500,001

 I am sure I am not alone in counting a loved one who has died during this pandemic as an addition to the 1/2 million who have died not OF the virus, but BECAUSE of  it. 

I mean, due to hospital restrictions, many people like Sabine chose NOT to go into the medical system for care because they did not want to get stuck there and die alone without family and loved ones present.

I am sure that without the Covid threat I could have gained a few more days with Sabine. We knew the end was coming, but I had to make a decision with her that was difficult; real “tough love:” 

“No, I am not going call an ambulance and have her taken to the hospital where she may die alone without me. I made a promise to her and I am keeping it!” Over the years, this sacred promise to my beloved after her terminal cancer diagnosis was that I would be with her when she died and her preferred location was this old farmhouse. I would be with her and we would be supported by home hospice nurses. As difficult as it was, I had to say no to the medical advice from her physician and ER staff. 

Did they try to talk me out of it? Of course, their job is to prolong lives (which means quantity tends to supersede quality). But after I explained our position, they agreed with us. After all these years in treatment, they knew Sabine was more interested in the quality of her life and me being with her when she died.

As we noted yesterday, 1/2 million Americans have died directly from this virus. But as for me, I will count Sabine’s death with those victims. At the same time, I know that life is really not about the time we have (although a few more days with her would have been nice) — but the quality of our time on earth — the love, compassion, kindness and helpfulness give to others; that’s what counts. 

Rest in peace my dear, dear wife. For 14,600+ quality days we spent together including that last day, thank you. Thank you for choosing to love me. I want you to always know that inside me, along with the fiercest love possible, flows the deepest gratitude for being able to be with you and experience a well-spent life.