexible. They don’t work. What kind of containers are we? Perhaps we should think about another of his teachings: that unless we die to ourselves, we will never rise to new life and growth. Do we really believe this? Believe it enough to act on it? 

Brothers and sisters, when we do the new and not the old, when we die in order to live, we do what Jesus asks of us; that is, to work to restore our brokenness and that of those around us. When we do this, we bring the reign of God closer. We can do this.

Let us pray:  Holy God, Holy and Mighty, you have called us to be your people and to follow your Son. You have promised us your Spirit to give us knowledge, strength and power to heal and restore your people and your creation. Pour out your creative Spirit upon us to do just that. Amen.

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

Reflections On a Church Summit

Last week I attended a summit meeting of churches in the area of the church that I serve. My parish is small (20-25 is our Sunday average). But we keep a balanced budget. Help others. Do repairs. Share administrative tasks. And provide me with a weekly stipend to come and lead their worship, write a newsletter column, and do some teaching and pastoral work.

Members from seven of the nine churches showed up and shared what they were doing. It was interesting but I began to get a funny feeling. Have I not heard all this before? In spite of the candor, what we all heard were familiar themes: we need to grow, our numbers are diminishing, our children don’t attend our church, we have no youth, our buildings are old and need constant repair, and we can’t afford full-time clergy. Yes, I have been hearing this for each of the 20 years I have been serving the church. 

So what’s new? Very few of us today can afford full-time clergy and never will. So we need to get over it. We need to start thinking outside the church box and think creatively! This may mean clergy who agree to serve less than full-time, perhaps one-quarter time, even receiving a small weekly stipend and travel expenses. And, lo and behold, maybe even becoming a “tentmaker;” clergy who work outside the church for their primary support.

This will mean there will be tasks that parish members will have to assume; duties such as administration, visitation, evangelism, communications, and teaching. This will require new and bold and transformative thinking and acting on our part because I am suggesting that we consider a major re-structuring of the role of a clergy and congregation.

At the same time, this must be done with a clear understanding of the mission of the church in mind.

What is that mission? In my denomination, the mission of the Church is “to restore all people to unity with God and each other in Christ.” The Church does this “as it prays and worships, proclaims the Gospel, and promotes justice, peace, and love.”

There is nothing here about numbers. Instead, it is about restoration and it does this restoration through prayer, worship, proclaiming the Gospel and promoting justice, peace and love. If this was a “check list” for the activity of the church how would we rate?

Because if we seriously get on with the task of mission, we would most likely look and act in a much different way. If we did this, what kind of a church would we be?

We need to do some creative (and, if necessary, brutal) self-examination. We need to ask who and what are we today? Where are we going? And most of all, who’s going with us?

This will not be easy. The resurrection life Jesus shows us never is. Because in order for those of us who call ourselves disciples, we and our churches will have to die in order to be born again.

I am convinced that the Christian life is a life of continuous birthing and dying until the final day. As much as you and I would like to avoid this it is simply the way it is. It’s what we signed on for when we renew our baptismal vows each year. We know deep down this will lead us to , to new better lives for ourselves and for our churches.

The Emerging Church

Nadia Bolz-Weber a tattooed, Lutheran pastor (yes, I said Lutheran) of the House for All Sinners and Saints in Denver. It is a church of around 250 which began a few years ago in a living room with eight people. It is a church with a ministry of hospitality -- REAL hospitality. It is also a church where a chocolate fountain, a blessing of the bicycles, and serious liturgy come together. 

Today, Nadia is a face of the Emerging Church in Christianity — redefining what church is, with deep reverence for tradition -- good, old "word and sacrament."

To see what I call a good, basic, one-hour tour of what Jesus is all about CLICK HERE.

The interviewer is Krista Tippett and is the unedited, unabridged version of their interview, recorded with a live audience at the Wild Goose Festival in Hot Springs, North Carolina.

Speaking in Tongues

The August 18, 2013 edition of prestigous The New York Times had an article on speaking in tongues, T.M. Luhrmann was the guest columnist. She is an anthropologist at Stanford specializing in esoteric faiths. This week, her topic was “Why We Talk in Tongues;" an intriguing topic for most readers. Why is this strange practice a part of the Christian faith?

