When we struggle with grief and loss, we hopefully come to understand that we cannot go back and we must choose, somehow, to go forward. It is, however. a most frightening process.
While I have gone through divorce, loss of parents, and a child’s suicide, none of these past tragedies have prepared me for the loss of my beloved Sabine.
Why? Because she was at my side, or there shortly after, to be with me, hold me, and comfort me. I did not have do it alone. And now, I am faced with doing it alone. And so I wonder, what lies ahead?
I hope the following poem explains some of these feelings... perhaps, you have or have also had them. What helped you emerge? For me is continues to be my faith, hope, and the love I feel from friends and family members. People matter. We press on...
stages
transitions
we all go thru them
sometimes easily
slipping
stumbling into joy
accomplishment and peace
sometimes with great pain
screaming
struggling in our
suffering
loss and
abandonment
but
each time
we have a choice
forced or free
to answer the
question
who now we will
be?
this newly-birthed self?
having just clawed out of the
amniotic comfort-sac
which once warmly
enfolded us
we wonder
who am I now?
as for me it is
who is david?
no longer child, husband, student
no longer marine, cop or
sunday leader?
nothing ever was like this
nothing
nothing
more
frightening
unsettling than
david without sabine
yet
deep down a monk stirs
awakens
sleepy-eyed
peering down the sticky
tunnel ahead
he asks “now?
are you sure?”
knowing the dormitory
of selves
is nearly empty.
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