Luhrmann recently was in Africa to learn more about the new charismatic Christian churches that are now proliferating sub-Saharan Africa, especially Ghana and Nigeria. When we include Asia in this charismatic mix, we will find that the practice of speaking in tongues has become (again) a major practice of those who follow Jesus.

For those of you unfamiliar with the practice outside of Paul’s epistles to the Corinthians where he both lifts up and cautions their use, "speaking in tongues" is the use of vocal, language-like sounds as a form of prayer. It is a language that users believe that God knows but they do not.

Luhrmann found the practice seemed to make people happier. For centuries, after the Apostolic period, speaking in tongues seemed to be lost until it suddenly emerged in Los Angeles in 1906 at the Azuza Street Pentecostal revival.

Most tongue speakers see their practice as a spiritual gift from God; a gift that can neither be forced or controlled. At one charismatic American evangelical church that Luhrmann studied she found that about a third of the members occasionally spoke in tongues and usually when they were alone. Similarly, the Pew Research Center, an organization that closely watches church trends in the U.S., reported that 18 percent of Americans speak in tongues at least several times a year.

“What dawned on me in Accra (Ghana), Luhrmann wrote, “is that speaking in tongues might actually be a more effective way to pray than speaking in ordinary language – if by prayer one means the mental technique of detaching from the ordinary world, and from everyday thought, to experience God.”

Those who speak in tongues report that as their prayer continues they feel increasingly more involved, lighter, freer, better, and yes, happier. Scientific research of tongue speaking using M.R.I. scans reveals that those who pray this way enter a different mental state. For example, they experience less blood flow to their frontal cerebral cortex indicating they behaved as if they were in a less-than-normal decision making state.

There are a lot of Christians out there who still remain guarded talking about speaking in tongues let alone sharing that they engage in this form of prayer. There is a sense that those who do so are somehow less than a fully-developed Christian. Or considered to be practicing something that would better be left in Appalachia or for those less educated.

For me, it was good to read this article about something I consider to be one of the spiritual gifts given to the early church and one that has helped me in my faith-walk. I first learned about the practice when I joined Anglican evangelist Michael Green at Regent College for a revival week in Mission, Canada, just  outside of  Vancouver in the early 90s. It was at the beginning of my discerning my call to ordained ministry that I noticed a number of Episcopal/Anglican seminary students that practiced the gift.

During my time with them, they prayed for me to receive this gift. I remember the evening as clear as it was yesterday. But nothing happened (or so I thought). A number of years later, I was attending an Alpha Course leader's training conference on the Alpha Course, when suddenly many in attending started singing in tongues. Later, one of the presenters told us about his experience praying in tongues when his mother was dying. A time in his life when words could no longer say what he was feeling. Years later, the same thing happened to me. 

I guess the best way to put is like this: sometimes when dealing with overwhelming grief (or even joy) words are not enough. Times when words cannot express your feelings to God. It is during times like this when the gift literally kicks in for me. I was able to “let go and let God” through “tongues” and felt the resulting flow of peace – you know, the kind that "passes all understanding." This spiritual gift has subsequently enabled my ministry and made me present for those around me who were experiencing great grief, loss, or pain in their life.

     But remember, just as Paul warns us, if speaking in tongues is not bathed in love then we are as "clanging cymbals" -- noisy and not worth much. There are also a number of spiritual gifts mentioned in the Bible far more important than speaking in tongues: wisdom, knowledge, faith, healing, miracles and prophecy [1 Corinthians 12:8-10].

     Many of us out there who come from the so-called "mainstream" church don't often talk about this gift. Nevertheless, you might ask, "How do I begin?" First of all, you ask God for the gift. It may also be helpful for you to find two or more persons you know who have the gift and ask them to pray with you. God’s timetable is usually not ours. And, if at first, you do not receive the gift keep pressing on. One day when you most need it, it will be there for you.

A Two-fer!

We live in a busy world. Often we are too busy to exercise, mediate/pray, loose weight, or get other addictions we have under control.

Here's an idea. I have something for you that has worked for me -- a way to exercise and meditate/pray at the same time.

The method is simple. You walk -- alone or with someone (or run, cycle, or other form of exercise and pray/meditate at the same time.

Simple? Certainly. But taking on something new or getting rid of something old is about change. And change is difficult and that's why it needs our discipline to set a date and time and then DO it -- and continue to do it.

When we do we get no only the healthful benefits of exercise, but also the spiritual benefits of thinking of, and praying for, others.

 Just before writing this I went on a beautiful, rural morning ride on my bicycle as I listened to the prayerful music of Hillsong on my iPod. When I got home I felt refreshed by that music as I blessed my friends and family as I pedalled along the road.

So, why not start today?

Empathy -- It's What Makes Us Human

Many of you who follow this blog know that my wife, Sabine, has been fighting a so-far incurable blood cancer called multiple myeloma. Recently, a friend of mine alerted me to a powerful 4-minute video that seemed to capture for me my life in the medical system.

As Sabine and i make our twice weekly visits to the cancer center at U.W. Hospital, our monthly consult with her oncologist, Dr Sheehan, and our monthly group meetings with fellow cancer and kidney dialysis patients, this short video captures my feelings...

Try Kindness

Last May, Professor George Saunders of Syracuse University gave what I believe to be a knockout address to the graduates of the College of Arts and Sciences. A friend of mine alerted me to it. Saunders started out with this:

“Down through the ages, a traditional form has evolved for this type of speech, which is: Some old fart, his best years behind him, who, over the course of his life, has made a series of dreadful mistakes (that would be me), gives heartfelt advice to a group of shining, energetic young people, with all of their best years ahead of them (that would be you).

“Now, one useful thing you can do with an old person, in addition to borrowing money from them, or asking them to do one of their old-time ‘dances,’ so you can watch, while laughing, is ask: ‘Looking back, what do you regret?’  And they’ll tell you.  Sometimes, as you know, they’ll tell you even if you haven’t asked.  Sometimes, even when you’ve specifically requested they not tell you, they’ll tell you.”

Humor seems always to lurk within the telling of great truth. But Saunders quickly became serious when he told about something he regretted in his life:

“ What do I regret?  Being poor from time to time?  Not really.  Working terrible jobs, like ‘knuckle-puller in a slaughterhouse?’  (And don’t even ASK what that entails.)  No.  I don’t regret that.  Skinny-dipping in a river in Sumatra, a little buzzed, and looking up and seeing like 300 monkeys sitting on a pipeline, pooping down into the river, the river in which I was swimming, with my mouth open, naked?  And getting deathly ill afterwards, and staying sick for the next seven months?  Not so much…”

But what he did regret was this. And it harkened back to his days in seventh grade and a classmate of his. 

“Ellen was small, shy.  She wore these blue cat’s-eye glasses that, at the time, only old ladies wore.  When nervous, which was pretty much always, she had a habit of taking a strand of hair into her mouth and chewing on it.

“So she came to our school and our neighborhood, and was mostly ignored, occasionally teased (‘Your hair taste good?’ – that sort of thing).  I could see this hurt her.  I still remember the way she’d look after such an insult: eyes cast down, a little gut-kicked…”

 “Sometimes I’d see her hanging around alone in her front yard, as if afraid to leave it. “And then – they moved.  That was it.  No tragedy, no big final hazing… End of story.”

What Saunders regretted was that this event in his live was a failure of kindness on his part. Forty-two years later he is still thinking about it. Those moments in life when another human being right in front of us was suffering, and we didn’t do anything bad, but we didn’t try to be kind.

And that was Saunders message to those young graduates – Try to be kinder and see what happens.

But why aren’t we kinder? What prevents us from being so? Saunders relates three important things that keep us from being kind. We are all intimately acquainted with each one of them...

“Each of us is born with a series of built-in confusions that are probably somehow Darwinian.  These are: (1) we’re central to the universe (that is, our personal story is the main and most interesting story, the only story, really); (2) we’re separate from the universe (there’s US and then, out there, all that other junk – dogs and swing-sets, and the State of Nebraska and low-hanging clouds and, you know, other people), and (3) we’re permanent (death is real, o.k., sure – for you, but not for me).

“Now, we don’t really believe these things – intellectually we know better – but we believe them viscerally, and live by them, and they cause us to prioritize our own needs over the needs of others, even though what we really want, in our hearts, is to be less selfish, more aware of what’s actually happening in the present moment, more open, and more loving.”

And the way, he suggests, that we might DO this, to become kinder, is to essentially grow into it – intentionally being “more loving, more open, less selfish, more present, less delusional…”

He concludes:

 “There are ways [to become kinder].  You already know that because, in your life, there have been High Kindness periods and Low Kindness periods, and you know what inclined you toward the former and away from the latter.  Education is good; immersing ourselves in a work of art: good; prayer is good; meditation’s good; a frank talk with a dear friend;  establishing ourselves in some kind of spiritual tradition – recognizing that there have been countless really smart people before us who have asked these same questions and left behind answers for us…

 “So, quick, end-of-speech advice: Since, according to me, your life is going to be a gradual process of becoming kinder and more loving: Hurry up.  Speed it along.  Start right now.  There’s a confusion in each of us, a sickness, really: selfishness.  But there’s also a cure.  So be a good and proactive and even somewhat desperate patient on your own behalf – seek out the most efficacious anti-selfishness medicines, energetically, for the rest of your life…

“And someday, in 80 years, when you’re 100, and I’m 134, and we’re both so kind and loving we’re nearly unbearable, drop me a line, let me know how your life has been.  I hope you will say: It has been so wonderful.”

[Video]

[Full text]

About Tentmaking

TENTMAKING: An Old Model For a New Age

Tentmaking is the activity of Christians who, while dedicating themselves to ministry (with little or no pay) necessarily maintains a second job to support him or herself.  The term comes from the way in which the apostle Paul supported himself while living and preaching the Gospel in Corinth (Acts 18:3). But today the term is often mentioned in an apologetic way. 

Let me begin with one startling fact: within most of the so-called “mainline church” only a few churches can support a full-time member of the clergy. Yet most parishes still see that as a worthy objective for which to strive in spite of diminishing members and resources. Annual denominational meetings are often an exercise in triage -- how can we stop the bleeding and save the church? And each parish meeting is frequently an agonizing realization of this situation.

In my 20 years of ministry I have seen a number of variations on triage: yoked and three-point parishes, married clergy who have a spouse with a full-time job and health insurance, living off the parish endowment, sustaining grants from the diocese, and permanent supply clergy.

It is the latter response that I wish to consider.

I serve a small parish with an average Sunday attendance of about 25 worshipers. It is  a small church with a capacity of not more than 60 souls. We take no money from our denomination, pay our bills, and adequately maintain our building and its grounds. In short, we are solvent and sustainable. 

And the reason we are is that I chose to serve the parish at the going rate of  “supply clergy” (currently at the rate of $125/Sunday plus mileage). Additionally, I am available for pastoral emergencies, weekly teaching sessions during Advent and Lent, vestry meetings and other activities of the parish. ). If you do the math you will see that this is a sustainable expense for most all small parishes and removes them from the “failing” category and makes them active and sustainable entities.

In the five parishes I have served since my ordination, all have been small and all have thought of themselves as somehow less because they could not afford full-time clergy. This negative thinking often caused them to be focused not on the future but on a past that will never happen again (and, perhaps, never did).

What I hear from my generation of grey-heads is frequently a rosy depiction of the 1950s when “everyone” went to church. However, a closer examination of those days will quickly remind us that faith or discipleship should never be assessed by church attendance.

So, I have a proposal for today’s small churches, let’s forget about the past and get on with today and all its challenges following Jesus in our highly attention-competitive age, diminishing church attendance, and many among us using the word “none” to best describe their religion or denomination.

What do Christians offer to the world today? It is important that we be able to clearly answer this provocative question. As a start, we can begin to live lives consistent with who we say we honor and believe in. Some observers of Christian behavior say those of us who do attend church worship it as an idol -- a social club and fraternal organization of friendly, like-minded members.

Try that out with a twenty or thirty year old, “Would you like to join a nice social club of like-minded people?” and see what happens. Let’s face it. Those of us who follow Jesus are radical troublemakers. We want to see God’s reign being to happen now not some time in the future. The foundational text of this radical trouble-making lies within the 25th chapter of Matthew's gospel:

 ‘Lord, when was it that we saw you hungry or thirsty or a stranger or naked or sick or in prison, and did not take care of you?’ Then he will answer them, ‘Truly I tell you, just as you did not do it to one of the least of these, you did not do it to me.’

You know what I am getting at don’t you? The church of today is simply a meeting, teaching and strengthening place. Not a place to be worshiped. Whereas, the primary acts of  “doing” Jesus goes on outside the building in the community and into the world. And we do that best not by what we say but by what we do – doing Jesus. And doing Jesus has to do with elevating the underclass and ministering to the disfranchised in our economy. If we don’t take care of them, we don’t take care of Jesus. It’s that simple and that difficult regardless of one's politics!

It’s time for Christians to re-think, re-structure, and, yes, re-act.

Your Story, My Story, God's Story...

You may be interested in hearing my spiritual "call" story. And feel free to comment and tell me yours.

MY STORY

Thresholds

“The familiar life horizon has been outgrown: the old concepts, 

ideals and emotional patterns no longer fit; 

the time for the passing of a threshold is at hand.”

(Joseph Campbell, The Hero With a Thousand Faces.)

What are those thresholds in life? Certainly coming of age, high school or college graduation, marriage, the birth of a child, a fulfilling job, purchasing a home, and so on… But what about later in life? 

As I was reminded during my pastoral training, we are only temporarily abled; that is, life is a process of dis-ability from getting our first pair of eye glasses to being in assisted living.

Today, I was reminded of another passage. In my mind’s eye, I see myself as just as abled as I was in my 30s and 40s. Of course, that is not true. I am not.

I was on Highway F just south of Mazomanie putting some miles on my bike this morning when I heard a familiar noise – the whirring tires of a large peloton of over 20 riders approaching me and quickly leaving me behind. It was an exhilarating feeling instantly taking me back to my racing days. And as they all passed me, a young rider gently patted me on the shoulder, “Have a good ride, sir!”

I can think of two other earlier elder passage times. In my very early 50s, I gently reminded a young cashier at a restaurant who had just given me a discount that police officers in Madison are able to pay for their own meals when she said, “No, sir, not because you are a police officer it’s because today is senior discount day.”

As I entered my 60s, I noticed that young and attractive women were opening doors for me instead of the other way around. Another passage.

When we are young, strong, and abled, we don’t think of ever aging. But the reality of life, the journey on which we find ourselves, is filled with great teaching moments if we are open to them. No, I couldn’t hang with that peloton of youngsters, but I was here. I was able to continue participating in an activity in which I began over 40 years ago. The blessing isn’t about what we cannot do anymore. No, the blessings is that which we still can do be it cycling, hiking, or just sitting on our back porch enjoying the blessedness of this day.

On Saturday, a group of friends will join me in another passage. A celebration of my 75th year. They will join me in a 75 mile ride. I used to race that distance. Now I am simply happy to be able to ride it. Life is good.

Or as John O’Driscoll noted in Anam Cara: A Book of Celtic Wisdom:

“It’s good to be here. The mystery never leaves you alone.”

It is a good life.

And, truly, the mystery never does leave us alone.

Dying? Or Finding Oneself?

Kathleen Taylor has been a hospice counselor for many years. People ask her how she can sit everyday at the bedside of dying patients without getting burned out or depressed. In the following video, she tells us why she loves her job and what she has learned from those who are dying. She says the number one regret she hears is "I wish I had the courage to live my life and not the life others expected me to live."

Listen also for another learning: when people are close to death they shed their falseness -- that is, they no longer tolerate or speak "bullshit."

So, the question I have for you is this: Do we simply die or do we, through dying, find ourselves?

TO VIEW THE VIDEO CLICK HERE

What is a "Good Death?"

By day, Judy MacDonald Johnston develops children's reading programs. By night, she helps others maintain their quality of life as they near death.

Last month, she gave an excellent 6-minute TED talk (CLICK HERE) on achieving a "good death."

Over 300,000 people have watched this video. That's a good start.

She suggests taking action in five important areas of our lives:

1. The Plan
2. Advocates
3. Hospital Readiness
4. Caregiving Guidelines
5. Last Words

When thinking about the end of your life or the life of your loved ones please remember that a good death will not happen without planning. Most everyone says they want to die at home but, statistically, 80 percent of us will not.

For more information on these five areas and downloadable worksheets visit her website.

Interested in more? Listen to physician Peter Saul in his take on dying in the 21st century, something he calls a "train wreck." (CLICK HERE.)

What is Love?

What is love?

I mean, really?

The video below contains a beautiful story that links one's faith to love and caretaking.

"Brace For Impact!"

Dads, on this Father's Day, take 5 minutes out of your busy life and hear what Rick Elias has to say.

Elias was in seat 1D on Flight 1549, the plane that crash-landed in the Hudson River in New York in January 2009. What went through his mind as the engines went dead and he heard the pilot say: "Brace for impact?"

His only goal in life today is to be a great dad.

What kind of impact will it take for us to have the same goal?

Now What Do We Do?

We have imprisoned a significant percentage of our population during the last 20 years -- "The War on Drugs," "Three Strikes and You're Out!," and a combination of poor thinking and nastiness have enabled us to get where we are today.

The following is a story about a program at a maximum security prison in California to do something about the glaring and unacceptable problem that faces us -- our prisons do not reform nor improve the behavior of those whom we sentence there.

For me, prisons are a good example of our failure to think through our problems and, instead, simply delay solving them to another day. Locking people up and literally throwing away the key is not the way to be a more peaceful and fulfilling nation.

The following video demonstrates a way out of the darkness which now surrounds us. It is a way in which people of faith should approach evil in the world -- through transformation rather than punishment. What do you think?

Talking (Again) About Suicide

The above 4-minute video was John D. Schramm's first attempt to talk about the taboo subject of suicide. It is a beautiful testimony to choosing life and, at the same time, a call to break the silence -- the taboo of talking about suicide.

Over half a million people have seen John's video and it's been translated into 39 languages. He wanted to "start a conversation worth having about an idea worth spreading."

The following is what John learned:

• Breaking the silence is not an event, but a process. Through hundreds of emails and thousands of comments on various websites, it is clear that attempt survivors don't just break the silence one time, but over and over and over again. Or they don't, and live in the silence after once having a bad experience with sharing their secret with another.
• Tough questions don't have easy answers. John was a layperson with no training in the healing arts. He attempted to start a conversation, but then just listened as others were inspired to share their journey. Then John pointed them to resources that he knew.
• Conversations are a crucial, but slow path to change. In John's life, he's witnessed the self-inflicted deaths of several people he's loved and known. While he wanted their closest friends and family members to share their stories too, he found he was powerless to cause that. Instead, he simply remained open to the conversation, replied to each email or invitation to chat, and urged strugglers to find or build the network of committed listeners and further their own conversations.

This conversation, thankfully, has begun. The challenge now is to continue it and expose the taboo to conversation and openness. When that happens, suicide is no longer a taboo.

In the fall of 2010, my son took his life. Suicide is not new to either my professional or family experience, but the effect on me was devastating and involved a good two years of grief-sharing and processing.

Almost immediately after his death I posted a number of blogs on this site (October-November, 2010). It was my attempt to heal heal my own grief and help others through my experience. You may find them helpful.

"Perhaps no other life-threatening condition on the planet can be so positively impacted by honest, forthright and intimate conversations with friends, loved-ones, clients and colleagues. As we do this, we demystify suicide. We render it approachable by creating a net of understanding so strong and a willingness to intervene imbued with such resolve, that people can no longer fall through the cracks."

[Richard Heckler, Waking Up Alive ,1996].

When we break the silence, we take action to prevent the next loss. By sharing our thoughts and feelings we make ourselves vulnerable, but it is that vulnerability, that openness, that enables our own healing.

National Suicide Prevention Lifeline 1-800-273-8255

Military Veterans CLICK HERE Most every city or county offers suicide survivor groups,  they are a big help, too!

A Blessing for Memorial Day

The Celtic cross emphasizes our inter-connectedness --
with all of creation, with each other,
and with God. We are One.

A blessing asks for favor and protection. It connects us with each other and with all of creation.

The language of blessing is an invocation – a "calling forth."

In the Memorial Day blessing below you will see the word “may" appear many times; it is a very powerful word -- an invocating hope and possibility… "May there be…" "may this happen…" "may we..."

A blessing both imagines and wills a desired future or state of being – there is a transforming force behind it. And this transforming force is God’s subtle presence and divine energy given for us -- there for our asking.  

A BLESSING FOR MEMORIAL DAY

·

       On this day, may the Holy One help us to turn our swords into plowshares; to know war no more.

·       May we come to understand the true, multi-generational cost of war and its killing.

·       Yet may we always remember and honor our brothers and sisters who selflessly served and those whose lives have been sacrificed in what they believed to be honorable and true.

·       May the founding beliefs that have made our nation strong, just and honorable be evident in our collective life together.

·       May we as a nation and as a people be slow to anger, quick to forgive, and merciful in our actions.

·       May we who come together today be strengthened in our peacemaking and be a blessing and inspiration to those of us who seek to become makers of peace.

[The above blessing was the invocation I made for the assembly of the Madison (Wisc.) area chapter and friends of Veterans for Peace (VFP), Memorial Day, May 27, 2013 in the Gates of Heaven Chapel in James Madison Park]

Tune Up Your Relationship

Sabine and I have taught a marriage course for a number of years and often use it as a pre-marriage preparation. It was designed to help couples build strong relationships that will last. And we strongly recommend it. During the course, the following important relationship areas are addressed:

• Recongnizing each other's needs,
• Learning to communicate effectively,
• Resolving conflict,
• Healing past hurt,
• Knowing how to make each other feel loved,
• Relating to parents and in-laws,
• Good sex,
• Making time for each other, and
• Having fun together.

At the conclusion of the course, we provided each participant a check-up. And I have enclosed it below.

I suggest you use it for a discussion outline with the person with whom you have a primary relationship -- a "check up" on your relationship!

 

The Monthly Checkup

1. Are you booking dedicated “relationship time” with your partner each week?

2. Have you met his or her “top three desires” this month? (Do you know what they are?)

3. Have you talked about your feelings with your partner more than twice this month?

4. When you listened to your partner’s feelings this month were you able to do it without interrupting, criticizing, or giving advice?

5. How many times this month have you expressed appreciation for your partner?

6. During times of conflict, are you able to discuss the ISSUE rather than attacking your partner?

7. How many times this month have you taken time to generously listen to your partner’s point of view?

8. Have you spent time this month to express support for your partner?

9. How many times have you talked about your own personal hurts with your partner?

10. When was the last time you apologized to your partner and sought his/her forgiveness?

11. How many times this month have you made love to your partner in a way that communicated your love and commitment to him/her?

12. How many times have you been able to show love to your partner in your partner’s primary or secondary “love language?” (Do you know your love language? Your partners?).

Some Longer Term Issues to Work On

13. Have you been able to truly forgive your partner for hurting you? The criterion being that the offense no longer conditions your relationship with him/her. Forgiveness is a choice.

14. Have you been able to maintain independence from your parents and your partner’s parents?

15. Have you been able to forgive your parents for the ways they have hurt or failed you?

Working on improving and strengthening our relationships are the two most important things we can do this side of heaven. We know that. We’ve all witnessed break-ups among our friends, and, perhaps, it has even happened to us.

Remember -- by the time you finally take action to save your relationship, it’s often too late and neither of you have the energy to fix it! So, let's begin now.

We shouldn't be surprised that we all tend to let our relationships drift. Most of us spend more time and concern about maintaining our automobiles (and, of course, our careers) than our primary relationships. When our car breaks down, it’s inconvenient. When our marriage breaks down it’s a long-term disaster! But often it was a disaster we saw coming but chose not to do anything about it; instead, thinking we will have time tomorrow to fix things.

This checklist should help you to prevent that disaster – to begin to do something today. Putting together a good action plan first begins with the decision to spend quality time (just the two of you) together. 

Talk with your partner -- today!